therapyisback said:

You're absolutly right, very well said...

heartbeatocean said:

Oops.

Yes, disagree.

Ace said:

I've always had those two in mind as a possible ideal as well.

PricelessHo said:

I knew since my mid-20s that I wanted to be single4life. Twenty years later and I have no regrets. I have no aggravation, no one else's bills to worry about, I get up when I want, and do whatever the f--- I wannna do. The only person I have to support is me. If I get in a jam, my family has my back. It's a great life. I don't get folks who want to get married because they're afraid of being alone when they're old. That's a poor reason, IMO.

I always make sure to tell women I date not to look at me as a potential husband and father. We can have a nice, long relationship, but marriage/living together is out of the question. Some are cool with that, some aren't.

To the ladies, stop worrying about what society/family/friends think about your lifestyle. Bottom line, DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. If people give you grief, tell them to f--- off and worry about their own useless lives.

uPtoWnNY said:

I applaud your honesty and candor.

Im pushin forty and still single, its not something I waste time worrying about, I know Im not a bad looking guy, so if something happens, cool, if not I just have to continue to do my thing alone.

Stymie said:

I've seen too many people mess up their lives trying to live for someone else, or to achieve the "American Dream"(marriage, kids, house in the 'burbs). Unfortunately, they wind up marrying the wrong person and it's downhill from there. I've had cousins who were married and divorced within two years, and I knew it was going to happen.

People need to look in the mirror and do some deep soul-searching before they make that move. Forget that Hollywood sh!t, marriage is no joke. Can you stay committed to one person, 24-7, for the rest of your life, AND raise kids? That's a lot of hard work - I knew I couldn't do it.

uPtoWnNY said:

and thats the problem, people don't think, its a really serious matter

PricelessHo said:

I feel the same.

uPtoWnNY said:

I have an Angel that says that all the time.

bjork said:

Society has done a number on women's heads. People think I have a cool & hip lifestyle. If I was a woman, they'd feel sorry for me and give me the "your biological clock is running out" sh!t. Talk about a double-standard.

I know successful women with so much going on in their lives hook up with losers just so they won't be alone. I'm like, "WTF are y'all doing?!?!" One of my dearest friends did that - she even moved the dude into HER house, had a kid with him, and eventually married him. I hope she got a prenup, because I don't trust that cat.

People have to wake the f--- up, and start living for themselves. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

I am not one that likes to live my life alone eventhough I am an only child. I admit I did get married too young and did not really understand what it meant to be married when I did it the first time. Recent situations have forced me to seriously think about what I want and need for myself and not for someone else for the first time in my life. I spent so much time not wanting to do the typical married with children thing and I was never with someone that I wanted to be the father of my children. As I get older I am thinking differently about my life. I never felt like I deserved certain things in my life but I am starting to realize that I need to do what makes me happy and stop thinking I am not worthy. There is also the element of fear that has held me back- I used to take the easy road because I was afraid of the feelings I had deep inside. Time to let go of the fear and live life I suppose.

Shanti1 said:

That's what I'm talking about - JUST DO IT, BABY!!! You only live once, so treat yourself right. And if you have go it alone, so be it.
[Edited 11/19/06 6:04am]

Shanti1 said:

Very interesting to me that you are saying these words when comtemplating being single, yet I would say the exact same thing, only I'm talking about finding a partner.

uPtoWnNY said:

You are a breath of fresh air, UptownNY.
I can respect a man who knows what he wants and is clear about it. The woman is given your truth and she decides if she wants to deal with you or not.

@)-}-----}-----

Boriqua1130 said:

I agree, there isn't anything more refreshing than a man knowing what he wants, AND making sure he makes that CLEAR from the BEGINNING. I have yet to meet a man who knows what he wants, they are all so damn confused, they don't know what the fuck they really want. They keep bouncing around giving mixed signals, then as a woman when you just flat out ask them, they don't fuckin' know. What the hell is that shit? Do you want to just date, do you want to be in a relationship, do you want a fuck buddy, do you just want to be friends??? That's when i stop calling and putting myself out there because that shit gets old, like i said before i maybe was just picking the wrong men, or keep giving my number to the wrong ones. From now on its just going to be about me, whatever happens, happens. Life is too short to be wasting my time on guys who are just fucking confusing.
[Edited 11/19/06 7:52am]

ach nothing

[Edited 11/19/06 8:19am]

muirdo said:

I caught that.

CarrieMpls said:

Boriqua1130 said:

Thanks, but I'm not doing anything special - I'm just being honest with myself. I know my personality is not right for marriage. I'm stubborn, set in my ways, a bit selfish(especially with cash , a loner and I don't want kids. It would be unfair to the woman if I got married - both of us would be frustrated and miserable. If I were to have a touch of insanity and announce my engagement, my family and closest friends would talk me out of it, because they know me.

That's not to say I can't have a long relationship - I haven't had many, but they last for years. I treated my exes right, and I'm still friends with them. But they understood at the end of the day, we go to our own places. You handle your sh!t, and I'll handle mine.

uPtoWnNY said:

Exactly, thank you!

uPtoWnNY said:

I have cousins who have done the very same thing.
That's right because as far as I know you only get the one (life).
[Edited 11/19/06 10:55am]

CarrieMpls said:

I didn't, but....

hmmmm well since I was in a fucked up marriage for 17 years, have been single for a little while now, I think the idea of being single for ever is my plan

I'm a living example of dysfunctionalism(if this is even a word ) but I was willing to take the chance and I thankfully TOOK it

I've been married for a year and a 1/2 with a newborn kid who was born last august. Its been scary becoz the last relationship I've been into nearly drove me outta this life(to be fair and without getting into much details; both of us were some young crazy and violent lunatics) so it was risky getting into a new healthy relationship after I cleaned my life.

And it was hard living day-to-day with a "functional" individual at first, coz honestly thats NOT who I am but I try to tune my flamboyant temper down for the sake of making this relationship work, coz god knows he's patient enough to put up with my bullshit(but I won't 4get myself: he TOO got some bullshit I have to put up with every now and then) but this is whats beautiful about a relationship, understanding each other.

To answer this thread ?uestion: 2 years ago I was on my "men ain't shit" bandwagon, I would've co-signed this thread like crazy.

But child, its haaaaard enough living this life alone(thats right, I'll claim this poor excuse) after all, I'm only my folks' kid, I saw this powerful man who I consider my father fall down into a weak state of mind once only to be lifted by this women who I consider my mother(which I thought for a long time to be a VERY timid woman, only to find out that I was dead wrong).

Thats a simple example. Now if my pops can have that, I want to have it too, as naive as you may think this to be.

Some folks are happy to be single, some are not,,I happen to fall into the latter category. Call it dependency, insecurity, weakness or whateva term you think of, I'm not ashamed of what I feel.

And hey,,,dysfunctional people got to live too

Hope my post doesn't sound sappy.

Harlepolis said:

Do whatever works for you. Your happiness is all that matters.

PricelessHo said:

Exactly. A guy can trust his family more than he can a girlfriend or wife.