With the holidays around the corner its not too late to start thinking about how you will woo your cell mate into holiday blissful night of passion.

You say "But Lord Evil I'm not in prison" well not yet, but it is the holidays the time of the year when arrests are up. In-laws driving you crazy trying to convince you Bush is a good president, starting a family fued that ends in handcuffs and not Richard Dawson sticking his tongue down your wife's throat.
One too many drinks at the company Christmas party and you're driving home, fail a subreity test and then you're alone in a cell on Christmas. Proposition a police officer dressed as a hooker in a vice sting operation, that boner doesn't have to be lonely on Christmas.

I say think ahead if you get arrested now, arraignment won't be until after Christmas so lets start thinking on ways to allure that cell mate. So you are not alone and horny on Christmas

FIRST!!!

wouldn't it be easier to molest the christmas turkey?

why go through all the trouble of getting arrested???

i made a special vibrating yule shiv out of a battery operated toothbrush - i'm going to give it to my cellmate k-devil first thing christmas morning.

Anx said:

what's a yule shiv?

a shiva carved out of yule?

IstenSzek said:

http://en.wikipedia.org/w...v_(weapon)

Anx said:

that's so very Oz

Richard Dawson sticking his tongue down your wife's throat.

LordEvil said:

Did you write this?

Damn, I love you man.

Anx said:

Oh my god.

Stymie said:

leave it to me to kill a thread by mentioning a vibrating shiv.

Stymie said:

You can't plagerise insanity.

Anx said:

See now this is exactly what you should be doing. You and your cell mate should have a very erotic Christmas

IstenSzek said:

Molesting a turkey is considered animal abuse and a misdemeanor,guess where you'll be????

It is considered polite to learn the 2 finger prostate massage during a conservative white house

LordEvil said:

Merry

/ \

] [
Christmas

july said:

"Cock In A Box" I saw that skit

This thread is worth spunking over.

Cloudbuster said:

been there
done that
watch your step

Cloudbuster said:

That wink was supposed to be a , You nob.

Anx said:

Oh, that was you? I can deal.

please explain the techniques employed in the jail system for those inmates desiring their assholes bleached..?

purplerein said:

Excellent question,

Thats a tough one, since bleach is not allowed in prison, you can still get amazing results by using toothpaste with a whitening agent.

You should do very well in prison, your question shows consideration and fourthought, if you are arrested I see a very decadent night of erotism for you and your cell mate.

BEST THREAD EVER!!!!!

LordEvil said:

well done, monsieur

Illustrator said:

If you make Illustrator laugh, you are one funny motherfucker.

Stymie said:

I don't know who the illustrator is

Oh and for those of you who are in prison and just can't get down with the cock.

You have conjectcal visit sex, but a word of caution, take a bullet out of the chamber before meeting that special someone. Its been awhile you don't want to go off like a cork on a champagne bottle at New Years when she walks in the room.

LordEvil said: