Do they rely on you far more than you rely on them?


Do you find yourself having to take care of those around you all the time? Not that they're leeches, but that they can't seem to function without your help?


Or are your friendships/relationships mutually helpful?


I find that I'm tapped. I seem to handle the affairs of loved ones as if I'm managing one of my projects.

I'm more the CROTCH of people around me.




(not really - it just seemed funny...)

I stopped giving advice until I am asked for it. Don't put myself out on too much of as limb and tend to fight my own battles or bottle up my problems. So I never really have these crutch issues. Friendships are for distraction, fun and conversation, I don't think of my friends as "helpfull"

I would say, stop offering the tap will soon dry up. You will end up drained and emotionally exhausted.

more people lean on me than i do on them. it can be draining but oftentimes i'm so used to it that i don't notice. When things in the family happen, people call me for a solution (even my mother does this sometimes) it feels like almost an obligation sometimes.

<-- crutch
<-- tired of it
<-- working on it

PREDOMINANT said:

Thanks boo.

Yes, I agree. I've marginalized my friends to the point of being somewhat distant from them. But My mom--now that's a different issue. And my sister and brother in law are still asking things of me, and they're in flippin' England. It just seems like when you're good at something, others don't feel compelled to be good at it themselves, and rely on you to pull through.

I'm going to really start pushing back this year. It's not being selfish, but just that I'm tapped. I can't handle the affairs of others for them.

i do get asked for help from my friends and i give it when i can. i'm not a doormat but i think it's kinda part of the friendship thing.

interestingly, i do not often ask for help from other people. i like getting by on my own.

With some people, yes. I am beginning to find it tiresome.

JustErin said:

yeah.

And it's not like they mean to bring you down--they really don't. It's just that they get so used to relying on you that they don't understand that you may have other priorities in life.

For the last 3 years, my mom has visited for New Years (when I'd rather be somewhere else), and she can't even book her own plane tickets anymore. She calls me so I can do them online. The list goes on and on. Again, I try to understand the reasons behind all this leaning on me, but it does take its toll.

I've found it's not as much their problem as it is mine. For years, I'd put myself "out there" for their disposal far more than I should to remain sane. It's a rough transition, but it's been critical in order to maintain any balance. That, and I don't have the time for it anymore.

At one point, I thought I'd befriended a few leeches, but eventually realized that when I didn't make myself as available for bullshit, their good points and all the things I loved about them shone through even more brightly. In my opinion, it was truly my fault over theirs.

INSATIABLE said:

Thanks schnookems.
I agree with this. I emotionally feel responsible for "my tribe" whoever that may be.

Don't get me wrong, though. I enjoy "rescuing" friends whenever I get the chance. But when it's my shoulder or pocketbook in each of their emergencies for years and years, I've drawn the line. I've lost jobs to save friends. I'm an idiot, but no more.

I used to be.

I'm much better now about setting healthy boundaries for myself and others. Doing everything for another person is not the same as helping them. I've learned that stating clearly, "No, I can't do that for you, but here's what I can do" does not ruin your relationships or make your loved ones hate you. It usually increases their respect for you and makes them realize, "oh, I can do this for myself." They may feel hurt for a minute and retreat temporarily, but in my experience the ones who truly love you and value their relationship with you will come back willing to be more balanced.

Imago said:

Sound like it's time to look after number one for a while, let people know I am sure they will understand. Or just dissapear for a bit.

FunkMistress said:

I can do that with friends but it gets harder when it comes to my relatives. i'm working on it.

Imago said:

It's an endearing quality that can easily go out of control. Good luck, dude. It's got to be harder when it's a parental dependent. If it gets unbearable, you can't exactly drop her ass like anyone else. I think it's an aging thing. My mother's dealing with hell with her 94-year-old mom, who's healthy and active but insists my mother stays heavily involved in trivial easy shit to the point of insanity because she's likely bored out of her mind, the poor lady.

I won't even begin to try to explain ... those that know of and care for me understand



and beside that

well

whatever

Mach said:

I don't think anyone relies on me for anything.

FunkMistress said:

That's what I'm finding.

Yes. What is it about Scorpios that makes everyone want their advice?

Yes Yes Yes and YES! Sometimes it really hurts me and is very frustrating when I have gone the distance for family and friends and then when I really need the help it's like pulling teeth without novacaine to get it It's insulting and hurtful and therefore I try my best to take care of all my own shit.

SnakePeel said:

I'd never ask a Scorpio for advice, you fuckers are twisted.

Crutch, Captain Save-A-Ho, Superwoman, you name it.

SnakePeel said:

People want your advice?

Nobody wants my advice, they just want me to listen. Which is fine. When it's not the same person calling/emailing about the exact same thing every other day for a year. A problem that I'm currently facing. I've done pretty well with decreasing the leechy-ness of other people in my life, but there's this one straggler. . .

Stymie said:

HereToRockYourWorld said:

yes.

FunkMistress said:

I'm wonderfully twisted...and fiercely proud of it.

CarrieMpls said:

Are you one of those folks who leech on to others and exhaust their resources trying to please you? . Poor endo