Okay...

This is what happened just before X-Mas last year.

I'm sure I've mentioned all these people before, but never in connection to one another.

Here's the cast of players...

Neil. My ex. I met him at work and we dated in 2004. He dumped me after I attended a friend's 30th birthday party on the East Coast without him. He didn't want to go and I wanted to (as the host of the party was one of my oldest friends). So, I went without him and he dumped me upon my return. He never wanted to meet any of my friends or socialise with them. During 2006, we started talking again, culminating in our ending up in my bed last Summer. Although we weren't strictly "an item" again, we met for drinks a number of times and chatted on the phone quite regularly. In retrospect, I was lonely and let down my guard. I brushed aside all the reasons why my life was so much better without him in it.

Peter. My friend. I've known him half my life now. There's always been this weird sexual tension between us, although he identifies as being straight. There was "an event" between us, when we were 18, which he proffesses to not recall. I actually asked him about this last Summer. We'd fallen out over something else completely unconnected with this drama and when we started talking again, I just wanted it out of the way, once and for all. His response was, "Sorry, Justin. I don't remember anything happening. If it did happen, I'm not bothered. And if it didn't happen, I'm not bothered". We spent most of our late-teens and early twenties in an alcoholic haze.

Kevin. Mine and Peter's mutual friend. He's a bit-player in this.

Louise. My friend and Kevin's wife. Louise also (coincidentally) attended primary (elementary) school with my ex, Neil.

Andy. Peter's friend. Now... If Peter wasn't out and about with me or Kevin, he'd be with Andy. They attended soccer matches together; Their wives held elaborate dinner parties which you could only attend if in a couple; And Peter told me on many occasions that Andy disliked me because I'm openly gay. If Andy was invited out to a party or a night on the town, I wouldn't be invited. I hardly knew him. He was a friend-in-law at best. I could never comprehend how Peter could be a friend to Andy, knowing that Andy was homophobic and I am gay. Andy was in attendance the night another of Peter's friends threw a can of Campbells Mushroom Soup at my head. Does anybody remember that story? I posted it here. It was nightmarish.

Did you learn nothing from these people?

On the last day of November last year, I was reading through my email and saw an offer for free SIM cards with 500 free texts a month, so long as you credited £10.00 a month. I already had an email open from yet another mutual friend, Craig. So I absent-mindedly copied and pasted Craig's distribution list into my email and added a few other names. Amongst those other names was my ex, Neil.

The morning after, I received a text message from Neil whilst I was at work. We now work for differing employers as I left the company we both used to work for, last October. His text was cryptic and of the "I really need to talk 2 U" variety. I didn't get home from work until late and by the time I spoke with him it was after 11 p.m.

He didn't waste much time in telling me what he had to say...

He knew one of the names on the email I'd sent - Homophobic Andy's name to be exact. I was incredulous, but Neil confirmed whom Andy worked for and his wife's name. Neil stated that after we split up in August 2004, he had started to phone those seedy chat-lines, to hook-up with strangers for sex. He and Andy had apparently met on more than one occasion. Andy does have a unique surname. He's of Eastern European descent and his last name looks like an anagram. His name is in fact so unique that it's Googleable.

Although Neil had verified a number of Andy's personal details, I was still in disbelief. So he emailed me a photo of "his" Andy and it was the same person. Not only that, but the photo wasn't a random snap-shot but a passport-type picture which had been scanned. It was evidently something which nobody would have in their possession unless they were given it.

I went to bed that night with my mind in a whirl.

The last time I'd seen this Andy, me, him and Peter had been drinking in town, around last June. Andy had hid my mobile phone, so I'd thought I'd lost it. He then pretended to call my mobile and speak to persons unknown whom "told" Andy that they would wait for me in a bar across town, so I could go and retrieve it. Whilst I went off to go and pick my phone up from the imaginary Good Samaritan, Andy told Peter that I'd gone home and they went onto another bar, dumping me.

My mobile phone was on me all the time. Andy had picked it up from the table and slipped it into a zip pocket I never use. I only realised when it rang an hour later...

superspaceboy said:

Honestly, life is stranger than fiction!

superspaceboy said:

Oh theres more....

superspaceboy said:

I haven't even started.

Justin1972UK said:

WTF? You are not speaking to either of these people now, are you?

Stymie said:

I'm still talking to Peter - but it's a bit strained at the moment.

So I think Neil's phone call was on a Thursday night. I must have had about two hours sleep that Friday morning.

I was just so mad. I was mad at all the times that I hadn't been invited out places or Andy had made snide remarks about me behind my back - or to my face... Whilst all along, he'd been sucking my ex-boyfriend's dick. It was just mind-blowing.

I was a little late for work that Friday morning and I was stood at the bus-stop near my home. Of all people, Peter drove past, slowed down and then did a U-turn, to give me a ride to work. This had never occurred before in my life. I felt like I was living in a movie or something.

I just couldn't say anything to him much. I really wanted to say something but I just didn't know what. My head was mashed. In retrospect, I wish I'd just taken an emergency holiday from work and spoke with Peter there and then.

I got to work and Neil texed again. He asked if I wanted a drink after work. I had questions which I hadn't even contemplated during our earlier conversation, so I agreed to meet him for a few drinks.

So, I met Neil in town and he was with another uber-camp ex-work-colleague (also, confusingly called Neil). The other Neil left after about an hour, but during that hour, I couldn't really talk.

Once the other Neil had left, Neil-the-ex pulled a paper wallet of photographs out of his pocket. He said that he'd taken a Memory Card out of an old mobile phone and took it to a drug-store, to get photos printed off from images stored on the card.

There were only two photos in the packet and both of them were quite pixellated, but viewable. One was of Andy alone. The other photo was of Andy and Peter in what appeared to be a hotel lobby someplace.

Like I said earlier, Peter and Andy attended soccer matches together. When their team "plays away", they sometimes go to other cities to watch the match and stay in hotels with their wives (whom treat the excursions as shopping trips).

I looked at the photos briefly and passed them back to Neil.

We then went onto a gay bar, whereupon Neil had this "deep and meaningful" chat with me. He apologised for dumping me two years previously and even made a point of stating that if I took him back, he'd make a concerted effort to socialise with my friends.

My mind was all over the place after the revelation the night before and my lack of sleep that morning. I kissed him goodnight as he got into a taxi but as I did so, I imagined where his mouth had been.

Oh. I forgot something here....

During mine and Neil's "heart to heart" on the Friday night in the gay bar. Neil showed me two texts he'd received from Andy that day. Neil had bated Andy by asking him if he wanted to "meet up".

Andy's first text was something like, " I CANT C U 2DAY. I CUD FIT U IN 2MORRO MORNING". His second text was, "RING ME AND LISTEN 2 ME WANK".

At the time, I didn't think it was all that odd that Neil was offering so much evidence to me. In my mind, he was trying to get back with me and the photos and text messages were bizarre courtship offerings.

He even offered to give me hand-written notes from Andy and other photographs.

He was in effect, giving me ammunition and twisting my head into pulling the trigger...

I am sorry, love.

I didn't sleep much again, that Friday night / Saturday morning. I felt like my head was going to explode.

Aside from the fact that somebody whom profesesd to hate me (due to my homosexuality) was actually queer, I was incredibly confused by Neil's overtures. I was already suspicious of Neil's motives by that Saturday morning.

Neil had told me on Friday night, that he and Andy had ended their "meet ups" last April. Thinking back, this would have been around the time that Neil had started talking to me again.

In addition to this, I also had other thoughts coursing through my brain:

Was it just Andy whom Neil had met with over the seedy chat-lines?;
When exactly did I sleep with Neil again?;
Could I have caught something off Neil?;
Does Peter know what Andy's been up to?;
Is Peter part of this? Have he and Andy been at it too?...

I was shaking like jelly on the couch. I really felt like I was losing it.

So, I phoned my friend Louise and she came around.

I told Louise the story up to that point. I'd already made up my mind before she arrived, that I would contact Andy and confront him. Louise said that this would be a bad idea.

Honestly, I was crying and shaking. I don't even know why now. I was a mess.

Louise took me to the local pub and after a couple of beers (and further discussion) I relaxed.

Whilst at the pub, Neil phoned and asked if he could come over to my place that night. I said that he could, because again, I still had questions.

Stymie said:

Honestly, at times, it feels like everybody's trying to drive me insane.

Neil arrived at my place that Saturday evening, at around six p.m.

As we walked into my flat, he leant in, to give me a quick peck on the lips. It was like a granny kiss. It felt odd. Really cold.

Neil took off his overcoat and as he did so, he tossed me the photographs which I'd passed back to him the night before. He said, "You forgot these" as he threw them to me.

We ordered a couple of pizzas and as we waited, I told him that I wanted to speak with Andy and let him know that I was upset. Neil agreed that this would be a good idea. I can't remember why he agreed it would be a good idea - but he definitely thought that it would be.

So with Neil next to me on my couch, I phoned Andy's mobile phone. The conversation went like this...

Me: Andy?
Andy: Yeah?
Me: It's Justin.
Andy: Oh. Hiya Justin! Are you okay mate?
Me: Listen, Andy... Can I talk to you? Are you alone?
Andy: Yeah. Why? What's up?
Me: I know you've been sleeping with other men.
Andy: What?
Me: I know you've been sleeping with other men, behind your wife's back.
Andy. Oh... Right?
Me: ...
Andy: So, how did you find out? Who told you?
Me: Andy, it doesn't matter who told me. I'm just ringing you to tell you that I'm not happy. You're a hypocrite for a start.
Andy: What?
Me: All the times you've put me down... And all the while you were probably sleeping with more men than me.
Andy: I've never said anything to put you down. I've never said anything homophobic.
Me: Maybe not to my face!!!
Andy: Oh. Bloody hell... Listen... I've been trying to cut down...
Me: ...
Andy: Does anybody else know?
Me: I'm not going to tell your wife. I don't intend to tell Peter.
Andy: Well, thanks for that. I haven't done it for a bit anyway.
Me: Andy? Do you realise why I'm so angry?
Andy: Oh! Oh. I've got to go. Amy's just come back from the shop with Cassie*. I've got to go.

The call ended and I felt worse if anything. He sounded like a scared little kid on the phone.

The whole call was weird. His nonchalance at my calling him, for a start. I'd never contacted him before and it was almost as if he'd expected me to call. Then his "I'm trying to cut down" response. I'll never forget that for the rest of my life. He made his homosexuality sound like a bad habit - like smoking.

Amy is his wife. I'm unsure if he actually said if she was with "Cassie" or not. I can't remember now. It was "Cassie" or "Katrina" or something like that. In any case, I had no idea whom his wife's companion was - at that point.

After the call, Neil hugged me awkwardly and said, "I'm really proud of you".

I'll continue this tomorrow. It gets worse.

I have to wake-up for work in five and a bit hours.

So good to have that characters list a la Agatha Christie or else

everytime i see you falling
i get down on my knees and pray...

This just makes me so sad.

Good grief

I realise this is your life but this is mad! I'm wanting to know what Neil's motives are.

Hope you're o.k.

god, i love you.

move to nyc.

Justin!

It's so good to see you again.

So sorry these people are treating you this way. I would not have confronted Andy with a call. No sir. That little MF...I'd be plotting a big gay outing in front of his wife and friends.

You so need to move.

Back again...

I'm finding this very cathartic, by the way.

Right... So, after the phone call to Andy, me and Neil were sat on the couch. Now, I can't remember much of the conversation between us at this point. I was sort of high on adrenalin after the phone call and had opened a bottle of wine. In addition to my fractured mental state and gradual innebriation, we didn't really talk that much anyway. I know it sounds silly (considering that I had 1,001 questions), but I was just exasperated with it all, even at this point. It felt like that warm chill you get after sex and you just want to roll-over and sleep. God knows what a therapist would make of that, but it's true. Although I felt slightly guilty about the phone call to Andy (because it really wasn't pleasant listening to him squirm), I felt like a weight had been lifted off my mind.

The pizzas arrived and we sat on the couch watching a number of movies I'd "obtained" from the internet. We sat entirely in silence whilst watching 'The Queen', except for the odd giggle here and there. I can't even remember what the second movie was. I'm pretty sure it was a slasher-movie and I turned it off halfway through because it was really shitty.

Neil started to talk, whilst clearing away the clutter from our meal. I told him about Andy's "I'm trying to cut down" remark. Neil then stated that the last time they had met-up, Andy had been crying, saying that he didn't want to end it but he didn't want to carry on the affair either. I remarked that I actually felt sorry for him after the phone call. Neil said that I should text him to tell him that it was he whom had told me. He said that it would put Andy's mind at rest and might make me feel less guilty.

I personally didn't see the point in telling Andy whom had told me about his apparent bisexuality.

We then watched an episode of South Park and as I sat there, I had a growing realisation that Neil was dumped by Andy. And may be bitter. And may have used me to get back at him in some way. I felt sick.

I made a pot of tea and put some music on.

Now, this wasn't like a cozy night-in between two potential lovers. Aside from the topic of intermittent conversation, we could have been any two blokes eating pizza and watching crap on the telly because we had nothing better to do. He was sat at one end of the couch and I was sat at the other. Considering that the night before he was suggesting we got back together, he really wasn't making an effort. But then again, neither was I, as I was deeply suspicious of his motives.

Neil wouldn't stop asking me to text Andy, to tell him how I knew. He even said at one point that if I didn't text him, he would. This was the first of his many ultimatums. So, just after midnight, I texed Andy with: "Neil told me".

After I sent the text, Neil's mood changed and he became a bit more "touchy feely". He was lying across my lap when he said something which confirmed all my suspicions...

Here comes the Dynasty bit, Supa...

Neil lay there and said, "Can you just imagine Andy's face if you get invited out somewhere over Christmas... and I walk into a room with you? It'll be like when Alexis walked into the court-room, in Dynasty. I'll wear a big hat - and sunglasses - and he'll scream when he realises it's me. He'll be like 'Oh my God!' when I take my sunglasses off. And I'll say, 'Hello... Andy.' I can't wait!"

He was obviously enjoying himself a little too much.

I asked him to sleep on the couch, explaining that I hadn't had much sleep the previous two nights and he accepted this without any fuss whatsoever. I gave him a cursory kiss goodnight, brushed my teeth a little too much and went to bed feeling like I'd invited a psycho-killer around for a sleepover.

PANDURITO said:

I'm glad you can follow it. My punctuation is pretty bad. I keep putting commas in the wrong places. I think.

Stymie said:

It very nearly drove me crackers.

glad this is at least cathartic for you

but i'm waiting for the brick to fall
but you seem to be in one piece emtionally so i am hoping for the best

sj1600 said:

Yeah, I'm fine.

Neil was basically "a woman scorned".

I now believe that it was a proper full-blown affair which he and Andy had. Although Andy had ended the affair in March or April of last year, they may have still met occasionally just for sex - but knowing Neil he would have wanted more.

I've come to this conclusion for a number of reasons...

One of the few things that either of them told me, which matched-up, is that Andy asked Neil to stop their "meet ups" around March or April 2006. I think Andy said March and Neil told me April. However, they were evidently still in contact after this "break-up" if Andy was open to the suggestion of sex (as Neil's texts from Andy on the Friday proved).

Neil wanted Andy but Andy just wanted cock.

emm said:

It never quite got to that. It still could, but after all this drama, I'm mentally-prepared for the worst.

I'm probably making it sound more important than it really is, by detailing it all like this. I honestly don't care if anybody gets hurt from this point onwards. None of these people, nor their actions, are my responsibilty. They never really were.

cborgman said:

You're not secretly married to a woman, are you?