INSATIABLE said:

He was 6 yrs older than me and 28 when he died. He was in a horrible car accident when he was 18. He had 15 surgeries on his face alone and lost his left eye. After the accident he had a lot of troubles and life was constantly up and down. Eventually he died from a reaction to pain medicine. The movie just brought back so many feelings I suppressed...I didn't even realize it till I watched it. Ugh.

INSATIABLE said:

I know exactly what you're saying, but at the same time I find it almost impossible to tell myself that I should let go of my most ambitious dreams. Maybe it's because of fear that it might start an avalanche that would crush even my more reasonable ambitions too, or - since I would always remember what I once wanted - I would end up feeling like a big failure rather than someone who's changed his priorities. It's a difficult process to find peace and balance, that's for sure.

One thing that gives me a bit of peace of mind is when I feel like I'm at least setting up the first few bricks of what will eventually become my tall tower of accomplishment. I've been sidetracked and worked on the wrong things too many times to feel comfortable.



It's lasted almost five years now, sometimes very intensely and at other times lurking underneath the surface, so it's difficult to say when it'll stop completely.



I feel like I'm approaching that point.



A good night's sleep. A genuine smile. A source of income. That's all I'm asking for right now.

I'll tell you about the bigger things some other time.



I always appreciate yours too. I'm not just saying that.



Yes you do.

CarrieLee said:

I'm blown away. I remember you mentioning him a long time ago, but I had no idea what he and your family had been through. Wow--ten years after the accident. It must have been unbearable. I feel awful bringing it up. Please forgive me.

I can't imagine how watching the film must have felt for you.

INSATIABLE said:

Don't apologize darlin'. It's all good I just don't ever want to watch that movie again!

INSATIABLE said:

it's not hard to dream at all.

reality is the harder part.

INSATIABLE said:

I do, if I just decide to ignore my anxiety. Life is TOO short.

12FU said:

It is hard 2 dream when you've had your heart torn out of it's rightful place.

thedribbler said:

i'm always a dreamer.

just the reality when it comes to some dreams sucks.

just like you do after a few swigs of paint thinner.

12FU said:

Lighten up, cupcake.
Strangely enough I was agreein' with you.

Due to that huge chip on your scrawny and flaking shoulder you misunderstood my comment

thedribbler said:

scrawny? i'm all man, lady.

i don't have a huge chip. maybe a little one.

for good reason. it passes.

usually when you post less.

yeah, love can be a bitch. better to have had it than not at all.

12FU said:

I can smell u from here. Yeah, Let it all out, n' get yo' hed back in the clouds.

thedribbler said:

this homoerotic crush you have on me, as flattering as it is...

...it'll never pan out.

those aren't clouds. tell your mother to trim things up a bit.

thedribbler said:

Why are you not surprised?

And yes I read books

thedribbler said:

Its a fucking movie! If I want to expand my horizons, I do things other than watch movies! Movies are for escapism, not education

susannah said:

There are varying degrees of quality in escapism. The huge sucess of Matrix revealed how low the standards had fallen in this kind of escapism.

I met many people who raved about that movie 4 a long time,
They raved with zeal about the idea, or the plot.

The thing is the idea of the matrix film has been around for decades, the idea is indeed much older than anyone who went to see it, even older than their grandparents

I didn't like the stars in the film or the coolness. I find that the film puts out a sociopathic message and therefore has a very negative influence.

My irritation is with the film, I'm sorry if I offended u, I surely didn't mean to.
I can only agree with you that films are not particularly horizon expanding.
Vanilla sky is a nice bit of entertainment though.