After some posts in Tail's thread ( http://www.prince.org/msg...&tid=20980 )
I missed sumthing in THAT thread.

So, let's muse here about our first true love. Not the one that was unanswered, but the one that got returned.

Let's hear it for that special someone. Are you still in contact with him/her? ANd what did this person do to you on a personal level?

Let's hear it for TRUE LOVE.

Awright.

I told about my first crush in the other thread. My first crush was harsh and earth shaking because it made me realise something about myself; I would never be like most people around me. I knew which word would be tagged on me and that I would be battling with certain point of my personality for the rest of my life.

My first crush occured somewhere around the age of 13. He was a really nice guy and never knew.
Then I started to think about all those things I just mentioned and slowly started to accept the fact that I am gay. In Holland it was "kind of" accepted back then. Holland being liberal (unles you do not live in a big city, like everywhere in the world) and being the family's Benjamin made it real easy (compared to others) to tell my mother. Having had a 'loner' status most life meant I did not have any real close friends.

That was until I let Richard into my life. I was 16.

Richard was three years older than I was and we had been buddies for three years, but not close friends. I knew he was openly gay, but you could not tell; he was what you call a "bad" guy. He smoked, had a bike, wore leather jackets etc. All the girls loved him, all the guys wanted to be his friend.
After I finally got comfortable in my own skin he started to hang out with me even more. He would take me to Germany, the Dutch coast. We would just drive. We would hang out with all the creative people he knew in AMsterdam. He took me to my first bars, gay AND straight. Our favourite being the Roxy. He knew every bouncer and we never had to wait in line anywhere.
He'ld introduce me as his 'buddy', but all his friends knew better. I was way too naieve to consider myself his boyfriend, until everybody started calling me just that. It took me some time to ask. We did not even kiss at that time, so when I asked, he just smiled. He never stopped smiling that evening.
"Do you wanna be my boyfriend then?" he asked with total joy on his face. I guess my smile was answer enuf, cuz then he kissed me. Appropriately in the garden of the church, sun setting and all.

When you grow older and you start looking back you realise what a first love like that does to you. I was very lucky to meet a guy like that at that time of my life. For some it comes later. For me it was just right.
Richard really understood me; I never had to explain things. We used to talk lots. He would take me to my fathers grave, who died when I was 9; I never visited the grave, was a bit scared of the place. But he took me there and we would sit on the bench in front of the graveyard and just talk until I was ready.

He opened up my heart towards art. He opened up my heart to love. Everything was new, everything was fresh. The way we used to dance, love, make out, laugh, talk...he changed my life in so many ways.

We never lost contact, even after our relationship ended when I was 23. We had been in a stormy relationship, as it turned out he was looking for a different kind of relationship than I was. We kept in contact, sometimes rekindling the lust that still ived between us. But that stopped after some time, when I realised that the future was rushing at me.

I guess I am writing this because the thread of Tailgate first made me think about my first crush, but soon those thoughts logically turned to Richard. He was very special to me.

Richard died six years ago, at the age of 29. Way too young for such a vibrant personality to leave this world, but we had time enough to say goodbye. His spirit is still very much with me. Even though this ending is probably a bit sad to some of you, please do not take it as such. It was hard losing him, but the effect of having been loved by a guy like Rich will still be noticable in the years to come. I am sure.

Just a little story for going off to bed.

I just recently found out that my first love, did in fact return the sentiment, but wouldn't be with me for my own good. How's that? Actually at this point I could careless as I've decided I want to be alone!

To Little Too Late, huh?!

it is TailGate, not tail ...Ok now, that we have that taken care of... Well if and when I ever find him, I mean "HIM"...I hope I never forget him or lose him!

damn gooey that was a beautiful story...one of the most touching things i've ever seen at the org...i'm gonna

Unfortunately, I've spent most of my life in and out of the types of relationships where I've either been more "in love" with him than he was with me, or where a man wanted me to be a larger part of his life than I wanted...so I guess I've not really experienced an equal, mature, loving relationship.

AnotherLoverHolenYoHead said:

The hardest part is to find a nice balance between two persons. You can never 'measure' someone's ability to love though. Respecting eachother is the key in most cases. No respect; then it is a

gooeythehamster said:

Maybe it can't be "measured" exactly, but love is either there or not there...and I think respect isn't necessarily a guarantee that love exists.

AnotherLoverHolenYoHead said:

It works differently for everyone, I s'pose. To me, respect is very important.
But the fact that love has to be THERE is universal.

I found the true luv about 2 years ago...We r still 2gether...

gooeythehamster said:

I believe without RESPECT everything is gone. Love can be defined in so many ways and for so many reasons..but respect only serves one purpose.

Never been in love Gooey! I thought I was, till he turned into a one pump chump!


I'm currently dating a friend I've known for 8 years. It was weird at first but working out pretty well now. Who knows, maybe he'll be my first love!

I'll always love you though! Gooey!!!

Dear Pochacco, thank you for your kind words.

I always like it when people take the time to sent me notes and be nice.
It is not so hard to share these things here. Most of my thoughts I do not mind sharing. Some people just know the chatty side to me, but today I have been going somewhat deeper with things.
I came here to check up on the Prince news and then got addicted to the chat and the posting too. It is a fun way to spent the quiet hours at work. And when I have things to share with people like Zandi, Chris or Carrie I sometimes forget work (not a good tendency)
Anyways, thanks again. Appreciate it very much.

Jeremy

It is just that I maxed out on org notes today that I will have to thank you this way, instead of sending one back; I hope you will check back here to sse these words, if not; I will sent you an org note as soon as the MODERATORS allow.

CarrieLee said:

Love is just a word. It means so many things. The important thing is that you yourself have love in your (L).
And I know you do, cuz I experience it every time we hook up here at the org.
I wish I could visit the GC concert with ya so we could dance, swill beer and have fun.

There is no big love in my life either. Just a buddy I hook up with every now and then. Works fine for me for NOW.
If you have read the thread you know that after such a kewl dude, you cannot help but compare. Happens without thinking.
I have been swept offa my feet just ONCE since, but that was with a younger guy and the age difference got to us.

Important thing is not to sit and wait, but to go out and live oyur life. If it will happen, it will happen, but I think love should be an extra to a rich life, not the reason...

we were 15, and she was everything i wasn't
Pure of Heart, Pure of Deed etc.
she went to a school near my house in St.Louis.
actually, i had been goin with her best friend,
but i hurt her feelings really bad one day, and realized
that it caused me pain. (that was new)
we stayed together, off and on 23 years, 10 in real time.
the important part of all this is,
i had told her that if i din't marry her i would never marry...and i haven't, but in 93 i took that offer off the table.

I agree. And I'm totally not looking for it. I'm happy with the way my life is going right now. As far as I'm concerned, I'm 25 and it's party time!

If love wants me, it'll have to wait!!!

My first TRUE love?

I thought I'd been in love before. The one-way kind. Or the foolish "I *thought* I was in love" kind. Turns out, neither of those are love.

I'm' 25 now. And I only met my first true love in June. I love him dearly. And even though it's only been 2 and a half months, I know this is the life-changing kind of love I've been looking for. And I'm ready for that. I love it. I love him. I love us together. We're perfect together.

Aaron said:

The nice things about these kinds of love, they still help to define you as a person. They shape you, prepare you, sometimes in good ways, sometimes in bad ways.
Everytime I thought I might as well give up on love, there was something happening that proved me wrong.

Nice to hear you are in love. Enjoy every moment. All good things to you and your .

Uhm, life is beautiful...

TailGate said:

Respect is, and should be, an integral part of loving someone. But what I was saying is that just because someone has respect for another human doesn't necessarily mean that they also love that person. Or if they do love the person whom they also respect, it doesn't necessarily have to be in a romantic-love sort of way--which is what this thread is asking about, your first romantic love, not the first person you've ever loved in any fashion.

So, to get back to the original point, Gooey was saying in response to my post that a person's ability to love can't be measured, and that respect is the key to love. I'm saying that respect doesn't automatically create an ability to love and certainly isn't all that's necessary in order to love.

AnotherLoverHolenYoHead said:

yep...I totally know where ur coming from!

Marla. I don't talk to that skank anymore. I loved her for about 30 minutes.

LowDown said:

That obviously includes both dinner and foreplay... right?

IceNine said:

I ate. foreplay? naw, I just get in there.

LowDown said:

Then it could not POSSIBLY have taken 30 minutes... more like 30 seconds... including the time it took you to remove your fucking clothes, shithead.

IceNine said:

Yeah ok. Keep talking ya fuck.

LowDown said:

Ooooh... a witty retort...

I can see why she dropped your fucking ass. Keep 'em coming, Magellan.

EEEKKK!!!


Icenine, what's UP???

CarrieLee said:

I am not 100% sure ...then again, I am never sure what is going on... I am addled...

IceNine said:

maybe I am to witty.

LowDown said:

From what I can tell, that is certainly the case...