missmad said:

Oh, sweet, silly you. I do not know you, Miss, BUT.... the saying isn't out there for nothing.

I mean, I have been shouting that, even if marriage for gay people would exist (it does NOW here in Holland), I would never get married, quoting Joni Mitchell's My Old Man.

But then my old man dropped the question (back in the day when marriage wasn't allowed) and I came back on my words like 1, 2, 3.

What I am tring to say is that you cannot predict the course your life will take and who you will meet and what kind of impact these peeps have on you. So chill. Relax. Crazier things have happened.

And my answer is kinda hiding in my answer to MissMad's post.

I have been dropped by love just as many times as I have gotten high on it. So I have learned to take it easy.

But living on my own is lovely. Sure, it's got good sides and bad sides, but that's life, innit? Good stuff is I am free to do what I want, even though I might not always be happy what I do with that freedom.

After two major relations in my life that both were troubled, I am not going to projectile myself into another troubled one without too little thought.

mdiver said:

I don't consider playing hard to get a game though. Is it really? I think everybody has there plan on how to attract the opposite sex. That works best for me.

I have to admit i did stoop to going out of my way to play games by doing the payback deal with the babe. I should not have done that. I can be pretty immature sometimes and that was one of the times. It just happens.

Unfortunately in the dating world you have to counteract the women's game playing with your own. or else you won't get anywhere with women.

Spats said:

I'm having Doritos with my lunch today.

TMPletz said:

Spats said:

The dialectic is beginning to conflate.

heartbeatocean said:

What does that mean?

Spats said:

it means that self/other, together/apart are constructs of thought. they're binary oppositions which are ultimately unreal except in relation to eachother, serving only to bolster each other in a construct of language. Another way to put it is one can be in a state of solitude among a great crowd, or one can exist in a crowd while physically alone. One can be "single" within a marriage or one can be "married" while still single.

heartbeatocean said:

Where am i in that?

heartbeatocean said:

I do get that entirely..... The word "can" is huge in the thought process but not strickly binding...

Spats said:

oh, spats...

For whatever reason, you hold a construct, a very rigid paradigm that puts you on one side and women on the other. But it's a construct ultimately and bears no reality. You torture yourself (and everyone else) by attaching yourself to this construct, although I believe it also helps you get your bearings. Someone else on this thread put it well when she said, "you're handcuffed to the bedpost of your mind".

Basically, we can think ourselves blue when it comes to projecting decisions about getting married or being single, but the question will never fully resolve, because ultimately it is unresolvable. We are like pearls on a string linked by a common thread.

heartbeatocean said:

Please put it a little simpler.

Spats said:

She's saying that you do it to yourself.

Spats said:

I'm not sure I can. But thanks for asking.

JustErin said:

I do what to myself?

JustErin said:

Well, sort of. But we all do it. In fact, the mind can't avoid doing it, because the nature of language, communication and thought process is made up of binary constructs. Spats' mental constructs are just a little more extreme than most of ours, he puts a lot more energy into maintaining them. But we all struggle in certain areas. If these constructs become too top-heavy, or we invest ourselves too much in them it can lead to fanaticism, mental illness, drug addiction, suicide etc. That's why it's helpful to observe the dialectic for what it is -- a dialectic, a see saw, a dance.

heartbeatocean said:

Again please.

Spats said:

Before you had an idea, there were no ideas. A seed was planted. Then around that seed all sorts of things gathered...experiences, emotions, teachings, societal norms, traumas...so around the seed a complex grew and formed. The complex grew roots. This becomes self-identity and the way in which we understand the outside world. We carry these complexes around with us. We act according to them, we take them for reality, we live and die by them. Even birth and death is a complex. The body is a physical complex. None of it is real ultimately.

But I don't know if that answers your question.

heartbeatocean said:

All i said was that i wanted the babe back as my girlfriend but not forever.

Spats said:

so what is your question?

heartbeatocean said:

What were you getting from what i said?

Spats said:

Oh man! This is great stuff!

pretty fucked up if u cant live with yourself


or women who have babies cause they think at least one person will always love them
and be around them

TMPletz said:

I am still single. I get angry with people who think that I am missing out.

heartbeatocean said:

Well, what were you getting?

Spats said:

Am I supposed to answer that?