Imago said:

No. I don't depend on anyone for anything either, really. I guess I am whole-heartedly fiercely independent.

I think it would be good for me to be less independent, actually.

no.

I have been the crutch to mainly family members- parents especially. I have been told that the roles some times get reversed with me. I have tried to work on some boundaries. I need it more with family and work- that tends to be where I get stuck being the caregiver shall we say.
It does get exhausting but like Funkmistress said- it is about balance and boundaries. I have had to learn to push back on to the ppl that tend to lean on me too much.
I have learned to make better choices though I still worry like crazy about my family members that rely on me to prop them up and be their crutch.
I realise that I need to reserve some energy for myself.

I'm in no condition to help anyone right now, but when I can, I help. I like to see people happy, and if I can help eith that, I will.

ItsOnlyMe said:

I feel the same way..lately I have not felt like I am in a place to support others but I still do it as much as I can- like you, I like to see my loved ones happy.

not anymore.

Yeah, partly due to the fact that even though I'd love not to be, I'm still a people pleaser. It's frustrating sometimes, though, because everyone else's problems become my own and I think sometimes that I have enough problems by myself. It's not that I mean to complain (of course I am, though ) but people do tend to ask for advice a lot. Or they spill all their problems to me and then try to tell me "don't worry about it." It's actually my personality, partly. I feel I have to fix every problem and take it on as my own.

Blank posts always look like they're taunting me.

Like "Bet you can't figure out what I was going to say!!!"

Protege said:

It would have changed your life Protege.

JDINTERACTIVE said:

Really...

booyah said:

I thought it said "R U B the crotch of those around you"

Sometimes. There are a few people who lean on me a lot for advice about relationships and always use me as a sounding board for their decisions. I feel good about the trust and respect inherent in that, but must admit it occasionally is a bit much if I've a lot going on in my own life. Usually it's cool though.

I'm not sure I could function without Mon's help. I've become horribly dependent in many ways. Or lazy, I'm not sure. I moved 7000 miles away to a foreign land when I was 20 and have been here 6 years on and off, so I guess I could take care of myself, but I think I've grown used to relying on her in some situations.

I'm not too good at getting things done and do often leave it to others to do something first and pave the way.

fhqwhgads said:

Boy, you can barely function with Mon's help.

So here's another stress.


This year, I'll be basically showing my mom around Europe (UK, Germany, Austria, France).

This trip will require me to take 3 weeks of my vacation time, and around 5,000 dollars to accomodate her.

Here's the part that really annoys me:
1. She's chosen to take a European trip becuase she doesn't want to go to Mexico with my 2 Aunts and Uncle (They take a trip every year to some place), mainly becuase she's a racist (yeah--an Asian racist) and doesn't like Mexican people. Aside from this totally grossing me the hell out, it makes me resent my vacation with her.

2. Party of the reason for taking the vacation is also to get back at her Sister (my aunt) for her bragging about my cousin taking 3 weeks off to visit China, and south east Asia. SO this vacation is largely bragging rights.

3. I would love to visit Europe, as I've lived there before and rather liked it, but I would like to do it without my mom around. I *hate* spending time with her because there's nothing to talk about, and she's not very smart.

Now it gets even more annoying for me becuase to visit the afore mentioned countries, I have help her get a Schegen Visa and a UK Visa (is England so fucking special that they can't agree to the Schegen treaty?). For the Schegen Visa, I'm having to fly into Birmignham fucking Alabama (the pit of hell) and drive her up to Atlanta Georgia to visit the German Consulate, which is only open 3 hours a day and doesn't take appointments. I've already spent 600 dollars on this thing and still no Visas.

I also need to figure out what else to do to fly my sisters God damned cats over there.

My sisters cars are parked in my Garage? why? Becuase they didn't have the foresite to understand what they needed to do to break their leases or flat out buy the stupid cars.


Seriously, if I don't have a mental breakdown soon, I will kill somebody.


Oh, and my on-again/off-again girlfriend? She's going out to dinner this weekend with someone on my "black do-not-talk-to list"

Imago said:

used too, b4 i got addicted to this org

I had a leech from hell friend - we're not friends anymore but that situation made me realize that I need much better boundaries w/ people & I have to work on my "need to be needed" thing, which I wasn't aware that I had

It's good when it happened though. A real friend (I think ) is going through a tough time right now & had I not gone through that I'd be all up in her situation trying to help when there's a lot of things she just needs to figure out for herself to grow.

I'm not a crutch all the time, but I do find myself liking to be there for people, sometimes too much & I'm working on that...

I'm a collaborator and an advocate, but not a crutch.

There was a point in time when I was a crutch for others but not any longer, not for some time now.

Imago said:

Oh, that's rough.

I can empathise about the visa stuff, and it sounds like there's a lot more for you to do than I had to. I hope you can find enough time to enjoy yourself in Europe.

Imago said:

DAMN!!! That really sucks, especially the AlaFuckingBama part

Yes and No.


As protege says, I was very much the 'people pleaser' when I was younger. That phrase makes it sound like my actions were a little insincere or something - I hope not. But I always put everybody else first - their problems were my problems; and my concerns came secondary. My intentions were always sincere but I think this also had a lot to do with my own level of self-respect. And, unless you are a saint, there is only so much you can take of this. It can definitely take its' toll on you, in different ways. For a start, you can become the first port of call whenever certain people get into a spot of bother - not always easy when you have your own issues to deal with. And it doesn't help them either, in the long run.


As Fauxie says, I am always totally honoured when others come to me with their concerns - I am flattered that they trust my judgement and have so much faith in me. And my friends know they will never get anything less than 100% honesty. I think they are surprised by how much I have toughened up over the years - I'm not quite the wallflower that I used to be - but I think, sometimes, the only way to grow as an individual is to learn from your own mistakes. But I am always there, whenever they need me - I just don't always give them the 'soft' option, if that's what they're looking for; and I think they appreciate me for that.