I've had enough. More than enough.

Every day, I wake-up and I wish that I hadn't.

I go to work and I want to just pick up a chair and whack a number of people across the face.

My friends all think... I don't know. I wouldn't treat anybody the way that I'm treated by my friends.

I'm always left behind. I'm not a bad person. I had two phone calls all last week. Admittedly, I'm poor - but that wasn't a lifestyle choice.

I just lay on the couch all day yesterday. I didn't even brush my teeth. I mean, I brushed my teeth today. But I really couldn't do anything yesterday. Everything was an effort.

I've just had enough. If I had enough pills in the place tonight, I'd swallow them all.

If you are depressed, go to your doctor

Well then I am thankful that you dont!



I dont pretend to have answers but I know death isnt one. Just hang in there another day.....

http://www.helpjacqui.com/home.htm <-- still has hopes of a normal life and finding love.


Go see a doctor. Do something. It's a perception Justin--not reality.
I suffer from boughts of depression and I can say that after learning teqnqiques of coping with it, I'm able to push through it and when you're in the clear you realize just how muddled it is in the haze.

As for your friends, examine the relationship from an outsiders standpoint if at all possible. Is it them? Is it you? All things can change.

You need to see your doctor ASAP!!!

DO NOT give up...that's not an option!!!

oh sometimes (almost all the time) i feel this way.and my problem is that i'm not left but always i get 2 much attention and evrybody wanna b friend with me not bcuz they like me but bcuz they wanna tell 2 evertbody oh i'm with that popular girl and i hate it...and bcuz i reject them they call me snob..i hate my life...and i know exactly how u r feeling but plz don't harm ur self just get out and find some1 who will love u...that's the best part of our life...and if u want u can talk about this with me...truly...

luv4u said:

How vacuous and flippant.

Justin, I don't think there's anything anyone here can say that will make you feel better tonight. Some self-satisfied smug arseholes will don the mask of sage and talk of hope and flowery claptrap, some will post hug emoicons, some will post flower emoicons, some even heart emoicons and hug emoicons. And although we do care - everyone with a heart would have felt a sinking feeling in their gut when reading your words - we're strangers on the internet and have no idea who you are or the circumstances of your life which have led you to this conclusion. Really, there's no true comfort here. It's all an illusion. Have you any family members you can speak to?
[Edited 1/28/07 13:37pm]

Imago said:

I don't know what it is, with my friends. It's everybody I've ever met. It's always contrived or arch.

I had all this shitty upset before Christmas and nobody stopped to ask me how I felt. I am seriously considering selling everything I have, on eBay, and starting again someplace.

I'm going to be 35 this year. I haven't progressed any further since I was five. I'm half-way through my life and I've done nothing. Nothing.

Imago said:

Wow, that is on the money! Very well put.

Justin1972UK said:

I totally reinvented my life at age 20. Joined the military and left my home.
It was the best decision of my life.


HOWEVER, you can't just up and leave without a plan. You can't just go someplace to get away from some other place. You have to map out a plan.



Get on your computer and seriously think about what you want in life exactly 2 years from now.

Write them down and be very very specific.

Once you've writen all those things down, write down the things preventing you from getting there--be very very specific (not just I'm poor, or I'm not good looking, etc.).

Now, figure out very specifically how you can address all of those things and work out very detailed plans on how to get there from where you are--they can be very little things.

EVERYTHING in your life can change. EVERYTHING.
There is no trap. Traps are delusions.







But because you're depressed:
HOWEVER, above all else, go see a doctor.

Number23 said:

well aren't you just a bucket of flowery sunshine. take your negative crap elsewhere. he posted his thoughts on the internet and his internet friends are responding. comfort is here for those who wish to partake of it, and if you think friendships here are an illusion then you've obviously never had a real one.

however justin, i do agree that you should find someone you can talk to face to face.

and here's a hug and flower emoticon, just to piss him off.

fantasyislander said:

I agree with Number23

I don't think he's being negative. He's being realistic.

Imago said:

so you don't think the comfort and friends here are real? that's a shame.

Number23 said:

No.

Honestly, I can't explain it. You know you see movies and they show crazy people and they're sweating or trembling. Well, I don't feel like that at all.

I've just got this weird feeling of clarity - like taking a paracetamol after a headache = except I haven't got any headache. It's not clarity. I'm not learning anything. I'm blocking everything out. It's not by choice. I just can't think straight. My mind is racing. It's like getting undressed in front of strangers. You feel vulnerable and powerful all at the same time. It's the only thng I can compare it to.

I've felt this way before. I hate it.

fantasyislander said:

You possess more of a negative mindset than I ever will and you just proved it, honey. I rarely banter with lesser intellects or religiously minded individuals so, cheerio. Sorry for the jacking, justin.

fantasyislander said:

I think emoticon responses are great ways to show you care for folks dealing with loss.

Justin is depressed. He's not reflecting on the past, but scared of the present, and seeing no future. Number23 pointed this out and was just making a point that Justin really needs much more than the standard bout of orger posts for comfort.

I think he's right.

Number23 said:

yeah, ok.

fantasyislander said:

Happy to make you laugh.

fantasyislander said:

No. He was being helpful. It's nice of you to care. I'm not being trite - I'm serious.

fantasyislander said:

How are emoticons and typed words REAL, sweetheart? Would you prefer it instead of embracing a REAL body or holding a REAL flower? The computer screen you're staring at is the reason for a large amount of the misery you feel.

Come on. Don't be so sensitive. Even Justin knows how to snap out of it--he will if he wishes. Who can't relate?

Imago said:

yeah, i said i think he should find someone to talk to face to face as well. i don't believe that dismissing strength, encouragement, and/or advice friends or strangers might post here is helping any either. that could easily be read as "anyone who cares isn't real" and how in the hell would that help anyone? people posting comments and messages from behind a computer screen may not be there to hug them in person, but that doesn't mean the concern isn't real, and telling ANYONE that is anything but encouraging.

Justin1972UK said:

hey! i didn't say that!

Imago said:

I'm scared of now. I wish you were here. I wish I could stop my mind racing.

I'm so fuckibng scared.

INSATIABLE said:

sorry, but i've dealt with family members who suffered from serious, suicidal depression. someone reading that could easily interpret his negativity in the wrong way. i agree that justin needs to talk to someone in person, but putting down the offering of encouragement on here is not the way to tell him that.

Justin1972UK said:

Don't lose that fear, Justin.

INSATIABLE said:

and emoticons might not be real, but the friendships made here definitely are.

fantasyislander said:

Oh, lady. You don't have to spell it out for me. Just because someone feels opposite the way you do, their words shouldn't be pigeonholed as "insulting". That's an awfully black-and-white way of thinking.

This sounds like some serious shit going on here. I've some of your threads before that were similar to this one.

Have you seriously considered seeking help from a professional? I've been thru major depression myself and there ain't no way in hell I could have gotten through it without some serious assistance. I mean in pill form.
I suffered PPD after my son was born.I was on zoloft for a few months just so I could get off the damn couch, man. People around you may not understand but I sure as hell do and if you find a good psychotherapist/psychiatrist or whatever, they can help you get yourself together.

fantasyislander said:

And 2 + 2 is indeed.....4.