My girlfriend is off to NYC to further her career and possibly schooling. This means she will be away for at least five years. She was going to do this anyway, before we started going out. It just happened that we started going out last year and I knew this day was coming so it's not a complete surprise.
Anyhoo, she said to me that she would stay longer here if she knew that I would make a committment but she would still go at some point. she's willing to stay longer for me. But i don't want that. I really want her to kick start her career. It'll mean she is away from me.
but now i'm thinking, i need some training in my field too (which i do). if i go it'll be to NYC as well but what if she and i got married? would that make the committment stronger? well yes of course it would HAVE to. but am i just being hasty? am i jumping the gun? does that really make a relationship stronger?

Maybe I should just ask my momma.

help a fella out will ya?

Go to NYC.

Don't get married yet.

And talk to yer momma too.

no, don't get married.

Either move out there to NYC with her, or let her live out there in a long distance, bofriend/girlfriend situations.

I've been on enough Air Force TDY's (Temporary tour of duties) to see the people in the happiest of marriages cheat on their spouses back home after only 1 to 2 months of being away under vastly different situations on TDY. The Atmosphere of a different place changes all people, and the risk that you take by getting married first, no matter how much you love her, doesn't change the fact that there is that risk. And this was only for 3 to 4 month TDYs!


But seriously, don't even consider marrying just becuase you think it makes the commitment stronger. The only option I see working is you moving to NYC. If you do that, then by all means, get married. Otherwise, it's not a wise choice.

if the whole relocation thing weren't introduced, would marriage be on the radar anyway? if not, my guess would be that's your answer.

are there any practical applications to getting married and then relocating to NYC? there's nothing wrong with using the practical advantages of marriage as an inspiration to take the leap and tie the knot...i mean, if you feel secure enough with your relationship to make that commitment.

what's best for the relationship? if your careers are a big factor, think of your relationship as a partnership. how do you keep the business of your relationship running successfully? i know that sounds clinical, but i think it's important to look at the dispassionate stuff if you want to keep the relationship running clean. what are your goals, independently AND collectively?

are you mulling the marriage thing to yourself or has it been discussed between both of you??

i would think there are ways of letting each other know you are committed without getting married right away. what if you both discuss the eventuallity of getting hitched and the possiblility that if all goes well you would make the move to be with her down the road?

don't let ab's post scare you she is not in the military she is going away to school. something that you want her to succeed in doing. if you have a strong foundation then it will be hard but you will manage.

after you know a bit better what direction life is taking you both then you can make her a lucky woman and make her your wife.

or you can just follow your gut! what the hell do i know?!

emm said:

My post was not based on personal opinion but observation.
And the military doesn't produce infidelity.

luv4all7 said:

I agree. That would be the right thing to do.

Anx said:

Anx scares me sometimes because it's like he reads my mind

i'll take care of your gf. this way you wont have to worry

Reincarnate said:

if only my reading habits were so advanced!

oh great...now we're fighting

What's your age and hers???

xplnyrslf said:

i don't see why that should matter.

anyway, we had a very good talk last night and we both came to the agrrement that we want to stay together and that we are going to try and be together no matter what.

Milty said:

No.


Yes.


Yes.


No.

Milty said:

Yay! Congrats, Milty! And good luck to you. If you're both committed to making it work, it will.

Don't get married. That will solve nothing. You'll just end up adding to the high divorce rate. And don't move to another city for her. If she goes and it does not last then find someone else.

Milty said:

fine fine. That's great.

Don't get married.

Spats said:

i knew you'd say that.

I think you should go to NYC and do something for yourself too, so that its not like you're following her. Get the training you speak of. But I dont think you should get married. Moving away is a stressful experience, and you should see if your relationship can stand that test first.

Either way, I think you should go. You only live once, and you didnt say anything about being sad to leave where you are... So what if t doesnt work out, you have to take that chance

Good luck

Whatever you do (and I can't say this strongly enough) do NOT come to NYC!!

Oh, and good luck with that relationship thing...

2the9s said:

and again

Milty said:

Just being honest. Let her move. If the realtionship lasts then it's meant to be. If not then move on.

First, stop referring to yourself in third person. Only morons do that.

Second, only get married if you would have done that anyway, regardless of the situation that you're describing. Marriage should just be a confirmation of something that is already there, it doesn't add any magic of its own.

Third, don't ask your momma. Mommas are always right, bit since she's your parent you'll probably feel compelled to do the opposite of what she says.

retina said:

You people ain't right









Milty I support whatever decision you make!

Ace said:

agreed.

Spats said:

actually sometimes people have to go out of their way to make an effort for the thing to last.

i say follow your heart milty. good luck!


luck edit
[Edited 11/29/06 10:28am]

XxAxX said:

If you have to go out of your way to make it last then it's not meant to be.

AsianBomb777 said:

see? now that's friendship you can't trade. i couldn't even if i wanted to mind you. Dan would zombify me if i did trade.

come to nyc, worry about marriage later.

it's not really a marrying kind of city anyway. we're total heathens here