OK...so like I walked away from my job about 10 weeks ago. My sister and I had planned this, I'd move in to her house and go back to grad school and look for a better gig. OK...so like I was going on lots of interviews, but they were bogus. So I've thrown myself into my studies and still look a bit on the side. If it doesnt work by semester's end, i'm shacking up with boyfriend earlier than planned and I'll find work there and live off my school loans and grants.

So my sister pulls me aside one night and asks me what am i doing with my life. WTF? I was really offeneded that she and her husband were afraid or assumed that I was mooching. No grown ass woman wants to live in her far better off sister and her husband's house. The shit is in my face everyday. I have not found a great paying job in two months and so now they think i'm giving up and sponging or something. I'm working part time just so I don't go batty. Are you serious? My sister's perspective is this: she worked full time when she was in grad school, so basically she has no sympathy for me. We are in entirely different feilds, but no one is taking that into account. Man...I wished I'd taken this semester online, I'd be gone out of this house by this weekend.

Family...just goes to show that they really don't know me. Family is so dysfunctional! I try to give it a chance but family just stresses me out. I can't wait till I leave. It sucks just driving back to the house.

i think the word "family" has a highly subjective meaning.

i think it should refer to those people in your life with whom you can freely give and take when the need arises...which i guess most people define as "sharing".

you can be related to people, and those people can count on you completely and be part of your life until the day you die...but they may not necessarily be "family" as such. just relatives.

Any chance of moving in with a fellow student sharing expenses while you study?

KatSkrizzle said:

So sorry that you have to go thru that....they never see that you're trying to do something that is going to better your situation...all they see is that you're trying to get over on them.....I feel you on that shit right there...my fam drove me so nutty that I barely go home to see them, and when I do, I just stay long enough for them to start massaging that last nerve, then I bounce...for me it was getting all the life advice and child rearing advice...which wasn't a bad thing, except that NONE of my sisters had kids at the time, and since they had such strong anti-military feelings when I came back in, all I got was the BS that goes with that....

hope it gets better for you....

luv4u said:

Trust me, in this new city I would like to, but I'm new and haven't made a lot of friends yet. That's the other killer! But I appreciate the offer!

a friend of mine once said, you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends.

take it easy, maybe she didn't mean it like that I don't know your sister though, once you are out maybe talk to her again and ask her what she meant.

hang in there, grad school is hard.

My family are totally dysfunctional , you know you think you can always count on them for love and support and you cant .

Pochacco said:

To be fair to my fam, the past year and change have been horrible for them dealing with the aftermath of Katrina.....everyone pretty much lost everything they owned....lots of personal effects and the like....but I got it with both barrels because I couldn't just pick up and come home to help with the recovery...as much as it hurt me not to be able to it was impossible...Uncle Sam don't play that....I wasn't disowned, but trust me when I say that when I called, I got the brushoff, even more than I expected....then come to find out that one of my sisters was actually PISSED at me for not coming home....

fucked me up big time....

Anx said:

I can always rely on you for very intelligent posts! Thanks! You are totally right!

KatSkrizzle said:

i'm sorry it wasn't more directly related to what you were talking about, though in a way i guess it was. it's difficult to draw the line between familial obligations and being part of a healthy group of caring people and contributing to those relationships. for years i wanted to erase the line between "relatives" and "family", but you can't force people not to be assholes, alas.

reneGade20 said:

THAT is crazy! Our home burned down when I was 14 so I can remember the feeling of total loss. It was quite hard on my parents.

But as far as being upset about things that can't be controlled...that is really wild! I'm telling you, family can be the most judgemental, disrespectful people.

I think sometimes I forget how my family is because boyfriend's is so ... no dysfunctional. And he came from a seriously broken home! But they still really look out for each other and don't judge.

I sympathize with that loss though. I'm happy that it happened in my youth and not as an adult...for now anyway.

the idea of family in this country is to get out when you are 18 and make it on your own.....unlike other countries where family stays together longer.....it sucks but if anything will motivate you more to get out on your own sooner, it is crashing on a sister's couch

KatSkrizzle said:

what works for one doesn't work for another.
ones wants and needs arent the same as another.
tell her to kiss ass

I SWEAR I was gonna make a thread about this.
Parents.
Sometimes I think the Menendez bros. had the right idea.
I come home from work this morning, and ALL my fucking clothes are out my closet and on the hallway floor outside the room. And I'm thinking to myself "What the FUCK!??!" Nobody but my stepdad did that fucking ignorant shit. I mean, I was gonna do laundry and wash those clothes today when I got up, but did he REALLY need to fucking do that? And not say anything to me?
And then a couple nights ago I was down here at like 3 a.m. watching X3 on the computer, with all the other lights off down here since the comp screen is bright as hell. He comes strolling in telling me that I'm using all this electricity and I'm trying to tell him that a computer HARDLY uses electricity, and that I'm not using anymore buy doing something on here than I would be if it was in hibernation, but him being from fucking 4th world country Jamaica where they have no fucking grasp of common sense, understanding, or electricity, he sits there and tries to argue with me telling me that he pays bills, and I remind him that I help pay bills too, and he continue to go on so I just turn the fucking shit off and go upstairs. The next night I come home from work, and him and my mom are in the front room sleep with the t.v., upstairs hallway and kitchen light on. HMMMMM.....
My mom gets mad at me for leaving the bathroom door open if I'm not in there.
They tell me and my brother not to leave clothes in the washer or dryer, but they're up EVERY FUCKING NIGHT washing clothes, and then when I want to wash clothes it's always somebody elses fucking shit in there.
I hang around people who happen to smoke, and sometimes I come home smelling like cigarettes. My mom tells me she hates it. I tell her I'm not the one smoking. Then she starts judging my friends just because they smoke.
She was raised and raised me and my brother and sister as baptists, and now she's a seventh day adventist and wants us to switch religions with her, something I'm not comfortable at ALL with doing. I try to explain that to her and she tells me as long as I'm in her house blah blah blah...I told my other family members that and she tells them she tells me that I can go to any church I want to, as long as I go, which is a bullshit ass lie...
I could go on ALL damn day about there asses. I am SO ready to move and get the hell away from them for fucking real.

OneMoreTimeP said:

Well come on and move out! I'm leaving at the end of the semester. If a job pops up before then (I so hope it does), I'll stay in this city n tell em to kiss my ass and thanks but no thanks for the "help". Perhaps this was the ammunition to really make it happen for myself.