I've been doing a lot of homework about myself and I've come to find that I am "involuntarily celibate". That means for some reason or another I would love to but I just can't get a date or a shag or anything. And it's not because there's anything significantly wrong with me. It's just that it's an unattainable thing for me. My friends and family are getting it left and right, but for some reason it has evaded me in every opportunity. Before my last girlfriend whom I dated from spring to fall of last year, I hadn't dated anyone since Jr. High (9 years). I always wanted to but I was always either shy or fearful of things like infidelity, VD, and stuff. Or I was focused on more important things like education and improving myself as a human being. But I always wondered what it would be like to get laid and fall in love.

Some of you might look at me and think I must be a playboy, but oh, how wrong you are. My mother asked me one time why I didn't have a girlfriend, but I didn't know how to answer. I just did this She thought of that as not normal, but I told her "what is?". Is it normal for Pacific tribes to mutilate and pierce their skin for art or fashion? Your average Westerner wouldn't think so. But that's how it is for that particular culture.

And then I started that thread a while back about how I've given up on finding a significant other. At this point I must say I have stopped trying to find someone since either every girl is taken or I'm just too weird or different from others. I'm probably doing to die a celibate virgin, but hey, it's something I just have to deal with.

Now you see one of the reasons why I'm a Morrissey fan.

But maybe on the .org there's someone who can relate. Or perhaps there are some who are voluntarily celibate for other reasons.

oh, it'll happen. The hardest thing is with getting together is that it works best when you treat it like no big deal. Of course when you're young & lonely it IS a big deal.

But i've seen many men blow their chances by putting too much pressure on themselves, and by extension, on the girl.

The best way to meet people is just to be friendly, and if anything happens it happens

but I've been there, and it feels like it's impossible to meet anyone

honey i went more than a decade without getting any

dating helps so with your girlfriend did you discuss the subject? did you feel it was a mature relationship? what was the cause of the end?


you are very fine so i am sure when you are ready or when the cosmos has alined for it to happen it will... just be open to everything.

If I've been waiting since I was 15 to get some and now I'm approaching 25, then something isn't right.

I was celibate for over 2 years several years back.

I was absorbed in my work and literally had no life outside of my job.

I survived and had plenty of sex to make up for it when I left that job.

NWF said:

no it means she is going to be very very lucky.

and i wouldn't have traded more meaningless sex for my celibacy for anything
well... there may have been the odd occasion where i would have but still!

emm said:

Uh...well the split was because of her infidelity, her perception of our relationship as simply casual, and her decision to strictly abstain from pre-marital relations. That shit nearly killed me.

NWF said:

Of course it feels that way, but when you find someone you'll make up for lost time real quick.

emm said:

Lucky? How? Most people who aren't bound by religion or conservative ethics lose it when their 18-21.

As Prince once sang, "I'm stiiiilllll waitiiiinnnnng....."

NWF said:

onward and upward then... she certainly didn't deserve it
and since then? have you flirted? feel sexy? gone out with anyone?


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[Edited 2/27/07 16:40pm]

I do alot of hookers.

The draw back is that prettiest one I ever had looked liked Dog, the Bouny-Hunter's wife.

But, hey,
a piece of ass is still a piece of ass, so....

emm said:

Nope.

Like I said, if it hasn't happened then, it's just never gonna happen.

Illustrator said:

I have standards, dude.

NWF said:

I know people who didn't get driver's licenses till after 30, have never drank until their 30's, never had sex until 30's, and all that changed in each case.

NDRU said:

But who is to say that there's hope for me? Not everyone's karma is the same.

NWF said:

no... you do something for yourself to make you feel like hot shit
you flirt outrageously and ask someone out.

OK, picture this: Let's say there's a big apple pie sitting on a table distant from you. You know that it's very nourishing and has a source of spirituality and connection in the universe. And keep in mind your peers have all approached the table and had a slice. But when you wanna go to the table, you either stumble along the way or you're told the pie is bad for you or when you're close, the table moves further and further away from you. And everytime you think of that pie and reach for it, it just keeps going further away from you.

Think about it.

emm said:

Tried that.....and failed.


But then again, I've become a cynic at heart as time has passed.

NWF said:

Hey me too.
I always pay them up front.

Heck, sometimes, I even compliment 'em afterwards.

NWF said:

True, maybe you'll die a virgin, but I doubt it.

I'm just saying 25 isn't that old. And people have sex & find love. It's only natural. Chances are you will too.

My mom met someone at 60! Imagine how unlikely she thought it would be. My grandma got remarried in her 80's!

Love is all around. The key is to be cool with yourself, and people will be attracted to that. Be happy, be busy, do something with yourself. It's much more attractive than a nice face (especially on a guy)

NDRU said:

There have been very few times in my life where I've been cool and confident with myself. Usually my life is plagues with challenges and obstacles that come my way.

And plus, what are the chances that I'll find a girl who likes Super Nintendo, left-wing politics and New Wave?

I'm currently sort of voluntarily celibate. I say voluntarily in that I know if I wanted to just get laid, I could. It's really not that difficult. But that's not what I want.

I would like to date, but I'm not actively pursuing it. I so rarely meet men I'm interested in dating and I don't even know how to go about it anymore. So I'm going along with life, doing the things I want to do and if it happens, great.

Although, sometimes I think you have to make it happen. Since I'm not looking, I'm probably missing out on a lot too. I don't know. It's all very confusing.

very, very cool.

NWF said:

True, not everyone's karma is the same, which is precisely why you can't compare your life's timeline to that of anyone else's and take from it that, because your experiences up till now are "different" from theirs, that you shall never have those experiences. It's unfair to yourself to think that way.

At the moment certain aspects of your life may seem hopeless - but the fact is that probability is on your side. You are young, and have many years ahead to yet experience every marvelous, amazing thing for which you are yearning.

As trite as is may seem the message is valid: you must be patient until things happen in the way they are meant.

NWF said:

second to none, but I like Star Trek, Prince, & Halo and I have a girl

I'm not saying you need to be perfect, just that you should project your better qualities and let her discover the bad ones. You can be desperate, just try not to appear that way.

NDRU said:

Yeah but these days a lot of girls are so superficial. Yeah there's deeper virtues about me like booksmarts and stuff. But I don't really have much money and the nice ride. So that makes me a little less marketable.

NWF said:

STOP MAKING EXCUSES!!





ok, I had to throw that out there. If you're the little guy, you're always gonna have to try harder. That's just life. It's not going to be handed to you on a silver platter. I'm lazy, I'm overweight, I'm insecure a lot of the time, I don't have a college degree, I'm certainly not conventionally attractive, I don't give a shit about sports and I can still manage to get dates. I'm also fun and smart and cute and have great taste. Play to your strengths, you know you have them. And maybe your standards are a bit too high. Try asking anyone out. Anyone. And just see how it goes. Even if you have a bad time once, you're at least getting experience.

A little tip - most women don't really care about cars and money. At least, I can only think of one female friend of mine for whom that's an issue. If you're happy with your life and what you're doing and have some direction the rest of the material crap doesn't really matter. And if that's all that's important to her, she's not a good fit for you anyway, so find someone else who is.

You know, I don't wanna sound like a real pessimist here, but these are just the facts of the matter here in my situation. When you have every girl you come across reject you or find they're already taken, what do you say to that? I can only conclude that there's just no one out there for me.

But wait, that's more about unrequited love. However that does relate a bit to my situation.



Ah fuck it, I'm done.

NWF said:

Perhaps that particular pie isn't meant for you to taste. Perhaps your pie is set out elsewhere, on an entirely different table. A pie that is equally as nourishing and satisfying (but with the added bonus that it will be all the more delicious because, when you finally taste of it, you'll not gobble it down without really savoring and appreciating it).

I'm not just offering up poetic, cryptic mumbojumbo to pacify you. I'm trying to illustrate that perspective can change everything because, from what you've written, your experiences are similar to mine and so I understand where you're coming from - and what I finally came to understand is that there are times one has to shift one's viewpoint in order to find the correct path leading to one's own pie.

NWF said:

Don't believe it! I've seen girls get in horrible cars (like mine), or even drive men around themselves. My friend who didn't have a Driver's License till his 30's always had a beautiful girlfriend because he projected confidence & made people laugh.

Sure, those superficial ones are out there, but you don't want them. There are beautiful AND sweet girls, too. They want a good guy; this isn't high school anymore.

And booksmarts makes you marketable in ways (career ways) that are eventually attractive, even to superficial girls (if you choose to go that route). Pursue your life, and women will always be around.