have you ever succeeding in telling yourself not to fall in love?




even reading that over again ... the thought seems so very unnatural ( for me )

No I haven't ... I would not try to

Mach said:

but what about people who are in happy marriages, and find themselves smitten over some co-worker or neighbor or other acquaintance? what if a closeness evolves on a non-physical level where the door could be opened to something more? that's a good situation for denying one's feelings, isn't it?

Anx said:

Yes that is a very good situation for some to deny their "feelings"

I don't feel you have to deny the feeling at all ( i wouldnt ) and then if one chooses to let it develope into a closeness that could open other doors ...it would be their choice ot not to act on it or not ... I would not act on my feelings that may cross that line. though , like i said i would not deny myself the feelings

I can't read the whole thread, but the short answer is:

No. And I have tried many times! It's just something you can't deny, IMO.

Mach said:

yeah, but if you acknowledge those feelings, what does it do for the feelings you have for your spouse? how do you include them in this part of your life, where all these intense feelings are blooming? isn't it better just to ignore the feelings for the other person and hope it's just a passing fascination?

and really, i'm just being a pain in the ass here. i agree with you more than i disagree in this instance. but it is a tricky situation.

Anx said:

It is very tricky and it depends deeply on the understanding between the married people and their levels of comfort and honesty about human nature and love

you could just be honest with your partner and explain what you are experiencing and it could turn out that it only flues your marraige in positive ways ( not common i know but it IS possible ) ignoring the feelings would hold the energy longer and the passing would take much longer i feel ...

being in a solid marriage with a secure partner that you both feel confident to be able to share life and all the experiences, including love ... I cant see myself denying my feelings nor hiding them from my partner ! I do see the experience as something that, if treated with respect and honesty...could only better the exsisting relationship

that's just me ( us ) ... we're not quite the norm though on "marriages"

Mach said:

i think that's healthy. and i don't think it's the 'norm', unfortunately. it's taboo to consider that you may be attracted to other people after you commit to a relationship. and without turning this into a whole new thread on open relationships or whatnot, i think it's important to balance an acknowledgement of human nature with all the work that it takes to protect the integrity of one's chosen relationship. if that makes sense.

Anx said:

makes complete sense to me

maybe not "fall in love" but I've talked myself out of really liking a couple of guys, yes... it's a self preservation thing, in my case anyway

I've found it to be a waste of time. You can't control who you fall in love with. Well, I can't.

Anx said:

If you are interested in other people while married then you should not have got married in the first place because the one you are married to is the not the one for you.

CarrieMpls said:

Nerd guys attract nerd girls.

Spats said:

you are so cute hunny

Spats said:

you're why i believe in iso tanks

Anx said:

You're why I'm googling "iso tanks".

Spats said:

Spats said:

TMPletz said:

It's so not true.

I'm totally not into Wizards and Lizards In Space but it seems every guy I have dated is.

susannah said:

Do you really think that "love" is some kind of magic that falls on us, over which we have no control?

Anx said:

Do you think "open" relationships can work?


Not only does it make sense, I think you've just made the entire relationship-advice industry redundant with one sentence.

Spats said:

It's perfectly natural 2 still have attractions 2 other people once you're married. After all, you're not dead. Whether or not permission can b granted from your spouse 2 act on said attraction is, as Anx pointed out, a WHOLE nuther thread.

Ace said:

You guys should hook up.

Ace said:

Maybe not 'no' control, but I'd say little control. Can you control your emotions all of the time? I don't mean your behavior, but how you actually feel about something? Can you control what you're attracted to? Cause I think it all runs similar.
If I'm upset about something, I can't just decide to be happy and be happy. I have to let the pissed off feeling run its course, and sure I can pull myself out of it, but it doesn't change that I was upset to begin with.

I don't think you can prevent falling in love, but you can prevent becoming too involved with someone. For me attraction or love is one thing, and the sheer amount of time spent with someone is another thing. If I don't spend as much time with someone, they won't be as big a part of my life. There have been times where I told myself to back off because spending more time with this someone wouldn't lead anywhere good.

Once I've fallen in love with them, however, they're always going to be there. It's like you say, it could be years later, and one sleepless night you revisit those feelings in your mind and it feels as fresh as when it happened.

live4lust said:

I actually have my eye on a certain guy with "live" and "lust" in his username.

Ace said:

1. yes, as a matter of fact i do. i also think they're more work than a 'closed' relationship, if both people are really interested in making it work right. i don't think it's a 'get out of boring predictable relationships free' card - i think it's just a different approach to a dynamic that nobody really has the ultimate recipe for.

2. pffft. we'll see if i remember to say this kind of shit the next time i'm dating someone and all goo goo gaa gaa about going steady. for all i know when i'm in stupid-cupid mode, i might as well change my name to harpo and open a jukejoint.

Ace said:

So much for your self-imposed celibacy, my ass.

Anx said:

CarrieMpls said:

Yes. It's all in how you frame it.


Physically? No.


Ya think?


We cannot control others' actions, but we can control our own reactions, wouldn't ya say?

Ace said:

i dunno about that.

could you control your reaction if someone approached you with a large suitcase filled with money and said "this is due you"?

okay, maybe you could.

what if you walked into your apartment tonight and, heaven forbid, it was the site of some hideous grisly crime scene?

these are extreme examples, sure. but oftentimes emotion slaps us upside the head before we can rationalize what's going on. it's just part of the whole human nature showcase. wouldn't you say that's true?