1) Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a urinating section in a swimming pool?


2) If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

3) There are three religious truths:
A. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
B. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
C. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.


4)If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

5) If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

6) Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?


7) Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?


8) Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

9)If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

10) If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

11) Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

12) I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .....they're cramming for their final exam.

13) I thought about how Western mothers feed their babies with tiny
little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

14) Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

15) If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

16) You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

17) Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

18) Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

19) Did you ever notice:When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"

Ok so I dont get the last one..

These are pretty good.

the irs

theirs

their money

get it now

I am gonna post this here too, instead of starting a new thread:

The Circle of Life

Help Me Help You Help Us Help Them...
Paved Streets, City Sidewalks, Golden Dreams of Youth
Hungering Children, Hopefulness Lost in the Darker Truth,
This Is Not My Problem, Its Our Problem, And What Are We Doing?
Wishes Floating, Dreams Falling, Despair Pursuing,
Help Me Help You Help Us Help Them...
Unfriendly Actions, Unjest Words, Mansions Near, But Not In Heart,
Futures Gone Before They Enter, Same Earth, But World's Apart,
Jobless People, Crippled Wealth, Are We Really Better Not Knowing?
Blinding Eyes, Look Away, Impure Things Ignored Just Growing,
Help Me Help You Help Us Help Them...
Sitting There, Diseased By Security And Elite Society, You Forget To See,
You Are The Very Cause Of Th Thing You Despise, Doing Nothing But Living In Luxury,
Pay Thousands For A Pair Of Shoes, Barefoot Child No Cash To Spare, How Can You Act So Carelessly?
You Have Twenty Rooms, But Three Never Used,
And You Look Down Upon The Neglected And Abused
Help Me Help You Help Us Help Them

eraclito said:

yeah but its stoopid lol

JustErin said:

I like them..

REDFEATHERS said:

u posted it

eraclito said:

I copy pasted it..

and irs isnt a word, so it doesnt make sense.. really..

REDFEATHERS said:

Nah, because then you would have an "e", an "x" and an "s" unaccounted for, so the new company should rather be called "Fed Up Sex", or maybe "F Sux Deep".

REDFEATHERS said:

Are you sure your get the joke? Do you know what the IRS is?

REDFEATHERS said:

the irs is the US equivalent of the income tax man in the UK.
it is notorious world wide

REDFEATHERS said:

This one is actually a very interesting question, if you dig into it a bit.

retina said:

personally i am not sure if i believe in atruism, i think everybody is out for themselves
and ultimately help others, because in some way they themselves benefit.

retina said:

I do now

eraclito said:

well fuck me sideways I am so embarrased..

retina said:

Liking your version better

eraclito said:

I know a lot of people feel that way. They argue that even if you don't get any tangible benefits from your good deed than at the very least it makes you feel good about yourself which - according to that line of reasoning - ultimately makes the deed a selfish one.

I personally don't agree with this. I believe that there are truly unselfish actions that people do out of pure concern for another without being motivated by any positive feeling that they themselves might get from it, and even though other actions do make them feel good, I don't think that takes away from the altruistic nature of the action since the good feeling usually is not the deciding factor in the decision to do the action.

Either way, I was more thinking about the fact that those that are in need of help might find themselves facing a more abstract task in life than those who do the helping. It all comes down to identifying the "plus value" after we've erased the "minus values", i.e. what if we erased all hunger and war and suffering in the world, what then? We would probably feel quite lost. The human psyche needs problems to solve, otherwise it gets frustrated and confused. The plus value is often too elusive to make the pursuit of it satisfying.

eraclito said:

yes but not always.. well I speak for myself..

eraclito said:

IRS = Internal Revenue Service. most people hate them. i LOVE them.


(single mom = big return)

If topics are topical and quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?! he he.

C. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.




4)If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?


Huh? They're called Polaks. Atleast thats what we call them here.



Good list thoguh!

SureThing said:

JDINTERACTIVE said:

I like that one..