NAnomaly said:

Exactly. You don't want anyone that clings to you. That needs to know where you are all the time and wants you home by a certain time and who wants you to do everything together. You need someone who will give you space whenever you want it.

Spats said:

That could be just about anyone...

2the9s said:

Some of my buddies don't have women like that. Or the guys that get mothered my their women. Not everyone will give you space.

Spats said:

So you have more space than your buddies?

2the9s said:

Yes. I can do whatever i want, whenever i want, for as long as i want. They can't. I feel sorry for them sometimes.

Spats said:

Cool, playa.

2the9s said:

2the9s said:

Nope, not true it can't be just about anyone because a lot of men and women believe that if they're a couple they're suppose to spend all or the majority of their time together and if they are apart even for a short period of time it’s a problem and some don't know what to do with themselves because everything is about or wrapped up in that person, a lot of people don't understand the concept of I need my own space, or I need something I can call my own period. I know people who are like that and/or are in relationships like that both men and women.

NAnomaly said:

And it's usually the women who are like that more than men.

Even though Im still young 21, i am never having children and never getting married! EVER!

NAnomaly said:

That's not a relationship, that's co-dependency. Why would someone want someone in their face 24 hours a day?

Stymie said:

I lost my best friend to that.

I will always throw my hat in the proverbial ring.... being single is fine until bedtime...

pardonme4livin said:

Too true!

Spats said:

damn right thats true. i even had guys to give me attitudes when i didn't call them by a certain time period of the day...it's rediculous and a major turn off.

Unfortunately, when i look at almost all the married people around me it's always like that; when someone wants their space it's always an eyebrow rasing issue: is he/she cheating? did i do something wrong? is there something about me, etc etc and it oftens ends up in the wall, a 1-2 week alienation ending with a fight
[Edited 11/18/06 11:00am]

I'm in a relationship, but I'll never get married. Marriage would give me claustrophobia.

susannah said:

my brother

"When a man starts to feel married, he should get divorced." --- Mick Jagger

PricelessHo said:

Jeez, I could never be that damn insecure. If I gotta worry that someone is off cheating on me when he's not near, I'm better off alone.

Stymie said:

insecurity, perhaps.

susannah said:

I've lost friends to that too both male and female, at some point all of my friends and people I hang out with have done that at one time or another and its part of the reason why I have no problem doing things on my own and being by myself. I think there can be an equal balance of time spent with both that way you're able to miss the person and you have more things to share and talk about so the relationship doesn't become boring and routine after a time is the way I see it.

I said it before and I'll say it again I'm glad to know I'm not the only one with this point of view because my family and most friends have marked me as the odd man out because I believe it's possible to have a relationship that's not COMPLETELY dysfunctional and I'm at least 80% happy in and not just dealing or what is it playing along to get along.

susannah said:

i think i may be losing some friends to that, too.

i do believe that when you're in a serious relationship or a marriage, you have to act as a team but that doesn't mean that you can't do your own thing, too.

if i ever do get married, i would still like to have a section of my life that is just mine and that i can enjoy by myself and i would like it if my spouse had the same. I'm already my own person, I don't need another to become whole, but sometimes I wonder if maybe that's just counterproductive to being in a relationship.

I don't know. Perhaps I will remain single for the rest of my days, too. there's definitely something about relationships that I do not "get".

Sex is different when one is single.
I'm not saying it's better or worse, just different.

So I dunno.

I have.

Stymie said:

Societal view has changed dysfunctional is the norm it’s now accepted and normal has become strange and unattainable, to have it is viewed as a pipe dream, you’re being picky, I’d rather be single then be in something I’m not happy in.

A lot of people say that when they have kids one day they're going to give them everything they were deprived from as kids (esp. emotionally), but it all ends up evaporating 'cause you can't control how your kid turns out to be and that's where you get hit by the reality bus and feel stuck

i don't want to be there either

JasmineFire said:

I wonder that sometimes to but I keep coming back to it's two people coming together to make one couple yes but your still two individual people and I would like to think something about their individuality is what attracted you to them and them to you in the first place so you would want them to keep that. I've accepted that I'll probably be single and you're not alone there is a few things I don't get about relationships either

JustErin said:

I think you mean disagree, right?

NAnomaly said:

I've had problems like this before. Been in r.ships, been highly anxious about spending time apart. My reason, is that at some points in the past, I have had unworked out issues around intimate attachment with other people. Goes back to my childhood where i was abandoned by my parents (still lived with them, but was abandoned within the family house...long story...). I was choosing people to be involved with at the time who weren't right for me in hindsight, ones that would help repeat this pattern, this dynamic that i was used to. Over the years, I learnt that when in r.ships, i could depend on myself more and enjoy the relationship with me, spending time on my own as well as other people, so when involved in a relationship, i could rationalise that anxious feeling and not be overwhelmed by it.

Nowadays, i still subconsciously choose the wrong fucking people, but what provokes that feeling, is always a REAL pulling away from the other person, not an anticipation of them pulling away. I have a lot to offer relationships and I want intimate ones of a boyfriend and friend variety. I feel that what i can offer is healthy and mature, but i am still choosing people where i was a few years back.

Next step is to learn to choose the right people who want what i want. Isn't that what it comes down to anyways? It's no good wanting a deep and meaningful as well as fun relationship with someone who only wants the fun bit - and neither party are wrong for what they want - it's just they want different things.