What do you do when your boyfriend's ex claims that they are screwing around, but he says she is lying? Do you believe her or do you believe him?


Yeah, I'm in this situation and I'm not sure what to do.

Im so sorry about that. But if I was in that situation I would put my man's word over some silly broad that probably just wants him back.

Well, last night she came to his house while I was there and demanded to speak with me.

beret1022 said:

Wow! Well what is saying or doing throughout this situation?

What do you feel is going on ?
Not what he says or she says... what is your intuition saying to you about it ?

I think you have to believe him unless he's given you cause to doubt him.

x

DanceWme said:[quote]

beret1022 said:

Wow! Well what is saying or doing throughout this situation?[/quote


He was yelling at her and telling her to get lost! He called the police.

beret1022 said:[quote]

DanceWme said:

Sweetheart just trust ur heart.

Go with your head. Not your heart.

In a way, I feel like it may be true, because they dated off and on for 10 years. But he says they were just "screw buddies" for most of that time. They have a history together. He and I have only been together for 14 months and that doesn't even compare to 10 years...

Anyway, last night she said that he has been over her house and that he is "fucking" us both. There has always been some type of drama with her...

i woulda let them talk ... outside ... or somewhere where i could listen ... that is 100% for sure !

I'd try to go with a third party...do you know anyone else besides your boyfriend or his ex who might know? She sounds crazy though...I'd be inclined to believe your boyfriend unless he gives you a reason not to.

knock her to the floor and kick her in the face.

evenstar3 said:

Well one of my best friends, who is also a good friend of hers, has recently went into 'hiding' for the last 2 months. No phone call not even on my b-day which was last Sunday and she half assed answers my emails. I get the feeling she may know something...

Tom said:

beret1022 said:

Thats very strange & rude!

Tom said:

Tom said:

Thanks, but I'm not interested in fighting anyone. I don't fight over men. I just want to know the truth.

Tom said:

just remember to do it out of love. m:

beret1022 said:

i'd say call her and ask her directly...that's what i'd do...unless she'd lie you about it for any reason.

Well without knowing you or him...it's hard to know for sure, but some things I would ask:
--did he cheat on the ex while they were together?
--has he ever cheated on you (with her or someone else)?
--is he honest with you about other things, or do you catch him in lies?
--why is the ex still in the picture (e.g. why is he still talking/hanging out with her)?

You know your boyfriend better than any of us; trust your insticts but also look at his past behaviour.

Good luck!

first and foremost, what's the ex's stake in telling you this, whether it's true or not? that's what i'd pursue first. when that's put to bed, then i would pursue the truth with your partner. sounds like the ex is a little and that could be a problem on a lot of levels.

to hell with all the drama. take a step back from the relationship for awhile to see where his head is at.

DevotedPuppy said:

Co-sign.

To the extent I'd have a 14-month relationship with someone, I'd probably also have found reason in their character to trust them with the benefit of the doubt. But insofar as this chick's presence and claims raise any serious concerns for you, you might want to explore why.

At any rate, no one needs the drama. It may be necessary to tell him to settle his business and get back to you when he does. (And let him know he's worth the wait... if, in fact, he is.) I don't see much unfair about that.

well, I'm suspicious because 3 months after we started dating, I found out he was still communicating with her by phone. I looked through his cell phone and her number was there more than once. We had a big falling out and he promised me he would end all communication with her. I thought that was the end of it, until she showed up at his door last night making these damn accusations.

beret1022 said:

well there you go. i dont think you should've went through his cell phone-its not necessary, you were already suspicious , but by feeling that you had to do that answers your questions. i'm sure you know what decision you have to make for your own sanity.

brownsugar said:

I agree with Brownsugar, if you were that suspicious of him to go through his cell phone then pretty much you don't trust him. And without trust you will be very miserable in this relationship with him. How can you live with doubting his words and then wondering if he is lying to you or not? It's no way to live. Obviously if you have already been through his cell phone or if he has been dishonest to you in the past then he has given you reason to doubt him. Sounds like you either need space from him or let him go. I'd go with the latter, but go by your instincts first and foremost, they never fail you. You only fail yourself when you don't listen to them. Good Luck sweetie!!

beret1022 said:

If I were Dex, I'd say "WHAP!"

With this, little sis, there's not much else you need to say. You KNOW what you need to do -- you're just fighting it.

Send boyfriend on his way to figure out who/what he wants and whether he has the capacity to honor it. And DON'T take him back until you can TRUST him without thinking twice. You deserve that peace of mind, don't you?
[Edited 10/25/06 18:20pm]

Mach said:

This is what I was going to say.....