SureThing said:

SureThing said:

Dan started it, not me!

Mental abuse DEFINITELY exists. I know, because I've lived through it. It's not fun.

SureThing said:

On occasion I wax myself.

Some may view this a form of self-sbuse,
but whatev's.

It's my body.

I lived with someone who was mentally abusive. And now I am trying to get past it and not repeat the same pattern. And as far as someone asking for it, to me is like asking if someone is asking to get raped because of something they wear.

EverSoulicious said:

Exactly, because the psychos who prey on people this way look for unsuspecting targets for if you knew immediately you were being manipulated and abused, you wouldn't accept it. It's not realizing it until much later that makes it hard because you have a host of issues to sort through and consider.

I deal with verbal abuse from JustErin every day.

SureThing said:

I agree with Imago 100%.

Mental abuse occurs with both sexes,too. The individual at times doesn't have the strength to leave and being submissive is easier than making a change that will improve life.
An example: we had a male patient who was scheduled for surgery. His fiancee was a nurse who insisted on being in the OR for the surgery. Needless to say, the surgery got cancelled.

xplnyrslf said:

That makes you wanna sock a bitch up

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

There's a Child Protective Services. There needs to be an Adult Protective Services. I would've reported the woman. Social Services can be contacted for physical abuse. Mental abuse is harder to prove.

jerseykrs said:

that is more sexual tension then abuse.....just get a room already

CarrieMpls said:

You don't really mean that

There's definitely people out there that are a walking Lifetime Special - total drama queens/hypochondriacs looking for something to whine about.

But if you KNOW someone is being manipulative, just confront them head on and make their lives hell till they stop.

My closest friend has an ex who was verbally abusive to start with (i.e. he would threaten her and tell her she wasn't allowed to have friends because she loved them more than she loved him, what he would do to her friends, etc.), then it turned into physical abuse.

I do think it's real (although some people make it up I'm sure, to the disadvantage of people who really go through it). I don't think people should put up with it. I don't think they should wait for a change or listen when someone comes running back saying they've changed - they probably haven't. And even if they have, I wouldn't risk coming back. Maybe it sounds cruel, but my friend kept getting back together with her boyfriend after he promised her the world on a silver platter and she gained nothing. She ended up in worse shape in the end, despite the expensive gifts and apologies and promises.

Do you feel that you can't discuss with your partner what is bothering you?

Does your partner frequently criticize you, humiliate you, or undermine your self-esteem?

Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself?

Does your partner isolate you from friends, family or groups?

Does your partner limit your access to work, money or material resources?

Has your partner ever stolen from you? Or run up debts for you to handle?

Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance and being very close?

Have you ever felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid an argument about it?

Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?

Has your partner ever thrown away your belongings, destroyed objects or threatened pets?

Are you afraid of your partner?

*****

What is emotional abuse or verbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner?
Mental, psychological, or emotional abuse can be verbal or nonverbal. Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner consists of more subtle actions or behaviors than physical abuse. While physical abuse might seem worse, the scars of verbal and emotional abuse are deep. Studies show that verbal or nonverbal abuse can be much more emotionally damaging than physical abuse.

Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner may include:

Threatening or intimidating to gain compliance.
Destruction of the victim’s personal property and possessions, or threats to do so.
Violence to an animal or object (such as a wall or piece of furniture) in the presence of their partner, as a way of instilling fear.
Yelling, screaming, name-calling.
Shaming, mocking, or criticizing the victim, either alone or in front of others.
Possessiveness, isolation from friends and family.
Blaming the victim for how the abuser acts or feels.
Telling the victim that they are worthless on their own.
Making the victim feel that there is no way out of the relationship.


It's quite real

I have worked over 9 yrs in the spousal abuse arena

i think mental abuse is a greyer area than physical abuse, because i think our mentalities are more varied than our sensibilities regarding appropriate physical interactions.

i think that because of this, a lot of people may 'cry wolf' about being mentally abused, which unfortunately devalues all the situations where other people really ARE being damaged considerably.

i also think there are forms of manipulative/toxic behavior that are indeed damaging, but i'd fall short of calling it abuse. some people are just walking three-mile islands.

Anx said:

I totally agree with all of this.

Thats what I'm sayin'.

And then the people who ARE being damaged, don't wanna look like one of the drama queens, so they under play it.

BTW, I live near TMI, and one of the operators who works the nite shift needed time off, and they wouldn't give it to him, and he fell asleep on his shift.

It was on the news the other morning.

ThreadCula said:

thats awful

Mental abuse is very, very real. It is much deeper than physical abuse and affects the entire psyche of the victim. As a victim, it feels like fighting your way out of an avalanche or having a black cloud around your head or fish eating your brain. An overwhelming sense of fuzziness and loss of self-definition.

Having jealous outburts, making you feel guilty for being yourself or pursuing your desires or having friends, instilling a sense of betrayal for following your heart, using intimidation to get their way, being dishonest, using you for their own (emotional or other) needs without regard to your needs or sovereignty, not respecting your boundaries (i.e. entering your room without knocking, reading your mail, reading your diary, etc.) are some examples. Mostly it has to do with the intent, which is to control you somehow.

Imago said:

What if the abusers are your parents or close relatives?

heartbeatocean said:

That's tough, since it can take years to even realize it's abuse. I needed to get outside of my family to understand their mistakes.

NDRU said:

But even when you're well aware of it, do you maintain relationships with them? It's just a tough call if you know you're going to step back into the pattern, but then again, you love them too.

heartbeatocean said:

This is what leads most people to entere these types of relationships as adults.

heartbeatocean said:

yeah, fortunately for me the patterns had changed by the time I became aware of it being "abuse". I never received any apologies or anything, but at least the relationship is fairly positive now.

I think you should not maintain an abusive relationship, though, even with parents. I know people who don't speak to their parents. Something needs to change. Either end the relationship, the parents change, or the kids can learn to not be affected by it. I think that any scenario is possible in time.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

You mean maintaining abusive relationships with relatives or just having that history of abuse in relationships?

heartbeatocean said:

Having the history behind you. Growing up with abuse on both sides of my family, when it started happening to me, it wasn't that outside the norms of my existence. I look at my younger sister who had a very different experience than I, her father (my step dad) was not abusive, she never witnessed any of her family members being hit and she had mom at home unlike us when she became a single parent after my father left. She has never, and most likely never will, be in an abusive relationship.

As for maintaining abusive family relationships, we cannot help the family we have. It's a universal lottery. If you see some of the people I am related to, I look like Marilyn from the Munsters Friends are the family we create. Sometimes people need to remove themselves from family relationships, sometimes just for a period of time and sometimes permanently. It depends on the person and the situation. It's hard when it's your family though.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

... without even knowing how toxic these relationships are for them (including me) since that's all they know about relationship. And even toxic, people are often more secure with what they know.

Someone talked about learning new patterns, but imo it's very hard. Check Stockholm syndrome to understand why some people tend to stay with abusers.