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PrintableIf you feel strongly, confront your Father.. ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect, it means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections... unknown | |
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Krystal666 said: 1sexymf said: Hi sweetie. This is killing me. I truly don't know what to do. If I told my brothers, they probably wouldn't say anything, I don't know if my sisters would. I would be mad as hell if she was sick and he was taking advantage of that. I guest you never said anything to your father? I can't really remember but he was always a huge flirt with women and he knew that used to make me angry. It annoyed me when some bitch was stealing his attention away from me and he thought it was "cute" when I would get jealous. I used to get so pissed.  He would do it right in front of my mother too and I was always really confused that she never seemed to care. I guess their relationship kinda dissilusioned my daydreams and fantasies about romantic love and men. As you can imagine as my life is now it has gotten even worse!
But I'm here if you want to talk.  I hate that kind fo disrespectful shit! | |
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1sexymf said: SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: I agree with this 100%  I'm sorry this is happening honey. Your parent's need to deal with their relationship. You aren't either's partner so be ready to support your mother and think about how you want to continue your relationship with your father. Yes, they are real people too.....
It's going to take me a LONG time before I even begin to think about not be angry. One time my friend and I threw a party in a hotel room and after people had left and we were cleaning up we were on the balcony and we saw her father picking up a hooker! She was like this  and I was like this and she just burst into tears and I didn't really know what to say to her. I don't know if she ever confronted her father or told her mother but she did continue her relationship with her father.
There are some things you should really think about. Do you know that your mother isn't OK with this? Do you know if your mother is still sexually active with your father. Sometimes after 30 years some wives want nothing to do with sex leaving the man hanging so to speak. Maybe she isn't fulfilling his needs and he is seeking it elsewhere? there are a lot of things to consider and if you are going to get involved I think you should approach your father first. See if he can resolve it himself without you getting involved further. I wish you all the best sweetheart 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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it's your father's place to tell your mother. like others have said, hang on for a few days until you can be strong with your father, and then ask him to meet you somewhere neutral. since he already knows that you know (or at least strongly suspect), there's really not much point in dragging this out for too long.
also, don't be quite so quick to judge the other woman. who knows what your father has told her about his marriage. that doesn't make it right, of course, but she may very well be duped in all this, too. good luck, and be strong - this stuff is hard to deal with. [Edited 3/21/07 10:55am] | |
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IrresistibleB1tch said: also, don't be quite so quick to judge the other woman. who knows what your father has told her about his marriage. that doesn't make it right, of course, but she may very well be duped in all this, too. good luck, and be strong - this stuff is hard to deal with.
[Edited 3/21/07 10:55am] a very good point, indeed. | |
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IF and that's a big IF you talk to your dad, remember it's about you and your relationship with him. Obviously, you are concerned with your mother. BUT you need to focus on the relationship you have with him and how this suspicion of his infidelity is affecting you and your relationship with him, not your brothers, sisters etc. I understand that this is hard, but the focus should be on preparing your self to support your mom when and if she needs it.
Children are not always privy to all the information regarding the marriage of their parents. That is the preferred way anyhow, but take into consideration that you do not have all of the information here and deal with the information you have. That is, what you heard, what you perceive and how is affects you and your feelings about him. 
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color. Maya Angelou | |
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butterfli25 said: IF and that's a big IF you talk to your dad, remember it's about you and your relationship with him. Obviously, you are concerned with your mother. BUT you need to focus on the relationship you have with him and how this suspicion of his infidelity is affecting you and your relationship with him, not your brothers, sisters etc. I understand that this is hard, but the focus should be on preparing your self to support your mom when and if she needs it.
Children are not always privy to all the information regarding the marriage of their parents. That is the preferred way anyhow, but take into consideration that you do not have all of the information here and deal with the information you have. That is, what you heard, what you perceive and how is affects you and your feelings about him. Read this twice!  The Normal Whores Club | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: 1sexymf said: It's going to take me a LONG time before I even begin to think about not be angry. One time my friend and I threw a party in a hotel room and after people had left and we were cleaning up we were on the balcony and we saw her father picking up a hooker! She was like this and I was like this and she just burst into tears and I didn't really know what to say to her. I don't know if she ever confronted her father or told her mother but she did continue her relationship with her father.
There are some things you should really think about. Do you know that your mother isn't OK with this? Do you know if your mother is still sexually active with your father. Sometimes after 30 years some wives want nothing to do with sex leaving the man hanging so to speak. Maybe she isn't fulfilling his needs and he is seeking it elsewhere? there are a lot of things to consider and if you are going to get involved I think you should approach your father first. See if he can resolve it himself without you getting involved further. I wish you all the best sweetheart Oh God, seeing your dad pick up a hooker!
I'm not sure if they are still sexually active, but I would not be surprised if they weren't. I wouldn't be surprised because she suffers from low self esteem because she's overweight. She's never said so, but I know she feels that way. I really don;t think she knows, but I guess it it possible she suspects. | |
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IrresistibleB1tch said: it's your father's place to tell your mother. like others have said, hang on for a few days until you can be strong with your father, and then ask him to meet you somewhere neutral. since he already knows that you know (or at least strongly suspect), there's really not much point in dragging this out for too long.
also, don't be quite so quick to judge the other woman. who knows what your father has told her about his marriage. that doesn't make it right, of course, but she may very well be duped in all this, too. good luck, and be strong - this stuff is hard to deal with.
[Edited 3/21/07 10:55am] I know she knows about my mom by what he's said to her. I pretty sure he doesn't know I know about this. | |
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| Orgnote is coming, bella | |
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butterfli25 said: IF and that's a big IF you talk to your dad, remember it's about you and your relationship with him. Obviously, you are concerned with your mother. BUT you need to focus on the relationship you have with him and how this suspicion of his infidelity is affecting you and your relationship with him, not your brothers, sisters etc. I understand that this is hard, but the focus should be on preparing your self to support your mom when and if she needs it.
Children are not always privy to all the information regarding the marriage of their parents. That is the preferred way anyhow, but take into consideration that you do not have all of the information here and deal with the information you have. That is, what you heard, what you perceive and how is affects you and your feelings about him. I understand that but right now it's hard to think of him in any kind of positive light right now. | |
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1sexymf said: butterfli25 said: IF and that's a big IF you talk to your dad, remember it's about you and your relationship with him. Obviously, you are concerned with your mother. BUT you need to focus on the relationship you have with him and how this suspicion of his infidelity is affecting you and your relationship with him, not your brothers, sisters etc. I understand that this is hard, but the focus should be on preparing your self to support your mom when and if she needs it.
Children are not always privy to all the information regarding the marriage of their parents. That is the preferred way anyhow, but take into consideration that you do not have all of the information here and deal with the information you have. That is, what you heard, what you perceive and how is affects you and your feelings about him. I understand that but right now it's hard to think of him in any kind of positive light right now. yes, that's why the focus should be on you
this is hard for you, this is your difficult time.
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color. Maya Angelou | |
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applekisses said: Orgnote is coming, bella Thank you, you are always so sweet. | |
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butterfli25 said: 1sexymf said: I understand that but right now it's hard to think of him in any kind of positive light right now. yes, that's why the focus should be on you
this is hard for you, this is your difficult time. I feel like if I don't say anything at all, it could get worse. I don't know how long this had been going on, but the longer it goes on the harder everything will be. He might even fall in love with this homewrecker and leave. And then I'll feel even worse because I knew and didn't say anything. | |
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XxAxX said: ahhhh.... to put my strong reactions in perspective i should maybe share that i am the child of a marriage broken by the "other woman". it changed my life and affected my thinking forever
 The "other woman" didn't break up their marrige....if your Father got to the point where he had to step out, it was already broken...no matter whos fault (your Father, Mother or both) it was to get to that point. "Always blessings, never losses......"
Ya te dije....no manches guey!!!!!  I'm a guy!!!!
"....i can open my-eyes "underwater"..there4 i will NOT drown...." - mzkqueen03  | |
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1sexymf said: butterfli25 said: yes, that's why the focus should be on you
this is hard for you, this is your difficult time. I feel like if I don't say anything at all, it could get worse. I don't know how long this had been going on, but the longer it goes on the harder everything will be. He might even fall in love with this homewrecker and leave. And then I'll feel even worse because I knew and didn't say anything. but that is not your responsibility. he may be planning to leave anyway. Will your mom be less hurt if she knows he is maybe gonna leave sooner? don't put yourself in the position of saving the marriage of your parents. its not yours to save, it's theirs. how would you feel if you told her and he left and your mom blamed you? how would you feel if by you confronting him he suspected that your mom had put you up to it and left her because of that? how would you feel if you did everything you have contemplated doing and gained the resentment of both your parents? it is not your responsiblity to save their marriage, I suspect there was something wrong with it long before you became aware of his probable indescretion. focus on you and your feelings, you need to talk to someone professional about this face to face, is that possible?
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color. Maya Angelou | |
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Sowhat said: XxAxX said: ahhhh.... to put my strong reactions in perspective i should maybe share that i am the child of a marriage broken by the "other woman". it changed my life and affected my thinking forever
The "other woman" didn't break up their marrige....if your Father got to the point where he had to step out, it was already broken...no matter whos fault (your Father, Mother or both) it was to get to that point. Exactly. | |
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Sowhat said: XxAxX said: ahhhh.... to put my strong reactions in perspective i should maybe share that i am the child of a marriage broken by the "other woman". it changed my life and affected my thinking forever
The "other woman" didn't break up their marrige....if your Father got to the point where he had to step out, it was already broken...no matter whos fault (your Father, Mother or both) it was to get to that point. exactly.
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color. Maya Angelou | |
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Sowhat said: XxAxX said: ahhhh.... to put my strong reactions in perspective i should maybe share that i am the child of a marriage broken by the "other woman". it changed my life and affected my thinking forever
The "other woman" didn't break up their marrige....if your Father got to the point where he had to step out, it was already broken...no matter whos fault (your Father, Mother or both) it was to get to that point. exactly 3x's  ~When you understand why you dismiss all other gods, then you will understand why I dismiss yours~ | |
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butterfli25 said: 1sexymf said: I feel like if I don't say anything at all, it could get worse. I don't know how long this had been going on, but the longer it goes on the harder everything will be. He might even fall in love with this homewrecker and leave. And then I'll feel even worse because I knew and didn't say anything. but that is not your responsibility. he may be planning to leave anyway. Will your mom be less hurt if she knows he is maybe gonna leave sooner? don't put yourself in the position of saving the marriage of your parents. its not yours to save, it's theirs. how would you feel if you told her and he left and your mom blamed you? how would you feel if by you confronting him he suspected that your mom had put you up to it and left her because of that? how would you feel if you did everything you have contemplated doing and gained the resentment of both your parents? it is not your responsiblity to save their marriage, I suspect there was something wrong with it long before you became aware of his probable indescretion. focus on you and your feelings, you need to talk to someone professional about this face to face, is that possible? I agree...there is so much you may not know about the situation. And by you diving right into the middle of it all might blow it all up. You are in a very difficult and painful situation. I know it is easy for me to say but please use patience and carefully think out your actions and try to get more information if you can. "Always blessings, never losses......"
Ya te dije....no manches guey!!!!! I'm a guy!!!!
"....i can open my-eyes "underwater"..there4 i will NOT drown...." - mzkqueen03 | |
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first off, dont do anything rash, your father may be going through a mid life crisis, something he can deal with
u dont need to hurt your family, it is very unlikely your father would want to leave your mother plus you dont want to damage your relationship with your father at the end of the day. lleena is right, you need to book a restaurant and make time to speak to your father alone, tell him what u know tell him how it makes u feel and let him deal with it. if your father has an older brother, that he looks up to, you could ask your uncle for support, to set your father straight older men do stupid shit, is it really worth hurting your mother over? are you ready for submission
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my two cents is what has already been said, deal with YOUR relationship, I know this is hard to accept, but your mothers and his relationship is just that, THEIRS. | |
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butterfli25 said: 1sexymf said: I feel like if I don't say anything at all, it could get worse. I don't know how long this had been going on, but the longer it goes on the harder everything will be. He might even fall in love with this homewrecker and leave. And then I'll feel even worse because I knew and didn't say anything. but that is not your responsibility. he may be planning to leave anyway. Will your mom be less hurt if she knows he is maybe gonna leave sooner? don't put yourself in the position of saving the marriage of your parents. its not yours to save, it's theirs. how would you feel if you told her and he left and your mom blamed you? how would you feel if by you confronting him he suspected that your mom had put you up to it and left her because of that? how would you feel if you did everything you have contemplated doing and gained the resentment of both your parents? it is not your responsiblity to save their marriage, I suspect there was something wrong with it long before you became aware of his probable indescretion. focus on you and your feelings, you need to talk to someone professional about this face to face, is that possible? Those are things I have considered but not given full thought to in my livid state of mind. I guess I could talk to a professional, but can;t help but to feel her pain if she knew/found out. i have a terrible habit of feeling her feelings for her and this is the worst it's ever been. | |
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eraclito said: first off, dont do anything rash, your father may be going through a mid life crisis, something he can deal with
u dont need to hurt your family, it is very unlikely your father would want to leave your mother plus you dont want to damage your relationship with your father at the end of the day. lleena is right, you need to book a restaurant and make time to speak to your father alone, tell him what u know tell him how it makes u feel and let him deal with it. if your father has an older brother, that he looks up to, you could ask your uncle for support, to set your father straight older men do stupid shit, is it really worth hurting your mother over? He doesn't have any brothers or sisters, I wish the hell he did. | |
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You should say: 'Mother, do you know father has another female friend?'
GIT THAT CORN OUTTA MY FACE!!! | |
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Bad Gateway!! One more time:
I lived with a guy for 4 years in my mid twenties. He slept around on me the whole time. My best friend knew and didn't want to hurt me by telling me. She informed me after I broke up with him, for other reasons. After thinking about it, I decided, she wasn't protecting ME, she was protecting him. I wasted years with the guy. I don't know what the best thing to do is, but in this day and age of STD's, it's scarey. | |
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jerseykrs said: my two cents is what has already been said, deal with YOUR relationship, I know this is hard to accept, but your mothers and his relationship is just that, THEIRS.
Yeah, but I know what's going on and can't go back in time to change that. It's just not simple for me. | |
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xplnyrslf said: Bad Gateway!! One more time:
I lived with a guy for 4 years in my mid twenties. He slept around on me the whole time. My best friend knew and didn't want to hurt me by telling me. She informed me after I broke up with him, for other reasons. After thinking about it, I decided, she wasn't protecting ME, she was protecting him. I wasted years with the guy. I don't know what the best thing to do is, but in this day and age of STD's, it's scarey. so you got the std's? GIT THAT CORN OUTTA MY FACE!!! | |
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