All this mumbo jumbo about abuse and abusive behavior.

Physical abuse is obvious.

But I always hear people cryin' 'mental abuse'.

What do you consider mental abuse, and how do you think that behavior can be broken, if at all.

And how long should it be tolerated, before enough is enough?

It should be tolerated exactly .000001 seconds after you realize it's happening.


Then get the fuck out of that situation and never talk to that person again. Mental abusers don't change in my opinion.

Imago said:

And do you think that some people are just askin for it?


Ps, this isn't about anyone in particular, I just hear this mental abuse stuff a lot and was curious, if everyone believes in this stuff, or its just drama.

In terms of family and loving relationships.... Repeatedly calling someone names like Ugly, Fat, Stupid. Or constantly insisting everything is someone elses fault. Making the other person fear you. Lying or manipulating someone to feel a certain way or do a certain thing.

Just a few ways in someone can mentally abuse you.

if you are afraid of a confrontation or your partner's vocal outbursts
if you don't feel valued or respected
if your opinions or feelings are not ever counted
if your partner belittles you
if your partner ridicules you in front of your children or friends
if sex is about power and not intimacy

it would be different in all sorts of situations

i have a cousin whose husband drinks... i think there is verbal and mental abuse there but it's hard to speculate at what goes on behind closed doors.

It is a very complicated story, in my opinion. Even if your head is clear enough to notice it, and to give names to it (whether you are the abuser or the abused), it isn't always that simple to step away from it. Those who do not allow it, are most of the times the fortunate ones born into a stable family in which mental 'abuse' did not occur.

I keep struggling with a very difficult relationship, which will probably never work out as I/or we want it too. I can see it, but that isn't enough for me to say 'no' when I should.

The definition of mental abuse? That's a hard one. For me it's weakening others even more instead of supporting them.

MarieLouise said:

Why do you stay together?
Do you feel like the reasons to stay together outweigh the reasons to leave?

SureThing said:

I don't think anyone "asks for it" but I do think people fall into patterns in their lives. They need to change their patterns and replace them. Also, ear candling may help.

SureThing said:

It's very real and it's very painful.

Imago said:

emm said:

this story comes to mind. This father forced his kid to videotape him abusing his wife
http://abcnews.go.com/202...738&page=1

Imago said:

OMG, I love ya so much.

Someone trying or succeeding in lowering your self esteem

Yelling--more one way, not just an argument. Of course you could abuse each other.

Insulting you

Making you feel like you need them, rather than making you feel like they need you

In general, making you feel bad about yourself and putting themselves in a position of power.

I think we all put up with a little bit of wrongness from partners (we're all human), but that doesn't make it right. If you're questioning it, it's probably over the line and you shouldn't put up with it.

SureThing said:

There is such thing as mental abuse and manipulation. I lived through it Part of my problem was that I never realized he was playing mind games with me because it never occurred to me that someone I loved would fuck with my mind the way my ex did. Once I realized he was playing games with my head, I was in the position to do something about it. It took me about a year to finally get the courage up to leave but yes, emotional and mental abuse is real.

SureThing said:

It probably comes down to that, yes. We've had very intense moments, incredibly intense and close. Those make it very very hard to step away.

I know how silly it sounds. But the truth is, the people who know us as a couple, are often the ones who think breaking up wouldn't be the right decision.

It's a very strange thing. He's cheated on me twice, and there is no reason for me to believe he would never do it again, but in a way that has become too unimportant to break up for. For real, if people would have told me about this four years ago, I would not have believed someone could push my boundaries so far. But it has happened.

Imago said:

Is that what's happening in your avatar?

MarieLouise said:

And it does happen. I know at the time I was in my abusive situation that I sat and couldn't believe what my life turned into and how did it happen. We learn to live with the unacceptable, to become comfortable in our discomfort because fear of the unknown often feels scarier than dealing with what we know. I have been here and done that. There are reasons why people stay in relationships that aren't right for them. It's all about recognizing what is best for you, this relationship may or may not be, if it's not you have a choice to make.

Imago said:

Okay.

That covers that.

Now can we hear from the hetero upper middle class parents?

mental abuse is out there...deffinately...I may b guilty of it...but it does get exaggerated...WAY too often

Imago said:

EAR CANDLING IS WORK OF THE DEVIL!!!
SERIOUSLY!!!


Don't anyone do it ever, ever EVER.


endorphin74 had major, major ear issues and could have had permanent damage from an ear candling mishap. Who the hell thinks it's a good idea to stick wax in their ear and LIGHT IT ON FIRE anyway??



ok, that's all. I just feel very, very strongly about this one. Thanks.

CarrieMpls said:

What is wrong with yous????

I'm a total retard and I ear candle all the time with no problems.

CarrieMpls said:

Poor endo I feel pretty desperate though. Sometimes I want to claw off my ear

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I know this is like, a little out there, but, have you considered seeing a DOCTOR???

SureThing said:

The only positive effects are simply placebo. Try burning one without sticking it in your ear. It will look the same when you're done. It does absolutely nothing for you and you run the risk of HOT WAX FALLING ON YOUR EAR DRUM. endo was in excruciating pain for a very long time and had to finally be put out so they could get in there and scrape the wax off.
So not worth it. Just so you can feel better about something that isn't even working to begin with.

SureThing said:

Um, I have and they want to prescribe pills I cannot take!

I think we have crossed lines somewhere. I'm hearing another thread.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Very true.
[Edited 2/7/07 11:33am]

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Oh.

NDRU said:

Yeah, I know, one thread about Richards ears are not enough.