1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T Fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS
Police in Oakland,California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give
yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three
hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or
I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" Is this her first child?"
the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to
keep his hand in his pocket. (helllooo!)

8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost
every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop was the
correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER... THIS IS TRUE ... Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.

Hehe, I bet you thought this was gonna be about some Orgers!

Funny stuff...
I like it very much

LoL

sag10 said:

i used to work in Modesto..and yup, most of the people there are *that* dumb...

I didn't think it was gonna be about orgers.. I thought it was gonna be about Bush and his pals!

SkletonKee said:

Skelly, if you listen to the Jim Rome Show, then you know the legend of "Patty from Modesto"

sag10 said:

Brilliant!

!!!SAG! U'RE TOO NICE TO SAY: MORON,ETC.

RELAX GAL.

RodeoSchro said:

no, i dont listen to Rome...but, youve got me interested..please tell me more.

SkletonKee said:

You know Rome has a radio sports talk show, right? Callers are told to "have a take and don't suck". If you fail that, you get run (disconnected), and worse, you become a laughing stock and the butt of jokes for days, weeks, or even years to come.

All callers give their name and location: "Greg in H-Town; John in Cleveland", etc.

One day a lady indentifying herself as "Patty from Modesto" got on the air. If she wasn't drunk, she did a damn good imitation. It was pretty much a totally-incoherent call.

She got run, and ever since then has become the euphemism for all drunks. And needless to say, all residents of Modesto are now lumped in with Patty.

ahhh...yeah, thats modesto too...wait, no, they are all speed freaks *and* drunks..

there, much better.