I've got a EX-friend (same ex-friend who smoked a lot of meth, couldn't hold a job, is abused by her husband). We had an exchange of words recently that caused us to end our friendship. She says that I'm only successful because I'm a brownnosing asshole.

I'm interested in opinions. Can you only be successful if you brownnose? What do you think she meant by that?

No, you don't have to brownnose to be successful, and she probably said it out of envy, self-insecurity and anger.

She wants you.

Zogmuffin said:

Interesting.

Of course you can be successful without being a total bootlicker. She was just finding whatever tiny detail she could attack you for, since you had all of the obvious ammunition of her being a raging selfish mess.

insomnia said:

I tried to explain that in the adult world, there is such a thing as "going along to get along" and "professionalism".

Her last job was at a Kohl's, where she eventually got fired because she either called in sick too often, or her drunk, stalking husband would come in and harass her. Neat, huh?

gemini13 said:

You don't seem like the type to brown nose, first of all.

Second of all, I think you can be successful w/out brown nosing. If I was a boss, brown nosers would annoy the hell outta me.

Third of all, I think she meant she's just jealous of you, by it.

SureThing said:

I wonder why you know me better than her? Maybe because she obviously can't see past her own ego?

gemini13 said:

I'm getting the impression that this is precisely the sort of chick who finds that stalkerish behavior flattering and has yet developed the emotional maturity to realize the impact her own choices have on her life.....I really think your're doing yourself a favor by breaking that tie.

insomnia said:

DING DING DING!!!

Wow, you're very perceptive.

Tell her to stop using mixed metaphors...

2the9s said:

gemini13 said:

Thanks! You're very nice to say that. I like to people watch...you do that long enough and you start to notice the patterns of impending human trainwreck

envy kills



what kind of "friend" would not honor your hard work and lift your spirits

I mean seriously ... wonder what she sees when she looks honestly at herself in a mirror

.....yeah, friends are supposed to build you up.

Lose her.

In my situation Brownnosing was the only way that I got such a high review, and then a bonus this year. It had damned little to do with work performance.

1) she's an ex-friend so who cares what she thinks...

2) ehh...thats all...

Imago said:

Well you are the supreme king of brown-nosing after all. I can't think of a single orger that has't been propositioned by you yet.

Zogmuffin said:

I agree with Ben. BUT I also say a little brownnosing doesn't hurt.

I wish I could brownnose. But I can't. I think I'd have an easier time at work if I did.

gemini13 said:

That's very true. There are all sorts of games to play to do better in a professional career. But that doesn't mean you're being insincere or 'selling out', which is usually what I would call brown-nosing. A lot of it is simply learning social niceties and honing the art of persuasion.

Imago said:

But are you insincere?
I find a lot of it is more in the way you say things, rather than the actual message. Instead of saying "I hate my job and I hate you" to a boss, you give suggestions for how your job could be changed, how you could be more challenged, that you find their managerial style different and that you're still getting used to it, how they could help you and your performance by changing certain habits. It's all true and you mean what you say, but it comes out better than the former.

she resents your success, and is jealous of how together you are.

Simply, if you can't kiss arse, you're fucked in this life. If you think I'm wrong, reply to this post when you're 40 and the only meat you can afford is those Biblically damned sausages in Heinz breakfast bean tins.

what is a brown noser?

Number23 said:

please, just be blunt. don't sugar coat it.