Cloudbuster said:

The thread is lucky to have your lovin'.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

If time could move backwards, I would suggest a negative number of minutes.

I'm a big fan of the following phrase, coined by a rather amusing advice giver, Greg Behrendt:

It's called a breakup because it's broken.

Exes CAN be friends sometimes, but only once the broken relationship is a dead and buried part of the distant past. And only if there are really the makings of a friendship there. Often, rocky relationships are held together by intimacy and/or sex. If you take those things away, there's nothing to build a friendship out of, and continuing to spend time with them is just a temptation to fall back into the intimate/sexual relationship. Usually, you want the same fundamental qualities in a good friend as in a good partnership. If those things were there to begin with, AND you had the sexual chemistry, you probably wouldn't have broken up. In fact, I think the best candidates for post-relationship friendship are people who were great friends more than great lovers to begin with.


I say all of this only because the only reason I can think of to be sad that an ex is moving away is if you are wanting to keep them in your life as a friend. And maybe that's misguided anyway. So, it might actually be a GOOD thing to have that option physically/geographically removed.

Of course, asking how you "should" feel is always kind of pointless. If you DO feel sad, then you do, and that's ok, and you should do whatever it is you do to get through being sad, hopefully including dropping your friend, who loves you dearly, an orgnote and talking about it.

HereToRockYourWorld said:

An orgnote is not necessary.. Just wanted to suggest to the Advice lady to get a new desk!

That one is ugly!

TMPletz said:

Good point. I should add a link to my paypal account.

sag10 said:

That's probably true. I will look into that posthaste. Thanks!

Edit: how do you like the upgrade?
[Edited 1/11/07 10:50am]

HereToRockYourWorld said:

Orgnote coming soon

How do I get 9's to stop posting on my threads?

SureThing said:

This is one of those struggles that unites us as human beings.

It boils down to this: ignore him or bore him.

You either refuse to respond to anything he says, or you take him very seriously and literally and always respond to him in detail until he comes to believe that your threads are too much work to bother with.

OR, you become a moderator and ban him. Or bang a moderator and ask THEM to ban him (not Matt, he cannot be pursuaded to do org favors in exchange for sex, I've tried. . . I'd suggest going after Mach, she seems pretty hot and bothered ).

Good luck! We're all pulling for you.

Love the new desk

hey


where is our comfy chair to sit in while you dish out your advice ?

Mach said:

Presumably it's at your house. Wouldn't it be kind of creepy if I had a picture of your chair?

Beautiful Melissa,
I'm (technically) an only child. My dad's heavily involved in my life. I feel like I carry him on my back. He calls me at least once a day, and is never short of advice, pep talks, and personal anecdotes. While he's a beautiful person and will always be my hero, it cramps my ability to make decisions on my own and frankly, strains our parent-child relationship. I've tried everything I can do distance myself in the most gentle, confident manner; but it hurts him when I politely go about my life in any manner other than his specific, stone-set mindset. If he finds out I've deviated even slightly from his instruction, we're on bad terms for a long time--usually only until I find a way to apologize to him for not doing everything perfectly the first time. Some examples: starting college at 24, choosing teaching instead of nursing or accounting, living without health benefits in order to get schooling out of the way faster, keeping less-than-healthy friendships, disregarding doctor's warnings. All of these things can be done a certain way, the "right" way, and he operates at a very mechanical, sensible level. I'm less accurate with my rights-and-wrongs and at 25, have gotten incredibly fed-up with his constant forced instruction. He tells me on a regular basis that he has not slept a full, healthy night since I've lived on my own.

We've tried counseling, I've tried not returning his calls, I've tried every monologue I can come up with. It stunts my romantic relationships, as he frightens away my love interests. I simply don't introduce them to him, which causes more issues. I've pleaded with him. I've fought with him. I want to flee the country. Help. Please.

sorry for the delay...

Mach said:

this is kind of a hard question for me to answer, as i've never dealt with anyone with dementia. i'ma take a swing at it anyway: exactly how long are your mom's windows of logical thinking open? if you can't hold a proper conversation for very long with her i'm not sure how you'd be able to get your mom to see that her life choices haven't been the best. going over something of that measure is very heavy and requires the other person some time for you to explain to them all that and for them to be able to grasp that right away and react, and in the end see the light (that is, if they're willing to actually accept that they're the ones solely responsible for how miserable they are).

i might have to give this one a bit more thought, or wait for your reply to perhaps to go more in depth.

I'm kind of a pervert, but i'm cool with that, i just wanted to know if I'd be arrested for lewd conduct if I was travelling with a goat and a midget?

LordEvil said:

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

the windows of reality and logic are very small and any input at anytime can confuse her

her brain misfires and crosses information in very strange ways and often

she is much like a confused small child and like i told Melissa ... i really dont need to make her understand because it is almost pointless ( she would forget the convo within 3 minutes or sooner ) I just sometimes wish she would not put all the blame for everything she sees bad in her life outwards, like on my dad

exmp. she chose not to drive ... and was always driven round by my dad, her friends, of us children

and now she complains often everyday ... that she cant go anywhere

just things like that

really I guess for me...it's just a way for me to learn and see how the choices i made / make will help or hinder my older years

Thank you!

Mach said:

Don't blame your Mom to much! Her disease is doing alot of the talking.

I have seen the same situation time, and time again with those afflicted with Alzhiemers.

Such a horrible disease.

The worse the disease gets the more intolerable the individual.. Be thankful for the good times.

Dear Mellie Mel,

as everyone knows, I was laid off last Wednesday. Although I am waiting for a call from a friend who is getting me into her law office, I have been a lazy bum. I know I should be putting out apps everywhere.

How do I get out of this lazy funk!!?

M

INSATIABLE said:

That's a biggie.

I wonder what happened when you stopped returning his calls?

Parents get away with a lot. Most of us love them, feel indebted to them, and crave that stable, constant love in our lives. So we let them get away with bullshit that we would never put up with from our friends.

At some point, though, it's a relationship like any other. It's good for you, or it's not. And if it's not, you're responsible for how it affects your life as long as you continue to let it be a part of your life.

Maybe it's not possible to be gentle and polite. Maybe it's not possible to speak with this person regularly without it negatively impacting your life. You do have that choice. It's a fuckin' shitty choice: stop talking to dad and get all of that toxic crap out of my life, or keep talking to dad and live with the negative ways that he affects me.

But it sounds like that's probably the choice. You've tried talking to him, you've even tried counseling. . .maybe he just doesn't get the priviledge of your ear. And that sucks. And maybe in time he could come to understand why and change his ways, but maybe (probably?) not.

It's also possible that, given distance and time and healing, you could come back to him and have him be the same person, but have it be ok because you've become a DIFFERENT person. Not that there's anything wrong with you now. But time and growth may change the dynammic.

In the meantime, I'd suggest that you consider "breaking up" with him. And I'm sorry, 'cause that sucks.

LordEvil said:

Does "travelling" have some double meaning here that isn't obvious to me?

If not, no, proceed.

Mach said:

You have a great attitude. It's a genuinely hard thing.

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

Do you have to right now? I mean, what's the worst that will happen if you give yourself a couple of weeks to decompress and contemplate your next step?

If the answer is, "I'll be evicted and have to start spare-changin'", well, ok, you have to get off your ass. Start by giving your org password to somebody you trust, and having them change it, so you CAN'T log on. They are not to give it back to you until you email them with proof that you are employed. Make everything else in life so boring that working on job apps actually sounds appealing.

But if you can afford to take a little time to veg and transition, good. Do it. No need to feel guilty. You got nobody to answer to but YOU. That's one of the huge fucking joys of being single and childless. Enjoy it!

If I call paisley park, will they call back? Cuz I did.

miho9000 said:

I think it depends on what you called them about. What sort of message did you leave?

okay, i feel weird now. i kinda wish i would've thought of this thread idea first...

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

Do you want to alternate weeks?

HereToRockYourWorld said:

sure!

HereToRockYourWorld said:

I said something like... "Hey can I talk to Prince (pause giggle giggle) he's my uncle. CAll me back uncle P bye! (LAUGH LAU-)" Then I hung up....

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

Cool.

Imagine you and I on, like, some kind of public-access call-in show. That would kick ass.
[Edited 1/11/07 13:17pm]

miho9000 said:

Oh.

Did you actually leave your phone number?