Sweeny79 said:

And her cuteness and lovingness and fierce ability to stand up for her and her own translate in hi-fi in real life

Spookymuffin said:

Ben...your mom's right girls do care more about personality than looks...but, guys do not...looks come first...personality second...and you've just seen a few decent photos of me...I'm not "hot"...but, thank you for the words

applekisses said:

your eyes and lips didn't change shape when i got to know you.... you were always an exotic beauty.

applekisses said:

i'm very attracted to personality.

Sweeny79 said:

smoke and mirrors...

Everyone who's posted here's hot. Aside, my response won't make any sense, but here it is. My features 'n things are hideous, but I don't feel large until I see pictures of myself. My heart literally explodes: "I look like THAT?!" So I'm doing something about it. Slowly but goddamned surely.

Too bad I don't look how I feel.

Spookymuffin said:

Yes, and repulsed by overweight girls...I read that once...correct?

applekisses said:

Looked like eyes and lips to me

Sweeny79 said:

seriously, it does...if i worked full-time then chances are i'd still keep it, but alas. best i can do now is hope i win the lottery or something so i can get some money for surgery.

This is an awesome question!

The reason why I say this is that between 1998 and 1999 I gained a significant amount of weight. (There are no photos from that period in my life becuase I shunned the camera). My waste size went from a 31-32 inch waste to 36-38 (at the biggest point a tight 38 inches).

Here's the thing. I had no fucking clue what I looked like in the eyes to others. In my mind, I had not gained *that* much weight (becuase I wasn't on the scale). My once baggy shirts were getting tight on me, and jeans that used to fall of of me were too tight to wear. Yet, I still had no clue that I had gained all this weight. I still had no idea what others were seeing in me. I mean NONE. My family and friends were too polite to say anything to me. It was a dark period in my life for many reasons, and the weight gain was indicative of that.

The ephiphany I had about how heavy I had gotten was when I flew up to Birmingham to visit my mother and when I walked through the terminal to the greating area, she stood there and looked at me. I walked up to her and she stood there looking at me blankly and mortified. She looked both heartbroken and mortified, standing silently, trying to hide her shock as best she could. At first I was trying to figure out if something was wrong with her--like if she was going to tell me that she had cancer or something. But after a few minutes of walking and talking with her I realized what was going on. It hit me like a brick.

I struggelled with my weight and depression up until early 2003 when I finally came down with a bad case of bronchitus(sp?). It was at that point that I finally decided I had to reverse things. I had to get back to being the old "Dan".
I remember coughing up flem and some of the nastiest shit you could imagine, unable to sleep more than a few hours without waking up in a miserable fit of coughing. I remember being so desperate for a solution to my problem that I finally looked up holistic healing solutions on the Internet.

That's when I discovered water fasting. I fasted for 5 (or was it 7?) days starting immediately, and by the 3rd day, the coughing went away and the flem dried up. By the 5th day, all symptoms where gone and I had dropped 12 pounds. I went back on food again after the first week, then started another fast (this one lasting at least 10 days), and dropped an additional 14 pounds. Note that becuase of the way your body uses keytones during a fast 93-98% of your weight loss is through fat and not muscle or water.
But the point isn't the weight loss. The point is that I had ridded myself of toxins, anxiety, and desperations. I had ridden myself of the crazzy ass whooping cough and flegm.
I finally gained some hope back. I went to Miami that year to the Ultra Music Festival, and when I was there I saw some of the most beautiful bodies I had seen in a long time.

Let me stress that I take a vastly different view of Models, and good looking people, than other folks do. They should give us inspiration to look better. The point is not to *Be* them, but to use them visual inspiration. Who when palying basket ball doesn't imagine Jordan on the court? Or when Practiciing Guitar, doesn't think about their guitar great? The point isn't that you've failed if you can't play a riff like Hendrix or Prince, but that they gave you inspiration to even try.

Anyways, I now have a realistic view of body image. If I find my waste getting to be tight in 34" jeans or clothes, I embark on lots of excercising to fix it. YOUR CLOTHES NEVER LIE. If you're shirts or pants are getting tight, it's not becuase you're using the wrong cycle on your washer and dryer--it's cuase you're getting bigger!

applekisses said:

No - you need to understand where I came from when I said that.

It's overweight people that don't do anything about it that I'm not repulsed by, but disappointed with because I took a look at myself and I saw myself for what I really was so I turned it all around. I still feel like the overweight piece of shit I was, even if I'm not - so I see myself in every lonely, overweight person out there and I hate them because I hate myself.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

AsianBomb777 said:

Dan...I'm glad you're healthier now...but, what's in bold up there is utter bullshit... sorry.

applekisses said:

Oh hush... you know it's not!

AsianBomb777 said:

Our lives are unbelievably similar. I did the very same thing.

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

Well I hope you can get some insurance soon, regardless of the surgery... it's not good to be without insurance.

Spookymuffin said:

BEN! You are not FAT! You're still growing for God's sake.

Sweeny79 said:

No, sweetie...it really is...

AsianBomb777 said:

Ummmmm, first of all. Birmingham.


But seriously, this is true in reverse too. People with eating disorders have a very distorted view of their body. They look in the mirror and do not see the bones sticking out, they see FAT. And it's very real. They just cannot see it.

And I;ve had the weight gain thing happen to me too already.

Ya gotta be careful with that. It really does just creep up on ya.

applekisses said:

applekisses said:

Nope.
I stand by my opinion.

There are always going to be beautiful folks who just look better than the rest of us. ALWAYS.

And devalueing their beauty and saying that it's what's on the inside that counts, might make the less-than-beautiful feel better about themselves, but it does so through a bit of delusion.

What's on the outside is important too. Most people have the ability to look great, or at least alot better than they do currently. Yet, we in America think we should just villafy the fashion industry and sometimes even our beauty idols for looking better than us.

I say, it's their job to look better. Tyra Banks was born to look prettier than most other women. That's her lot in life. But would anybody want her to perform surgery on them? Or defend them in court? No, that's the job of smarter and more clever people. Everyone has their place.

I strongly beleive that we should look at those who are smarter, and they should inspire us to ...oh I don't know... try and learn more.

Those who are wiser, and say, that we ourselves can strive to become wiser.

And yes--those who are prettier, and say, we ourselve can strive to look our best.



Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but there's a reason Brad Pitt gets paid to take his shirt off and Drew Carry (though handsome and "cute") doesn't.

AsianBomb777 said:

BULLSHIT.

applekisses said:

I am, motherfucker!

AsianBomb777 said:

BRAVO!!!!

applekisses said:

co-bullshit.

applekisses said:

Oh no---it's a very valid point.

I know you're entitled to your opinions, and I haven't discounted them or called them "bullshit"

Allow me the respect at least to debate this in a mature adult way, instead of discounting it as if my opinion is delusional or based on some inferior intellectual construct to yours.

I don't know what your body image struggles have been, but we each deal with it in our own ways, and come out of it (if we ever do) with different views. Mine has been what I was able to develope and get me through life a happier, healther, and better looking person.

Trying to be smarter, prettier, having a better personality... it's all the same game.

Spookymuffin said:

Excuse me? I have never insulted her.

And your mother was lying to you. Women care abuout looks just as much as men do.

applekisses said:

no... I see myself very differently from how others do, apparently

AsianBomb777 said:

Sorry, that's just the way I express myself. I come from a working-class background.
I just don't see how idolizing those who are considered to be physically perfect, when the majority of us are not, could be healthy. There's no way of ever reaching that ideal unless you resort to extremes and plastic surgery, which I think is not a good way to deal with things.