Like do they EVER really change?

Like say after losing something thats really important to you and then going through months of counseling for a problem, will that help?

Or once your thrown rite back into the stressful situation that made you act a certain way, do you go rite back to being your old self again?

Yeah.


Women more so than men though.

Most people who change are brave. That is not to say fearless. But those willing to deal with fear.

Yes.

AB used to be straight.

2the9s said:

How ya like my sig

I've seen people make changes for the positive in their life so I know that it's possible.

But it is a lifelong process that require lots of hard work and the ability to be able to be somewhat objective and brutally honest about your own actions and behaviors. The desire has to be there before any true change can be made.

AsianBomb777 said:

Frankly, it's too busy.

JasmineFire said:

So it takes a LIFETIME?????

So just cuz someone says they changed, they can still slip up?

luv4all7 said:

absolutely.


[Edited 11/9/06 8:21am]

JasmineFire said:

Anything is possible

With counseling and understanding & a little growing up...yes


If a person is hard headed and they think everything they do is right...a change wont happen

luv4all7 said:

always..but, if the person truly wants to change, they usually realize that they've slipped up and take whatever actions are necessary to get them back on track. Making changes in behavior and, to a certain extent, personality is incredibly difficult. From what I've seen, it's always worth it and always rewarded in the long run.

i think people only change when they truly WANT to change - not particularly when they feel they HAVE to change.

But I think when people say they want other people to change they are doing so because they have an idea of how that person should be.

How can you say that the "way a person is" is such a fixed thing?

They may be operating according to standards or a self-image that an observer may not be fuly aware of.

How can we qualitatively judge "change."

Anx said:

maybe you need to write a book about that...

2the9s said:

i think that's why people need to make changes for themselves and not others. You can want someone to change all the live long day but it's not going to do you any good.

JasmineFire said:

i'm at work! i'm also almost at 10,000 words! you're merciless.

Anx said:

good job!

JasmineFire said:

I prefer "becoming" to "change."

Although sometimes our lives are propelled by repudiation of the past, more often we progress by fits and starts, not fully aware of why we do the things we do.

So are we even the best judges of the need for or effectiveness of our own change?

Rite, so what if someone is going through the motions to change, because they HAVE to (like Anx said) but they claim that they are happy they had to cuz now they see that they were wrong.

How do you know if its genuine or not?

luv4all7 said:

the proof is in the actions, not the words.

luv4all7 said:

The desire to change may be genuine, but they may fail at it.

Should they be "blamed" for failing to enact a sincere desire to change?

2the9s said:

i'm not completely sure. I think that if I'm unhappy with the way my life is, then I need to take a look at what is going on and how I'm reacting to it, and then try and make some changes so that I'm not so unhappy.

When I find myself repeatedly getting into the same situation, then I think that maybe a bigger change needs to be made.

It never happens all at once, you're definitely right about that.

IrresistibleB1tch said:

I cannot agree with this enough. Evaluate what the DO, not what they say.

2the9s said:

no. they should be praised for even trying.

2the9s said:

Perhaps not. But that's when you decide if you're willing to continue any kind of relationship with an unchanged person or not, knowing they want to change but can't, or at least can't in the short term.

CarrieMpls said:

I see what your saying 9's, I know people aren't perfect.

Well how long do you have to wait around for people to change. I mean, it's not YOUR fault that somebody has a problem. How long should you have to put up with it?

luv4all7 said:

I wouldn't think that it would be your fault that someone else has a problem unles that person is a very small child.

Only you can decide if you want to put up with someone else's unchanged behavior.

luv4all7 said:

oh, sweetie. That's something only you can decide. How long you're willing to be supportive. If they are genuinely trying to change, etc. Depends on how much you trust and how much faith you have in the person.
I will say, if whatever needs to change in the other person is harmful to you, your children or anyone close to you, you have every right not to be patient.

I'm in a transitional "change" state now.