(inspired by evenstar's post in the lust and love thread)

I had this housemate I knew in the biblical sense, and I knew he was moving away in the next month, so I said to myself I won't fall in love with him cause it's not really convenient. (He asked me to move with him, but I really didn't know him well enough.)

Anyway, on the last day I realised that I was so in denial, but I kept my feelings to myself and never told him. 12 years later I still dream about him. I cried my eyes out for about a day and then got back on my horse.

Did you ever manage it? How? Or is it really impossible?

Please--it's perfectly alright for you to fall for me. No need for this rigamarole.

You can't tell yourself not to be in love any more than you can tell yourself to be in love with someone when you're not. You can only decide what your actions will be.

I've been able to do it a few times, but not often.

It requires a bit of meditation on my part about why it wasn't right for me. What the heart longs for sometimes, isn't always what is best for you or the other person.

Most of the time it's becuase the other person just wasn't right for me, or that I knew I wouldn't be treated with the love and respect I needed in retunr--love hurts when only one's in love. So I would force myself to break away.

I've never broken down and asked or begged for them to stay with me. I figure it only adds to and complicates the situation.



Also, I'm a man, so I think (in general) it only takes us about a month to move on.

I think some people can do it. They sort of stop themselves in the middle of the process and rein in their feelings somehow. I've never figured out how to do it though.

retina said:

I don't understand how anyone could at all. I think I fall in love fast, but it takes me forever to admit it to myself. And by the it's too late.

CarrieMpls said:

I find falling for someone else is the quickest way to forget about the previous person.

But it's kind of like paying one credit card off with another one. You still end up in debt.

retina said:

it really helps if you DON'T tell the other person how you feel about them. Like I know this guy told me when he looked at me he got butterflies and I was thinking "oh SHIT!!!!!" cause I felt the same, but he really wasn't right for me, so I told him I didn't feel the same way, which was a complete lie, but I think it helped.

i thought live4lust answered it pretty well on the other thread

it's a completely futile exercise...at least for me, anyway. maybe that'll change as i get older/more mature, but i don't know.

life is fucking confusing.

AsianBomb777 said:

that is what my mum always told me - nothing like a new love to get over an old one, I don't really think I have suffered from not having a break between "loves" though

evenstar3 said:

Exactly. At your age you shouldn't be thinking about falling out of love or trying to control your feelings.


You should be experimenting sexually with your roomates and getting it on film.

AsianBomb777 said:

I agree, I think it makes you feel better in the short term, but in all honesty it takes me years to get over love, even if I'm dating someone new. I guess I fall in love fast, but not easily.

AsianBomb777 said:

You mean deliberately falling in love? Do you think thats possible?

Nope. Never.

ZombieKitten said:

So by denying it was there, both to yourself and him, you actually made it go away?

LleeLlee said:

no.

But allowing yourself to hangout with people and being social or finding things to do with others, can often cause you to migrate towards someone, and one thing leads to another.

It only takes chemistry and an initial connection. When you're in love, you're generally not open to this, but it *Can* and does happen. I find when I'm madly in love with someone, everyone else is not interesting. That's becuase I've kind of closed the channels for reception.

CarrieMpls said:

Girl, you must write some morbid poetry.

retina said:

yes, I think I nearly succeeded! Instead of months of moping around heartbroken, the recovery time was pretty short. I met someone new very shortly after, so maybe that was what made it go away completely?

I don't regret it - I had no future with this person.

AsianBomb777 said:

I did when I was younger.

AsianBomb777 said:

yeah. i just wish there was some super easy way to control it, like a magic switch or something. inconvenient time to be thinking about a certain person? POOF! all gone!

oooh, college experimentation, how cliche.

ZombieKitten said:

I doubt it. If I did that, I would just be sweeping it under the rug. But who knows, maybe the new love crushed the old one. Or maybe you just have a really big rug.

ZombieKitten said:

You mean like with Joanie and Cochi?

2the9s said:

AsianBomb777 said:

I agree, youre putting yourself out there. In a way because youre doing that it means you're ready for it, looking even and that contributes to it happening. If you dont do that then it can still happen of course but its less likely, I think there is an element of being emotionally receptive or not, which you make a conscious choice about. That doesn't mean it will happen, just because youre ready to, but it does mean that the chances are of it happening are greater imo.

retina said:

or maybe I didn't really have very strong feelings for him in the first place? It all happened in a very short time.

so when you sweep it under the rug, do you mean that later on, when you are lonely, you think about that person and feel regret and longing?

yeah. i've been infatuated with people before, but i knew that the situation would be really uneven if i took the risk of letting myself indulge in those feelings any more than just enjoying a crush on someone i find dreamy. other times, when i've felt signals coming back at me, i run 'em over like a mack truck.

Anx said:

2the9s said:

AsianBomb777 said:

frylock!

AsianBomb777 said:

I still think of Byron everytime I see Frylock.