Bad Gateway!! One more time:

I lived with a guy for 4 years in my mid twenties.
He slept around on me the whole time.
My best friend knew and didn't want to hurt me by telling me. She informed me after I broke up with him, for other reasons.
After thinking about it, I decided, she wasn't protecting ME, she was protecting him. I wasted years with the guy.
I don't know what the best thing to do is, but in this day and age of STD's, it's scarey.

it never happened to my folks (they were together up till the day my mom passed away), but i gotta say: if my dad ever cheated on my mom, and she found out about it? it wouldnt've been nothing nice. she woulda went the fuck OFF.

butterfli25 said:

Those are things I have considered but not given full thought to in my livid state of mind. I guess I could talk to a professional, but can;t help but to feel her pain if she knew/found out. i have a terrible habit of feeling her feelings for her and this is the worst it's ever been.

Bad Gateway!! One more time:

I lived with a guy for 4 years in my mid twenties.
He slept around on me the whole time.
My best friend knew and didn't want to hurt me by telling me. She informed me after I broke up with him, for other reasons.
After thinking about it, I decided, she wasn't protecting ME, she was protecting him. I wasted years with the guy.
I don't know what the best thing to do is, but in this day and age of STD's, it's scarey.

Those are things I have considered but not given full thought to in my livid state of mind. I guess I could talk to a professional, but can;t help but to feel her pain if she knew/found out. i have a terrible habit of feeling her feelings for her and this is the worst it's ever been.

xplnyrslf said:

of course hind sight is 20/20 but would you have believed her if she told you?

I make it a point NEVER to tell any one that someone is cheating. It will come out eventually, it always does.

One woman I knew, 4 people told her and she didn't believe it, she even saw him with the woman and still didn't believe her own eyes and then of course turned it inward and made it her fault. She lost her kids to this guy, he's raising them with some other bitch now, why oh because she was convinced she was crazy. she got mad at all of the people who told her and blamed them for poisoning her mind against him

spelling edit
[Edited 3/21/07 13:21pm]

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

I have no idea what her reaction would be - I'm not sure I want to know.

1sexymf said:

sooner or later you'll end up finding out what her reaction is--might not be in your place to tell her perhaps, but even if it were you wouldn't have to.

the world's a small place. somehow she'll end up finding out.

Your mother will know he's up to something.

Women tend to "know" when a man is jerking them around.

Be there for your mother. Good luck

XxAxX said:

The "other woman" didn't break up their marrige....if your Father got to the point where he had to step out, it was already broken...no matter whos fault (your Father, Mother or both) it was to get to that point.

luv4u said:

Thanks, luv4u.

I just wish I knew if she knows. At least then I wouldn't have to debate in my mind what to do or say.

eraclito said:

He doesn't have any brothers or sisters, I wish the hell he did.

I don't believe him/this! I suspected him of it several moths ago, but now I know he is. My mother would be so hurt if she found out. I haven't told anyone and don't know what to do or if I should say something. I'll try to keep how I know of this short. A few months ago, my boyfriend and I were looking fro a parking space (I live near them) and he pointed out my father leaving the house, using his cell phone and looking behind him and it looked suspicious, but I shrugged it off.

Next, I saw him outside the house on his cell phone and he didn't know I was behind him. He was laughing in a low tone and I could tell that it was a woman he was laughing with. I walked in front of him, frowned at him and shook my head and startled him. A few minutes later, he knocked on my door looking all nervous and made p some bullshit story that it looked like i dropped somehting which I did not.

Finally, this weekend he was outside my house and his cell phone rang - I could hear him through the window. He got all hype and was like "You called me 10 times last night, you know you can't do that, blah, blah, blah. then he starting explaining to this bitch where he was last night and this skank had the nerve to be fucking questioning a married man she fucking!

When he was talking to her he walked near where my backyard was and I eavesdropped to confirm my suspicions. Before he got off the phone with her, he said, "I better go, I'm near my daughter's house right now." A few minutes later, I asked him if I coudl use his cell phone and made up a story about wanting to test a ring tone on mine. I scrolled through his call history and pulled up the last number that called him and gave it back. I called the number from my phone, and blocked it and a woman answered just like I thought would.

I am soo goddmaned pissed and and and want to hurt this bitch and him! I'm torn on what to do.
Has anyone ever had this ahppen to them?

Sowhat said:

yes i understand this point of view as well. and to be sure, my parents were married in the age when it was the thing to do, not because they really, truly loved each other. i must have been conceived in a moment of truce between them because they did not get along when i was born, nor thereafter,.

BUT in my opinion, had she told him to take a hike, instead of stepping out with him while she knew he was married and raising four small children, he would have gone to marriage counseling with my mother. and had they gone through marriage counseling, perhaps he would have stayed and helped raise us.

no one knows what would have happened. but we do know that her willingness and availability affected the situation immensely and changd the course of events for my family.

i still say that a woman who knows she is cheating with a married man who is raising small children is scum.
no excuses for that shit.

.
[Edited 3/21/07 13:34pm]

1sexymf said:

oh wow...

My Mum cheated on both my Dad and my StepDad... first let me say I love her very much and am not rubbishing her memory (she's passed away) but it's simply the truth. with my Father she asked him to stay in a hotel while she chose between him and another man - needless to say he did no such thing instead got in the car and drove 11 hours north and stayed there since 1981. I was only 5 when this happened so don't actually remember it but am going on others word.

with my StepDad I was 21 and I remember very clearly my Brother saying to me one afternoon 'tisse do you see how much time Mum and xxxx are spending together for work?' (because they always used to go to work do's supposedly) it dawned on me that he was right and both of us were really angry. I don't know how long it had been going on for but soon after Mum and Kev split and we moved out of the family home. he stayed close though and is still very much a part of my life with his "new" wife (they've been married a few years now but still)



I remember, with Mum and Kev, being extremely angry at her for putting everyone through it... she tried to lie about it at first and cover it up and it was her best friend that said to her one day "Gail you have to talk to your children they're adult now and they know exactly what's going on. you'll lose them" I was the angriest I'd ever been with her and right then, I'm ashamed to say it, detested her for doing what she'd done.


my big point, though, is that even though he's your Dad you have to remember there are 3 sides to every story - your side thier side and the truth, so to speak.

it's heartbreaking finding out what you have and I'm so sorry you're going through this

1sexymf said:

What if you find out your dad is up to this because your mom is tOo? This is the biggest can of worms.

.
[Edited 3/21/07 13:35pm]

xplnyrslf said:

so you got the std's?

This same exact shit happened to me back in '99. I had just moved to Detroit and my Dad was running all over town with a woman 25 years younger...and black. The ethnicity is noteworthy because growing up, my old man was a racist fuck.

Anyway, guess who got caught in the middle of it? Me. BOTH parents were calling me up EVERY DAY to tell me about their latest bullshit, especially my mother. I ended up not speaking to my father for 4 years and I've always kept my mom's at a certain distance since then.

This caused ALOT of strain between me and my now ex-fiancee. It didn't break us up, per se, but it certainly led to some bitterness issues between the two of us.

My advice: MAKE SURE YOUR PARENTS DONT TRY AND USE YOU IN THEIR BATTLE. And by the way, your Mom WILL find out. Mark my words.

Ribbed4UrPleasure said:

You're too funny.....but, hell NO! that was 27 years ago. I've never had a std.

xplnyrslf said:

It's different. She was your best friend, not your daughter. The guy cheating on you was not her father.

SnakePeel said:

OH God, how she finds out could be the worst part of it. What if a neighbor or a co-worker tells her? she would be mortified, embarrassed and humiliated in addition to being hurt. At least if I told her, I could spare her that much.

xplnyrslf said:

of course hind sight is 20/20 but would you have believed her if she told you?

I make it a point NEVER to tell any one that someone is cheating. It will come out eventually, it always does.

One woman I knew, 4 people told her and she didn't believe it, she even saw him with the woman and still didn't believe her own eyes and then of course turned it inward and made it her fault. She lost her kids to this guy, he's raising them with some other bitch now, why oh because she was convinced she was crazy. she got mad at all of the people who told her and blamed them for poisoning her mind against him

spelling edit
[Edited 3/21/07 13:21pm]

1sexymf said:

no you couldn't....you think she won't feel those emotions anyway?

i'm sorry 1sexymf