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PrintableStepfordWive said: Stymie said: My honest opinion is why in the hell are you with this guy?
Oh, well not that opinion. 
Thats a via org note type opinion. The other honest opinion is he was wrong for getting on you considering his mountains of fuckups in the past. BUT, you really should not drink around him or have alcohol in the house. Let me tell you something really personal: My mother died from alcoholism at age 43. Take care of yourself and help your husband so that nothing like that happens to either of you. | |
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ok... they have been separated
they are going to try again shit changes when you have kids, people doesn't mean it will work and there are lots of feelings of resentment to work through but it means she is going to try again.  She couldn't stop crying 'cause she knew he was gone to stay | |
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jerseykrs said: StepfordWive said: Well, not EVERY nite, but like 4 nites a week, everyone does this at some poinmt in life. yes, they do, but that doesn't erase the fact that it's a problem. Maybe not "alcoholic" problem, but it isn't good. Oh shut your hole! Look who's calling the kettle black! | |
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CarrieLee said: jerseykrs said: yes, they do, but that doesn't erase the fact that it's a problem. Maybe not "alcoholic" problem, but it isn't good. Oh shut your hole! Look who's calling the kettle black! I knew you'd show up eventually.
Anyways, my husband is actually a wonderful person when he's not drinking. And we have the potential to be a great family. Like emm said though, there is A LOT to work through, but I think in the long run it will be worth it. Anyways, thanks for sharing that Stymie. 
And thanks for the honesty. | |
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StepfordWive said: Stymie said: Are you for real? Or are you just playing?
Not for real, like bein' a bitch for real. I guess that was harsh. Heres what I mean. I spent 5 years driving his drunk ass home. Getting kicked out of bars because of his loud mouth, cleaning puke out of my car, etc, for him. I kinda feel like, he shouldn't have been so quick to make me feel stupid about it the ONE time he had to take care of me. I also agree NOW after the fact that I can't drink around him. So I guess we were both wrong? (Give your honest opinions for real, I'm not gonna get all defensive) Ur not, by any chance, drinking in front of him just to show him a little bit of what it was like for you in the past. are you? i wouldnt think so, but i just wanted to ask. (Insert something clever here) | |
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Hhmmm ...
Best wishes for you hun 
You know in your heart what is best for you and your children 
I must say though ...you also know the "easy" way won't help you much or your kids ( even your husband ) It can be so easy for others to say this or that ( more so on-line ) and when you open yourself up to others this way ... it could hinder your progress ( and it couldn't too ) It goes back to really being honest with yourself and knowing that you KNOW what's best for you and the children you are mother too you will teach them by example how to have a good life ... or otherwise
you know i love you you know where i am if you need to chat | |
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gemini13 said: StepfordWive said: Yeah listen to this, and tell me what you think. I'm a tad offended by his 'counselors' but maybe I shouldn't be. Maybe a third party can say. Okay, so we don't have alcohol in the house anymore, we sold our beer meister and he sold his bar outta the basement. He hasn't touched a beer in over a month, and he asked that I don't bring beer in the house either. I said, thats fine. I think it's better that way. So we go to a friends house one nite and they say do you's want a soda? I say no thanks, knowing damn well theres gonna be a case of Miller Lite in their fridge, but they were afraid to offer cuzza the circumstances. So I say, to my husband, do you care if I have a beer, and he says No, so they get me one. No biggie. Then at his meeting his counselor says were you around alcohol this wekend and he tells her the story. SHE says, why couldn't your wife just have a soda? He says cuz she can just have a soda at home, and she craves beer (I do) so she had one there. The counselor says, didn't she feel stupid drinking a beer when no one else was. He's like No. She's like, it sounds like your WIFE has a problem. WTF???? Welllll.....you've gotta see it from the counselor's perspective. She is trying to help your husband with his addiction, and even though he said he didn't care that you had that beer, he obviously did. If you want to work it out with him (and you already know my feelings about that), then you are going to have to support him in his abstinence. All it takes is one drink when you have a problem with alcohol, although I have heard that moderation is more effective than total abstinence. (I'm not a doctor though) true and since he is so new in his recovery process any little thing could be a setback. what substance abuse counselors tell the addicts is to change their lives, surroundings, everything, find new ways to have fun that don't revolve around drugs and alcohol, so yes it's difficult for him to hear all that stuff and then go someplace with you and you are allowed to drink because you are not in recovery. It may become a source of resentment later or an excuse for failure. I don't know what your relationship is like, but you may want to go to relationship counseling in addition to his substance abuse counseling ( AA Meetings etc) you may also want to get to literature from Alanon, just to help you keep your identity during his recovery.
sorry to ramble so, hope it helps. 
We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color. Maya Angelou | |
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StepfordWive said: Stymie said: Everyone does what? Drink four nights a week?
Not EVERYONE. But most people, that I know, anyways.....do, or have at one point in their life. I've never been one to drink that often, and I don't think any of my friends do either.  oh noes, prince is gonna soo me!!1! | |
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HereToRockYourWorld said: StepfordWive said: Not EVERYONE. But most people, that I know, anyways.....do, or have at one point in their life. I've never been one to drink that often, and I don't think any of my friends do either. Yeah. I'm thinkin' location may play a part in it.
 | |
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StepfordWive said: I was watching the Real World last nite, did yous see it?
Well anyways, I was extrememly irritated, when they made this poor sweet girl, who likes to party a lot, oout to be an alcoholic. Okay, she had a pretty high tolerance, and does shots every nite. I'm thinking that doesn't make you an alcoholic. EVERYONE, well, mostly everyone, goes through a phase in their lives, wether its in college, high school, when you turn 21, whatever, where ya go out and get hammered EVERY SINGLE NITE. THAT does not mean your an alcoholic, rite? Jeez. I hate it when they do that! she will have been being normal! I drink every night probably.
And I go on benders about once a week at school. | |
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CarrieMpls said: JustErin said: When it interferes with your life in any negative way, it's a problem.
that's the key! absolutely. In college or whenever it doesn't really interfere with your life. It is your life, and you're too young for it to have become a regular pattern. Then, hopefully, you move on. But it depends on the person. Some people drink every night, but they don't become assholes, they don't get fall down drunk, they aren't driving drunk, they keep their jobs, so who cares? A couple drinks might not be great for you, but neither is fast food. It's when you regularly call in sick to work because you're hung over, or your friends can't stand your behavior anymore, or you're endangering others, or you can't have one drink without having 10, that it's really a problem IMO. My Legacy
http://prince.org/msg/8/192731 | |
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The problem with drinking & drugs is that once they're a problem, it seems like there's no going back. You have to quit, period.
Most people can't just take it back a step (at least not for long). My Legacy
http://prince.org/msg/8/192731 | |
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It's perplexing to me how people, by choice, would allow a substance which they claim to not need, to, in any way, so greatly interfere with their lives and relationships or to negatively encroach upon the lives of those they love.
If alcohol truly is not integral to one's daily existence - or if alcohol is at least of lesser importance than, say, one's family, career, schooling, or health - why not choose to stay away from alcohol entirely for the sake of the greater good? Why not say "Wow, my drinking is causing a lot of pain to my family, or is negatively impacting my career and health and so, because I value those other things more so than I do drinking and because I am capable of quitting drinking whenever I so choose, I will choose to not drink so as to improve the overall quality of my life and the lives of that around me whom my drinking is affecting."? The above thoughts, of course, do not apply to those battling legitimate dependancy issues, as obviously such individuals cannot merely stop their behaviour so easily or cleanly. [I should qualify my remarks also by stating they are from one who firsthandedly lived through years of familial hell while witnessing the slow withering away, and ultimate demise, of a marriage and family unit due to a family member's choice to continue drinking despite the numerous negative ramifications of doing so. Had the choice been made to put marriage and family before the "fun" of being able to imbibe, life would likely been significantly ameliorated.] Best wishes to you with your own situation. I hope things work out the best for all concerned. | |
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WillyWonka said: It's perplexing to me how people, by choice, would allow a substance which they claim to not need, to, in any way, so greatly interfere with their lives and relationships or to negatively encroach upon the lives of those they love.
If alcohol truly is not integral to one's daily existence - or if alcohol is at least of lesser importance than, say, one's family, career, schooling, or health - why not choose to stay away from alcohol entirely for the sake of the greater good? Why not say "Wow, my drinking is causing a lot of pain to my family, or is negatively impacting my career and health and so, because I value those other things more so than I do drinking and because I am capable of quitting drinking whenever I so choose, I will choose to not drink so as to improve the overall quality of my life and the lives of that around me whom my drinking is affecting."? The above thoughts, of course, do not apply to those battling legitimate dependancy issues, as obviously such individuals cannot merely stop their behaviour so easily or cleanly. [I should qualify my remarks also by stating they are from one who firsthandedly lived through years of familial hell while witnessing the slow withering away, and ultimate demise, of a marriage and family unit due to a family member's choice to continue drinking despite the numerous negative ramifications of doing so. Had the choice been made to put marriage and family before the "fun" of being able to imbibe, life would likely been significantly ameliorated.] Best wishes to you with your own situation. I hope things work out the best for all concerned. That's a great point. If someone says they can stop anytime, and their family/ friends want them to stop, why not stop? But I think we know the answer. My Legacy
http://prince.org/msg/8/192731 | |
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NDRU said: CarrieMpls said:
that's the key! absolutely. In college or whenever it doesn't really interfere with your life. It is your life, and you're too young for it to have become a regular pattern. Then, hopefully, you move on. But it depends on the person. Some people drink every night, but they don't become assholes, they don't get fall down drunk, they aren't driving drunk, they keep their jobs, so who cares? A couple drinks might not be great for you, but neither is fast food. It's when you regularly call in sick to work because you're hung over, or your friends can't stand your behavior anymore, or you're endangering others, or you can't have one drink without having 10, that it's really a problem IMO. Sometimes the problem can manifest itself in more insidious ways which lessens the quality of life or take away happiness. i.e. One goes somewhere, such as to a party, a gathering, or a public place, and discovers there is no alcohol available. So instead of having a good time regardless of not being able to have a drink, one pouts and fumes and ruins one's own potential good time and the time of those around them, merely because alcohol cannot be part of the equation. The moment it becomes obvious that one cannot have a good time without the benefit of alcohol it is then, in my opinion, one has a problem which needs immediate addressing. | |
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WillyWonka said: NDRU said: absolutely. In college or whenever it doesn't really interfere with your life. It is your life, and you're too young for it to have become a regular pattern. Then, hopefully, you move on. But it depends on the person. Some people drink every night, but they don't become assholes, they don't get fall down drunk, they aren't driving drunk, they keep their jobs, so who cares? A couple drinks might not be great for you, but neither is fast food. It's when you regularly call in sick to work because you're hung over, or your friends can't stand your behavior anymore, or you're endangering others, or you can't have one drink without having 10, that it's really a problem IMO. Sometimes the problem can manifest itself in more insidious ways which lessens the quality of life or take away happiness. i.e. One goes somewhere, such as to a party, a gathering, or a public place, and discovers there is no alcohol available. So instead of having a good time regardless of not being able to have a drink, one pouts and fumes and ruins one's own potential good time and the time of those around them, merely because alcohol cannot be part of the equation. The moment it becomes obvious that one cannot have a good time without the benefit of alcohol it is then, in my opinion, one has a problem which needs immediate addressing. but what about candy, Mr. Wonka?  My Legacy
http://prince.org/msg/8/192731 | |
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WillyWonka said: NDRU said: absolutely. In college or whenever it doesn't really interfere with your life. It is your life, and you're too young for it to have become a regular pattern. Then, hopefully, you move on. But it depends on the person. Some people drink every night, but they don't become assholes, they don't get fall down drunk, they aren't driving drunk, they keep their jobs, so who cares? A couple drinks might not be great for you, but neither is fast food. It's when you regularly call in sick to work because you're hung over, or your friends can't stand your behavior anymore, or you're endangering others, or you can't have one drink without having 10, that it's really a problem IMO. Sometimes the problem can manifest itself in more insidious ways which lessens the quality of life or take away happiness. i.e. One goes somewhere, such as to a party, a gathering, or a public place, and discovers there is no alcohol available. So instead of having a good time regardless of not being able to have a drink, one pouts and fumes and ruins one's own potential good time and the time of those around them, merely because alcohol cannot be part of the equation. The moment it becomes obvious that one cannot have a good time without the benefit of alcohol it is then, in my opinion, one has a problem which needs immediate addressing. Yes. That is annoying. Especially for me, cuz I'm the type of person that can have fun in any situation, and when people are pouty and cranky it really irritates me. You guys are making some great points btw. | |
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NDRU said: WillyWonka said: Sometimes the problem can manifest itself in more insidious ways which lessens the quality of life or take away happiness. i.e. One goes somewhere, such as to a party, a gathering, or a public place, and discovers there is no alcohol available. So instead of having a good time regardless of not being able to have a drink, one pouts and fumes and ruins one's own potential good time and the time of those around them, merely because alcohol cannot be part of the equation. The moment it becomes obvious that one cannot have a good time without the benefit of alcohol it is then, in my opinion, one has a problem which needs immediate addressing. but what about candy, Mr. Wonka?
Oh now there's an entirely other thread in itself, sir!  | |
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WillyWonka said: NDRU said: absolutely. In college or whenever it doesn't really interfere with your life. It is your life, and you're too young for it to have become a regular pattern. Then, hopefully, you move on. But it depends on the person. Some people drink every night, but they don't become assholes, they don't get fall down drunk, they aren't driving drunk, they keep their jobs, so who cares? A couple drinks might not be great for you, but neither is fast food. It's when you regularly call in sick to work because you're hung over, or your friends can't stand your behavior anymore, or you're endangering others, or you can't have one drink without having 10, that it's really a problem IMO. Sometimes the problem can manifest itself in more insidious ways which lessens the quality of life or take away happiness. i.e. One goes somewhere, such as to a party, a gathering, or a public place, and discovers there is no alcohol available. So instead of having a good time regardless of not being able to have a drink, one pouts and fumes and ruins one's own potential good time and the time of those around them, merely because alcohol cannot be part of the equation. The moment it becomes obvious that one cannot have a good time without the benefit of alcohol it is then, in my opinion, one has a problem which needs immediate addressing. Agreed. People who refuse to make plans that don't involve alcohol annoy and worry me. oh noes, prince is gonna soo me!!1! | |
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