...and she has no idea? It's been 5 years. Has boyfriend. No clue how I feel. Do I go cold turkey, do I tell her, do I continue to lie and pretend it's not there?

Oh I feel so sad for you

It's awful to be in love with someone who doesn't know. I have no advice for you, I'm sorry. I think that if you tell her you could risk your friendship (and her happiness with her boyfriend). She may not want to get involved with you, even if she splits with her boyfriend in case the romance goes wrong and she loses you as a friend. If you don't tell her, you will continue to think about "what might be". The easy answer would be to say forget about her but I know that's an impossible thing to do.

I really do feel for you.

if she doesn't feel the same way (if you tell her) would you still want to be friends with her?

Sorry Bro you've entered friend zone! Unless she makes the first move, you'll always be the dick in the glass case! (Break (enter name here) in case of sexual emergency!)

In my experience, you won't move on till you tell the person. Once you do, no matter the outcome, there's no more wondering 'what if?' You can either get on with the lovin' or get on with your life without her.

If you had any kind of shot w/ her (boyfriend or not) she probably would have found a way to let you know by now. Hopefully a 5 year friendship is more important than the ability to be sexually intimate w/ her - if she's really someone you want in your life as a friend just move on. She's got a boyfriend anyway - why risk the discomfort w/ her feeling weird & him possibly feeling threatened whether it's warranted or not...

BUT if you tell her, she's not interested & you don't want to know her anymore THAT IS FUCKED UP...

CalhounSq said:

I don't think that's fucked up at all. Sometimes it's too painful. If you want something you can't have and it's constantly dangled in your face, jesus, that can be impossible to live with. Some people can overcome it, but if you don't think you can, then, well, that's life.

oh man, been there and it suuuuucks..holy shit it sucks well if you decide to tell the person you risk of losing the friendship orrrrr it could turn around in your favor, ive seen strange shit happen trust me

CarrieMpls said:

I think it's very fucked up to fake a friendship for FIVE YEARS w/ someone - she didn't enter the friendship based on any hopes or conditions, as far as she knows he's her "best friend". So if he entered the friendship based on false hopes or the unannounced condition that they'd be together some day then he did so for the wrong reasons & for far too long.

I've been on the receiving end of it - if you're close to someone for five years you truly come to believe that they're a friend of yours. If it all comes down to "let's fuck or I'm gone" (b/c let's face it if you're "best friends" you already have a certain intimacy, it's just not sexual) that, to me, is fucked up. I'm still getting over my fake 5 year "friendship" - dude had no shot but he still hung around hoping, & here I am thinking I've got a friend in him

And I understand that it's painful but at some point you have to decide if you want this person in your life or not, regardless of the relationship ever reaching that level. If the answer is no it's best to state your feelings & see what's up WAY before 5 years go by - that's some shit you determine in MONTHS, not years...

CalhounSq said:

That I can agree with. 5 years and then out the door would suck, and no, he certainly wasn't being honest all these years. But now that they're gone and done, you gotta do what you gotta do. Either suck it up, get over it and never tell her, or tell her and let the chips fall where they may. And if that means leaving her alone for a while while you get over it, then that's what's gotta happen.

OMG my best friend of 12 yrs just broke up with his girlfriend of 3 yrs and told me he did it because he realized that he's in love with me

I had no idea about this and its a little weird now. He even asked me to be with him. He doesnt want anybody else. I can not do that! I dont look at him like that at all!

Im all for expressing ur feelings and not holding things in but damn..he messed up.

So I guess u should tell her..she may feel the same way..then again she may not
[Edited 12/6/06 4:59am]

CarrieMpls said:

Yea, if that's how it goes down then it just does. But he needs to decide & either spill it or get over it

DanceWme said:

I hope your friendship survives it, that's hard

CalhounSq said:

i know..Thank u!

Don't tell her/him. Just leave things the way they are.

badujunkie said:

will you be able to remain friends with her if she doesn't feel the same way? can you accept being just her genuine friend if all else doesn't work out? do you think could continue to be respectful of any romantic relationship she may have in her life? i think if you can honestly say to yourself that you can accept those things and genuinely be okay, then tell her. life is too short. just be mature enough to accept the consequences.

Gotta agree with Calhoun on this. There was a 5 year period where I was surrounded by very close female companions. At the time I can say that one was indeed my best friend (who was also an ex-gf from a few years back). I knew a lot of them liked me, or at least wanna to get some, because they told me. Homey didn't play that. One by one they dwindled off and it (still) hurt because I thought we were cool like that. Still got love for all of them and wish we could hang with our spouses and family. But they ain't having it because...well, hell if I know.

Drink heavily.

Stax said:

Mmmmmm, yeah, thats good advice actually.

Okay, I just read that your best friend is a chic.

Start dating one of her friends, and spending less time with your best friend.

If she has any feelings for you at ALL, this is when they're gonna come out.

5 years and you can't close the deal. Every Male/Female relationship has some sexual overtones. How close have you gotten to any sort of intimacy?

luv4all7 said:

Brilliant!

luv4all7 said:

If she did have any feelings for him he's risking ruining it by dating a friend of hers, not to mention being unfair to the girl he'd be fake dating - that's a goofy way to go about things imo...

Adisa said:

Give it to me - right now, in the ass OR ELSE... I'll never quote you again

CalhounSq said:

It IS goofey.

But it's either play the game and find out quick whats gonna happen.

OR he could tell the girl he's in love with her, so she can start using him to do stuff for her, and buy her stuff, and all that crap.

luv4all7 said:

Agree. Test the water. Inconspicuously.

CalhounSq said:

CalhounSq said:

He could just ask the friend to a movie,not sleep with her....course, he could do that with the one he actually cares about...Hmmmm. Seems harmless enough. Leave it open? I want to see a movie, anyone interested???

Thanks for everyone's advice...I know, it's retarded.

Listens to D'Angelo's "Feel Like Makin Love"

CalhounSq said:

I know what you're sayin Calhoun. It IS fucked up. But it's not like, at least in my case, you enter the 5 year friendship EXPECTING to get something out of it or EXPECTING to be best friends. It's like this: I was getting out of another ugly breakup, met this girl who was chill, dressed fly, had a sexy, laid back, casually hot thing going on -- she can hang like one of the guys and drink or smoke me under the table but still look feminine and cute -- so I had a "crush." Then I find out she has a boyfriend, no big deal, whatever, I was still getting some from my ex. Then once things ended for good with my ex, this chick and I had a lot in common and hung out as buddies and from there the feelings came and went in waves, but I also really valued the friendship. Then, after a few years, it was like FUCK I am in love with this chick and we're best friends. It wasn't "I'm moving in for the kill and I'm gonna fuck her by being her friend first" kind of plan. Sounds like that's more what your dude did, maybe Im wrong. But I guess you being on her end it was painful to have your best friend all of a sudden like you sexually/romantically and then betray you once you didnt feel the same. I can dig that.

One quesiton Calhoun: when you two were platonic friends and you didn't know he had a thing for you, did you EVER sleep in the same bed overnight??? Would you ever have before you knew? Does that mean SHIT?