Post some funny jokes!

ur mother so ugly..I died

Sorry I have no jokes

3 men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint
Peter at the pearly
gates.
"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said,
"you must each
possess
something that symbolizes Christmas to get into
heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled
out a lighter.
He
flicked it on.
It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter
said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out
a set of keys.
He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly
gates.

The third man started searching desperately through
his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and
asked, "And
just
what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."

And So The Holiday Season Begins....

That's pretty funny. Thanks for the laugh!

heyduckie said:

Ace and the ex-military guys might get this one

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids."
"Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates."
A few moments later a second man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers."
"Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise."
A few moments later a third man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a Military Policeman, Sir."
"Excellent my son, I've gotta take a piss, watch the gate will ya?"