well, like i said earlier in this thread, i had a complicated relationship with my grandmother. i was both close to and distant from her. when i was a child, she was almost as much of a parent to me as my mother (she lived next door to us when i was growing up); by the same token, she was a kind of eccentric and angry woman with whom i had a hard time really connecting with as i got older. i do have my own memories, though, and my own good reflections. my mother had a much more substantial relationship with her, obviously, and i think that's where the loss is greatest. as for me, i don't think there's a timetable for processing the death of a family member or loved one. you spend your whole life remembering and feeling things and missing the person. eventually, those feelings just blend in with all the other feelings we have to process every day. that's my theory, anyway.