luv4all7 said:

As Carrie, says, as long as you're willing to. I guess that depends on the relationship and your endurance. No one should have to put up with someone who repeatdly demonstrates destructive or harmful behavior, or who says they will change but won't or can't etc. It is often the wisest thing to get out of that rut.

But if you're someone who is persistently impatient with the rate at which other people change, maybe a little soul searching is in order yourself. (I'm not talking about you, luv. I have no idea of your situation...)

AsianBomb777 said:

me, too.

AsianBomb777 said:

you should rent transamerica, you'd totally relate to it!

luv4all7 said:

Some people are constantly evolving; others aren't capable of changing one whit. Counseling only helps if the counselee embraces the process and has a real desire to change.

Anx said:

cold-blooded, writer boy...cold-blooded!

luv4all7 said:

the short answer is yes they can I was a very different person even 2 years ago to the one I am today... and you would not have recognised me 8 years ago at all

JasmineFire said:

i'm being nice! between his dainty hands and his pretty lips, imago will be able to use whatever loo she likes on the MTA!

Natisse said:

i'm going through a weird coccoon-y stage right now. i know who i am right now isn't going to be much like what's at the end of the ride, whenever that'll be. i'm enjoying it, for whatever it's worth.

Anx said:

hang in there hon. you're right it'll be worth it

luv4all7 said:

change takes time. sometimes LOTS of time.


and true, they may be taken out of a certain situation and change, but once they're back in the same situation old habits can surface.

so, answer: yes, people can change. it has happened before.

but just because someone says they've changed doesn't make it true.

Anx said:

I agree with you on this point the desire to change has to come from within brought about from one’s own introspection, to me it seems when change is brought about from any other way like they have to change or it’s done under duress it doesn’t last and they revert back but people can and do change.

NAnomaly said:

true


very true

As someone who did. Yes, they do.

People can change their behavior, but it's a choice they have to then make every day. I don't believe the person themselves changes, though, just the behavior if you're lucky.

They can always revert because it's in them already. And once the line has been crossed, it's much easier to cross it again.

Like me, I don't smoke anymore, and I don't want to, but I remember doing it, I feel the actions of smoking in my body, and sometimes I almost smoke out of the reflex of seeing a cigarette/pipe & lighter.

I don't think people who have never smoked have those reactions, and so they're less likely to smoke when they're near cigarettes.

But to trust that someone's behavior has really changed takes a lot of time (like years, not months) to be able to possibly safely trust again.

once an asshole, always an asshole.
leopards can't change their spots

purplerein said:

I don't think that's true at all.

NDRU said:

O Gawd, I do that ALLLL the time!

luv you can be supportive of one's attempt to change
i don't think it's necessarily a good thing to assume one can't change

but as others have said, change comes about when that person accepts responsibility
acknowledges the root of a problem, finds councelling helpful
and demonstrates a longterm consistent pattern of changed behaviour

its okay to be wary. desperate people will say desperate things
but in the long run if change can be made it will be better for all involved
especially the kids

I think it's important to ask, "what are they changing to?"

Are ridding themselves of some bad behavior and going back to being the good person they were in the past?

Or is a not-so-good-person taking some therapy to convince others that they're becoming a good person for the first time in their life?

I've made a very major lifestyle change recently, and reaping the rewards thus far However, you have to be extremely proactive about major changes- as it's so very easy to fall back into your old habits. As my dad once said, "It's so much easier to sit in our own shit...at least it's warm." I know that may be a little too graphic/gross for some of you (Carrie )

What it comes down to is that if someone keeps trying to change, and they fail, they need to explore different methods as the current one doesn't obviously work. You may fumble a few times, but that's okay. Geebus, it is hard to do- but when someone really commits to a change, you'll recognize it in their overall demeanor and actions. A new sense of confidence and renewal. If that's not happening, if it seems that it's a grudging change, then they aren't truly ready to change- no matter how much they verbalize it.

I think that change scares most people - because you enter unchartered territory... of yourself. It takes a lot of courage to make changes in our lives and as many have said you have to really want to do it, be ready to do it - and take responsibility for your actions - past, present and future.

We do evolve and become wo we utlimately want to be - and it's only when we don't like who that is, are we inspired to change.

dancinggyrl said:

What did you change? Why haven't I heard about this dramatic life change of yours??

2the9s said:

Yeah, why are two lines in da middle and one to the left?

Is it cuz of your gay genes?

CarrieMpls said:

I decided to quit drinking-not forever, but for a while...it was due to a pretty bad tarot card reading. It was a wake-up call- I knew it all but just needed the "push" I haven't broadcast it, just sorta did it...

TG is gonna be a challenge!

dancinggyrl said:

Nonesense. It will be a breeze!

CarrieMpls said:

It's all about attitude, right back atchya!

dancinggyrl said:

That and it really won't be about all that this year. We're older (and wiser) and we practically have to have a kids table now.

CarrieMpls said:

oh...you mean for Darin & Earache?

Without question.

Be careful though. After a traumatic situation, the natural reaction is to make a dramatic change. More times than not, we all revert back into the same assholes that we were initially.

I have changed dramatically over the past few months. Divorce, career change, mentality, relationship philosophy..... you name it, I have altered it in some way. Some of it will stick and much of it wont. Just enjoy the ride.

yikes...

yes people can change but there's also the very real chance that it's a typical tactic to get back in. it sounds as if you are hesitant to fully believe they've changed....I'd go with that gut reaction.
a couple months ain't nuttin really.