I know I don't post here regularly, but I just feel like I need to vent about this to people who seem to usually be sensitive.

Basically, I'd dated this girl over in Japan for four months and gotten quite close to her. Then she moved to NY to start University as an International student. It was tough, but we stayed in contact and kept it going until about a month ago, when I returned home to Ontario, Canada (where I'm from).

I just saw her two weeks ago for the weekend and it was great as usual. We were supposed to spend all of her American Thanksgiving holiday together, but then the bomb dropped.

She'd been friends with this Japanese guy for a long time, and last week his friend committed suicide. She was there to comfort him, and just two nights ago, she revealed that she'd developed feelings for him recently and was "confused." Said she loved me (yeah, right, as if that's true love) but was getting closer and closer to this guy, etc.

So basically, I realized that once a girl gets confused that easily (we weren't fighting regularly or anything of that sort), it's a sign that something isn't right with the relationship. So, I ended it last night.

Now I just feel terrible. I don't date many girls. Will I find someone else ever again who's truly compatible with me? Can I ever trust a girl ever again? I feel lost now and alone.

I'm sorry to hear that. it doesn't seem like it now but you will in time find some one who you are combatible with. if she caught feelings for someone that quick (which i doubt), she's not for you anyway. just give yourself time alone to yourself before you start dating again. that way you will see things more clearly sweetie

PurpleKnight said:

Don't feel terrible. You deserve better. And it takes time...don't go looking for love...it come looking for you.

just keep meeting new people and socializing, and you'll find someone cool again!

It's for the best. All chics are the same and don't know what they want.

You should give up on women completely and live the rest of your life in misery.

Hi PK. If it's any consolation you made the right choice. It seems she's confusing her feelings of love for you with her empathy for another person. Hopefully she can quickly sort it out. If so, she'll be calling you, if not, then she isn't ready.

Will you ever love and trust again? Sure you will! Don't ever feel that you've lost something by giving of yourself. You learn through having all different kinds of experiences. Even painful ones. Give yourself time and even if you don't date much it's still nice to have some lady friends to just hang out with.


Feel better soon...

luv4all7 said:

I tryed that then the women of my dreams found me!!!!!

babynoz said:

Thanks for the kind comments. I really need them right now.


So even if she realizes her mistake, does that matter? I mean, isn't it just a horribly bad sign?

PurpleKnight said:

It depends on the type of relationship. If it's friendship and casual dating perhaps you can work with it if you're willing. If we're talking long term commitment I'd say it's a red flag. Give it time. I suspect it won't take long before you'll know which category she's in.

babynoz said:

Yeah, I was talking long-term. I agree, it's a major red flag. It'd probably be just a matter of time before she got confused again with someone else. I guess it just means we're not ideal for each other like I thought. I guess it's the sign.

PurpleKnight said:

Perhaps, yes...but it also can be very real for her to realize she only wants to be with you again. So, I'm just saying that if she does realize that, it's okay for you to be open to her if you want to.

Best wishes, PurpleKnight, in every way.

PurpleKnight said:

Hi there,

I think everyone goes through this, but keep your head up and you will be great!

I was crazy about this girl and thought that we would be together forever. But I had to go to Europe for 6 months for a student exchange program. I was there for two weeks and she sent me the dreaded "Dr. John" letter.

I was so devestated that I made the whole 6 months miserable for everyone around me. I went to Rome and insulted everyone and everything. I even said that the Colliseum was ugly! (Not a good thing to do )

Later on after coming home, I realized that I ruined a good experience that I may not ever have again.

My story for me is to not waste time in this life when you could enjoy yourself by yourself sometimes, and if you can do that then the ladies show up!

Mutts

you deserve

SpisaRibb said:

I deserve what?

Long distance relationships suck major ass. For me anyways.


Don't give up on love though.

of course you can trust a girl in the future....consider this a near miss..you had a great time together, but if her whole heart isn't yours, you can't hold on to her. you did the right thing, and as much as it hurts now....you'll feel better in the future, i promise

as a 40+ yr old --- i agree with alot of what has been said above AND can relate totally - like it was yesterday ...

i remember doin similar things ... being "crazy in love" etc ... breaking up ... feeling terrible about it .... it just makes you realize MORE what you really are striving for ... in a relationship/partner... ... and just because u "broke up " with her ... she can still be a great friend and who knows !!??

SnidelyWhiplash said:

Hey!!! Did you see the news, about the 3 hunters dying this wkend?

i did not hear ... was it up in your neck of the woods ??? and why are u trying to jack this poor dudes thread !!! you are the queen jacker !

SnidelyWhiplash said:

Yeah, maybe she'll be a good friend once I completely get over her. Until then, I told her she can email me if she has anything important to tell me. And that's about it.

The night she revealed that she had feelings for this guy, I slept from 9 PM all the way through to the early afternoon the next day.

The next day, I couldn't listen to any sad songs, and I cried in short intervals throughout the day.

Today, I still feel cold, alone, and really, really hurt, but I feel slightly better.

I guess that's a good sign?

SnidelyWhiplash said:

Ahhhh, I'm sure he doesn't mind. Yeah, it was. They were getting ready to go out for bear today, and they were staying in a cabin over the weekend, and all 3 died of Carbon Monoxide posoining. The one dudes brother found him. They were in their 20's.

luv4all7 said:

Actually, it's really annoying me. Take your little act somewhere else.

PurpleKnight said:

Sorry!

Ps, is that you in your av? Your cute! Awwww.


[Edited 11/20/06 8:16am]

luv4all7 said:

you deserve!

PurpleKnight said:

a payday