recieved this dont knwo if its true or not made me laugh


This really made me giggle - he sounds like quite a laff actually (in a weird kinda way)!! P





This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:







Dear Mrs. Murray,



While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:


1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of cond*ms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.


10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."


And, last, but not least:


14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."


Yours sincerely,


Charles Brown
Store Manager

It's definitely not true, but it is funny. I remember when I was 13 or so my cousin mailed me a copy of this titled "Things to do in Wal-Mart on a rainy afternoon".

meow85 said:

Yeah...sounds like that email is an answer to the classic walmart one.


Speaking of...


**THINGS TO DO AT WALMART WHEN YOU'RE BORED**


1.Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they don't realize it.

2.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute
intervals throughout the day.

3.Make a trail of Mountain Dew on the floor, leading
to the restrooms.

4.Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official
tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and
see what happens.

5.Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn
them all off and turn the volumes to "10."

6.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of
gift wrap.

7. Put M&M's on layaway.

8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

9.Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others
you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from
Bed and Bath.

10.When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry
and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

11.Look right into the security camera, and use it as
a mirror while you pick your nose.

12.Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a
full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

13.Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

14.While handling guns in the hunting department,
suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the
anti-depressants are.

15.Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of
the restrooms.

16.Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme
from "Mission Impossible."

17.Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the
store.

18.In the auto department, practice your "Madonna"
look with various funnels.

19.Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse
through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"

20.When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,
assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's
those voices again!"

21.If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink;
explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they
can put a little umbrella in it.

22.Go into one of the fitting rooms and yell real
loud..."Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"

-----

Additions:

23. ask a hapless stock clerk what preparation h is
for. when they tell you, tell them you've always just
used a pair of tweezers and a hacksaw.

24. nonchalantly come up behind another shopper. when
he picks up any given item, bat it violently out of
his hand, shrieking "NO! not that one! that one is
*skippy's*!" glance nervously from side to side,
saying "the last person who took skippy's [item] is
still in icu."

25. at the customer service counter, deny
vociferiously having anything to do with the sri
lankian plot to have all oven mittens removed from the
shelves.

26. in the clothing department, whenever someone looks
at a pair of pants, snicker and repeat "pants pants
pants pants pants" the whole time, perhaps mixed in
with "are you going to buy some PANTS?!"

27. as someone picks up a mop, broom, or other common
household item, wink at them and say in a knowing
voice, "i know what you're going to do with *that*."

28. replace all of the ads with the little yellow
smiley face with photos of joe denton.

29. pretend you are slalom skiing throughout the whole
store, and that the other customers are moguls. make
loud whoosing noises, and occasionally wipe out
spectacularly.

30. if you are a man, pick up a package of prolong,
and walk up to another hapless stock worker with a
desperate look on your face. say "will this help?!" in
a barely-audible whisper.

31. similarly, pick up a package of condoms, and ask
the same worker "do these come in smaller sizes?"

32. have a pet department worker assist you with
getting a fish from the fullest tank of small,
disposable fish. insist on getting aspecific one.
after s/he finally catches it for you, say "ooo!! that
one's even better!" and insist on the other one.
repeat until you are shot.

33. wrap yourself in tinfoil from head to toe, walk
over to where the bbq grills are, and try to crawl
into the largest one you can find, saying "i'm a baked
potato! i'm a baked potato!" loudly.

34. hide in plain sight (the middle of an aisle works
well.) when anyone walks by you, shout "BOO!" loudly,
and then mutter "sucker" under your breath.

35. pull an eddie james with the person offering
sample tidbits. an "eddie james" is when someone bugs
you about something you don't want to be bugged about,
and you out-bug them. for example: "would you care to
try our fresh-made roadkill surprise?" "why yes, yes i
would. say! are these capers?" "no...." "i love
capers. capers originally came from italy, you know.
so how did you cook it?" "well, we baked it in this
little oven at about 350 degrees for..." "350? really?
i made this turkey once, and i roasted it at 350
degrees, but it didn't turn out very well. my
grandmother once said that capers prevent heart
attacks, did you know that? anyhow, what kind of
cheese did you use?" and so forth.

36. have a conversation with a loaf of bread. laugh
riotously every now and then.

37. wear your full-face helmet into the store with the
visor down. make darth vader noises, and sashay
dramatically about, using a sheet for a cape.

38. pull a jack baird: wear dark sunglasses, and bring
a distinctly non-seeing-eye dog into the store on a
normal leash. close your eyes and see where your dog
leads you. it's best if the dog does things like
jumping up on meat cases and leading you into poles.

39. ask someone to tell you what catsup tastes like.
after they do, shake your head and say "nope, that
wasn't it then."

40. in office supplies, staple your pantlegs together,
and then your sleeves to your shirt. in an unearthly
screech, scream "not again!!!" and hop out of the
store frantically.

41. pretend canned good scare you. if someone passes
near you who has cans in their cart, dive for the
nearest shelter, whimpering.

42. there is no number 42.

43. when checking out, demand a price check on every
item, muttering that the clerk is probably trying to
rip you off.

44. sing or speak the commercial for every item you
put into your cart. if you don't know the ad, make one
up.

45. pick up a box of condoms, and take them to the
clothing department. hold up the box, and ask if they
have fitting rooms.

46. claim to be zeus. flirt with lawn ornaments.

*some I made up *

47. Ask the salesperson where the 'personal
massagers' are. Give 'em a 'wink-wink-nudge-nudge'
when ya do it

48. Run madly thru the aisles yelling 'The Amish are
coming! The Amish are coming!'. Try to look panicked.

49. You'll need to bring a friends for this one. As
you and your friend are wandering thru the store, at
one point during your conversation ask loudly, 'You do
WHAT with a Garden Weasel(tm)? Man, that HAS to
chafe!' and then continue your conversation as if
nothing unusual happened. You can subsitiute any other
garden tool/kitchen appliance/power tool for the
Garden Weasel(tm) if ya like.

50. Go to the electronics department and ask about the
release date for the new Britney Spears album....on
8-track. Keep a str8 face and try to be serious about
it ('The web site said it would be a limited edition,
Britney would NEVER lie to her fans...especialy me,
we have something *special*')

51. Claim to have seen the face of Jesus in the nachos
being served in the 'Radio Cafe' (or whatever their
cafeteria thing is called) to random customers.

52. Go to the customer service desk and ask if you can
still get service if you're not wearing any
pants...those signs say *NOTHING* about pants.

53. Go into the toy aisle and write obsenities on all
the Etch-A-Sketches (tm).





_____

Damn Org. Anyway



I had this big long post describing the times I've tried out a few of things. But alas, technology has shown it's ugly side and crapped out on me.