to all the orgers who posted on this thread

http://www.youtube.com/wa...Ig9wX4fLwY





...




[Edited 11/3/06 10:24am]

CarrieMpls said:

I know what you mean. I think part of the thing is that when we see photos of ourselves, our eyes go immediately to all of our flaws, whereas people who know us are looking at the things they like about how we look. When I see a picture of me, my eyes go straight to the parts of my body that I hate the most (a lot, but in summary: anything that jiggles ). Every time. When I see a picture of you, my eyes go to the things I particularly notice about you (your hair, your smile, your eyes, your clothes).

Whenever I notice that I've put on a few pounds,
I train a bit harder, eat a little healthier & until the results of those activities come in, the conditioned self-critisizing thoughts in my head can go fuck off.
Cuz in the meantime,
I'm gonna carry the extra weight like some-one who hasn't a care in the world.

Besides,
it's a good people filter. Anyone who doesn't want to be with me because of the way I look, doesn't need to be with me in the first place.

The ironic thing about people who've completely accepted themselves ( or enlightenment) is that the idea of the 'self' completely melts away.
Your focus in life is longer on your 'self',
but on life itself.
You completely experience life & all the emotions (happy or sad) that come with it with a sense of peace & without the cumbersome distractions of self-criticisms (which are usually the by-product the barrage of advertising-world's concept of how people should look).

When the thought comes to me that I don't look as good as I would like,
it's a reminder to my 'self' that
I may be heavy,
but life's too short.

Illustrator said:

I'm like a lot of the people who've posted on this thread. I'm my worst enemy when it comes to my looks and I've been this way since grade school.

I went for years and years without looking in the mirror unless it was absolutely necessary like doing hair, etc. I can look in the mirror now but don't like what I see, though I do accept myself more than I have in the past.

I feel mismatched when I look at my face - all the left-over parts were put on one face.

Someone once said years ago, casually, that you could tell crazy by someone's eyebrows. I obsess so much over them that I often times let them go because I can't stand to look at them because all I see is crazy.

The triangles in my skin, the blotches, the cellulite I've had since the age of 9, the lack of boobs, the man knees, the stubby toes, the square face, too small of mouth, blah, blah, blah.

Because of my poor self body image and lack of self-acceptance I tend to avoid cameras unless I have control over the film. My children have maybe four pictures of me in our family photo albums. There are very few people I will share images of myself with that I don't approve of and I tend to usually hide my face in some way, either with a half profile or something, never head on... eyebrow/crazy thing. I look down when in public, cover my face with my hand when speaking to someone so that they don't have to look at me, which only makes them think I'm weird, and rarely will I look anyone in the eye.

Within the past few years I've gotten better, I can look at myself in the mirror more and I no longer buy all of my clothes two sizes too big. This only happened because I did the opposite of what I would normally do and found that people weren't repulsed.

I've found that the things I notice about my looks go unseen by others, until I point them out.

Mazurack said:

Stymie said:

Thank you for the hug...

Mazurack said:

You are welcome.

I just saw so much of my former self in what you wrote.

Stymie said:

It is good to read, "former self", in your post. I hope to one day, at least a year before I kick the bucket, to be able to utter those words in regards to this topic and live a bit with that cloud removed from above my head.

Seriously, that would make me pass on with a smile on my face.

Mazurack said:

Do you think the modeling you did helped you, hon?

applekisses said:

Absolutely.

That's why I did it and is exactly what I was referring to when I said I did the opposite of what I would do and found that people weren't repulsed. The thing is, I still have control over all of the film in each shoot I did/do. I haven't worked my way up to allowing snap-shots to be taken of me randomly.

Mazurack said:

That is wonderful you're on your way!

applekisses said:

It was a start, perhaps one day I can utter the same words that Stymie did. I hope so.

I've done quite the opposite of myself in the past few years and in some aspects things have improved and in others I've found that I need to revert back to what was.

Illustrator said:

I thought this was interesting...


http://abcnews.go.com/202...184&page=1

applekisses said:

Thanks, I'm gonna watch it right now.

applekisses said:

I totally agree with that article and it reinforces much of what I said.


For example, beauty is very much an evolutionary trait. It's a survival of the fitess trait. It's proven that female lions are attracted to male lions with thick, prominent, dark manes. This is not a to-each-his-own concept of attraction--there's a universally agreed upon, biological stimulus that the lionesses know is beautiful and worthy of a mate.

Likewise, we monkeys, have our own Beauty traits. I hear alot of talk on this site about about beauty, and I strongly believe that people develope their own tastes and personal preferences. However, there is a universal undersanding of what is beautiful or ugly in all cultures. Example, 20/20 did a study once on vanity and discovered all cultures consider blemishes on the face (namely pimples) to be unattractive. All cultures generally consider men with small wastes and big shoulders to be more physically attractive, etc. etc.

I just don't feel that we should look at an Adonis or Aphroditi and vilify them. They have distinct physical advantages to us, and they are handed alot of praise for this.
We admire the finest in the breeds of other animals (horses, dogs, etc.), yet we scowl at the finest looking of us? No. We should admire them too. Just do notfall into the trap that the article speaks of where we place more value on them than ourselves. After all, there is no evolutionary advantages in society anymore to be beautiful, smart, or even physically sound--we've evolved a bit.



do / do not Freudian slip edit
[Edited 11/3/06 21:11pm]

AsianBomb777 said:

Leonard Bernstein!!!!!

I'm pretty idle when it comes to my face, and happy as well.

Now when it comes to my body, I would like it to be a bit more feminine.

On the outside, I'm ehhh.
On the inside I could stand to lose a few pounds. And some lipstick wouldn't hurt either.

Illustrator said:

nobody likes a fat liver...

AsianBomb777 said:

But, I think one of the points of the article is that other people put more value on better looking people than average looking ones. Why wouldn't we apply those same concepts to ourselves?

applekisses said:

exactly

applekisses said:

The answer is spelled out in the article. Becuase we are designed genetically to do so.

Look, I think it's awesome that society has gotten to the point that you no longer have to see, hear, or be in prime physical condition to survive. We've conquered nature in that respect. But society did not conquer biology.

I've reached a point in my life where I see those who are pysically superior to me for what they are--damned fine looking specimens. But I don't treat them any better. I don't assume they are any smarter or dumber--may just a bit more vain.

But most people won't. I remember when I was going through my "fat/depressed" years. At a time I needed human kindness the most, I found that people took longer to wait on me in resturants, that I received fewer genuine smiles at vendor counters, and that overall, people liked me less. Now that I'm out of that rut, I get treated pretty decently by people.

I never advocated good looking folks as being *better* than the rest of us. I never implied they should be treated better than the rest of us. I said, they are better looking than us and it's ok to accept and acknowledge it and use it as inspiration when we're dolling ourselves up--and that shouldn't be wrong.

Again, I'm not going to the gym to look more like Drew Carrey ya know.

AsianBomb777 said:

Leonard


Bernstein!!!!!

AsianBomb777 said:

Shit I feel like that when I eat anything unhealthy at all. I feel like everyones giving me dirty looks and talking about me. I jsut don't feel good about myself when I'm eating junk.

AsianBomb777 said:

Dan...I'm sorry you were treated that way. It's nothing but cruel.

I guess the question is...how do we consistantly put our opinion of ourselves above others opinions of us?

applekisses said:

That begs the question you originally posed. Is our opinions of ourselves, pyshically accurate? Is it ok for a fat person to just accept that they are fat? Or that "Fat" is "ok". I say, no. They should fight it, but do so with a positive attitude and not feel like creetons doing it. There is a very fine line between accepting yourself and surrendering--and I don't think people are honest enough with themselves in that regard to tread it.

Now before anyone lambastes me and says that I'm buying into the Hollywood perfect body myth--no I'm not. I look at Hollywood actresses today and just pray that somebody will feed those deathly skinny wafes.

http://www.youtube.com/wa...Ig9wX4fLwY











..
[Edited 11/4/06 14:53pm]