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Printableehuffnsd said: not that i claim to understand icky unnatural hetrosexual relationships. but shouldn't the woman work just as hard to keep the romance alive? shouldn't it be a two way street? 
hell to the YES and it should be genuine from the start like Byron mentioned if it's a game and pretend it will fade  | |
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Byron said: Why can't it be both...friendship, loyalty and respect can (and do) go hand-in-hand with declarations of love. Romantic isn't just flowers and candy and poetry...romantic is mostly just sincerity, and a willingness to express it in a multitude of ways.  | |
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luv4u said: A lot of relationships die coz the spark is allowed to die. Just coz you romanced a woman with flowers, phone calls, internet chat, dates, etc. at the very beginning, and now you got her. So why stop doing those special things that you romanced her with to get her?
I think it should always be an ongoing part of a relationship. But once the guy gets the girl, it stops. How many of you keep the romance alive in your relationship with your special woman? And what do you do? Everybody gets tired. People also let themselves go once they have someone. | |
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I fully agree with Erin
as usual 
but its true. just be yourself from the get. honest about all the things you like and don't like and don't try to be something that your partner wants just for the sake of them wanting it. that's not to say you can't do something 'romantic' once in a while if your girl is into that, but most girls end up expecting that to be your whole personality. at least in my experience. I, personally, am not into romance. I'd much rather just know that someone generally cares for my well being and is just nice and loving in their actions. full on romance just doesn't interest me so it would be disingenuious of me to lead someone on by doing that kind of stuff. just my two cents  | |
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WillyWonka said: FuzzyD said: Spats was also right when he said that romance isn't everything and that it should be a two way thing, I make sure I think of my other half and get him little gifts, cook his favourite meal. I don't do it all the time or else it wouldn't feel special...
But that is romance. It's the small things, and continued thoughtfulness from both parties, that keep the spark alive and your partner feeling loved and desired. I know that... its just that if it happens ALL the time then there is nothing or very little special about it. I think someone else mentioned the sencerity of something that is done just to win someone over, it should be something done because the feeling of being in love with someone has just washed over you again, not because it is a habit or done out of a sense of obligation... I dunno, after 11 years of marriage maybe my "vision" is blurred....!! But wheb all said and done, what works for some, might not work for another... | |
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JustErin said: Women do the same kind of thing.
They pretend to be interested in things that they're really not interested in, they pretend to be ok with their guy doing his own thing, etc...but once they get the guy, their true colours come out. My point is, this kind of 'do anything to get the person you want' goes both ways. I think the only way to keep the romance going is to always be honest and be who you really are from day one. That way your mate is falling for the real you. But I'm not a guy so I guess I shouldn't have responded to this thread.  Totally
Whats that all about????? [Edited 10/3/06 5:15am] | |
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 JustErin | |
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Unanswerable question. Everyone's idea of romance is different. Hell, some dumbass dudes think its romantic to pick up an old rose and a 2 dollar box of chocolate at 5 pm on valentines day and throw it on the kitchen table.
You have to identify your partners needs at all times and definately think outside the box. Or eventually you will get divorced like me. (Insert something clever here) |
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FuzzyD said: WillyWonka said: But that is romance. It's the small things, and continued thoughtfulness from both parties, that keep the spark alive and your partner feeling loved and desired. I know that... its just that if it happens ALL the time then there is nothing or very little special about it. I think someone else mentioned the sencerity of something that is done just to win someone over, it should be something done because the feeling of being in love with someone has just washed over you again, not because it is a habit or done out of a sense of obligation... I dunno, after 11 years of marriage maybe my "vision" is blurred....!! But wheb all said and done, what works for some, might not work for another... I understand what you are saying, and certainly agree about the sincerity aspect. I do not know your definition of "ALL the time" in regards to doing thoughtful things for your partner but my contention is that frequent spontaneous gestures showing your loved one they are always in the forefront of your thoughts never lessens in impact nor effect, no matter how often such gestures occur. Little things, such as the purchasing of a cheap drugstore trinket you thought might bring a smile, or leaving of a surprise note saying 'I miss you' or 'I'm glad you're in my life', or having a hot drink ready when your loved one comes in from the cold are quiet, simple ways to daily communicate love. Of course, I realize we all have unique personalities and every relationship operates differently and so, to some, the aforementioned could seem work, or overkill, and if one has to put on a facade and do these things then the meaning is lost, but I'm the romantic type by nature and doing such things provides to me as much pleasure as (hopefully) to the one for whom they are done, so there you are. I like it. 
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WillyWonka said: FuzzyD said: I know that... its just that if it happens ALL the time then there is nothing or very little special about it. I think someone else mentioned the sencerity of something that is done just to win someone over, it should be something done because the feeling of being in love with someone has just washed over you again, not because it is a habit or done out of a sense of obligation... I dunno, after 11 years of marriage maybe my "vision" is blurred....!! But wheb all said and done, what works for some, might not work for another... I understand what you are saying, and certainly agree about the sincerity aspect. I do not know your definition of "ALL the time" in regards to doing thoughtful things for your partner but my contention is that frequent spontaneous gestures showing your loved one they are always in the forefront of your thoughts never lessens in impact nor effect, no matter how often such gestures occur. Little things, such as the purchasing of a cheap drugstore trinket you thought might bring a smile, or leaving of a surprise note saying 'I miss you' or 'I'm glad you're in my life', or having a hot drink ready when your loved one comes in from the cold are quiet, simple ways to daily communicate love. Of course, I realize we all have unique personalities and every relationship operates differently and so, to some, the aforementioned could seem work, or overkill, and if one has to put on a facade and do these things then the meaning is lost, but I'm the romantic type by nature and doing such things provides to me as much pleasure as (hopefully) to the one for whom they are done, so there you are. I like it.
have I told you lately that I love you? | |
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WillyWonka said: FuzzyD said: I know that... its just that if it happens ALL the time then there is nothing or very little special about it. I think someone else mentioned the sencerity of something that is done just to win someone over, it should be something done because the feeling of being in love with someone has just washed over you again, not because it is a habit or done out of a sense of obligation... I dunno, after 11 years of marriage maybe my "vision" is blurred....!! But wheb all said and done, what works for some, might not work for another... I understand what you are saying, and certainly agree about the sincerity aspect. I do not know your definition of "ALL the time" in regards to doing thoughtful things for your partner but my contention is that frequent spontaneous gestures showing your loved one they are always in the forefront of your thoughts never lessens in impact nor effect, no matter how often such gestures occur. Little things, such as the purchasing of a cheap drugstore trinket you thought might bring a smile, or leaving of a surprise note saying 'I miss you' or 'I'm glad you're in my life', or having a hot drink ready when your loved one comes in from the cold are quiet, simple ways to daily communicate love. Of course, I realize we all have unique personalities and every relationship operates differently and so, to some, the aforementioned could seem work, or overkill, and if one has to put on a facade and do these things then the meaning is lost, but I'm the romantic type by nature and doing such things provides to me as much pleasure as (hopefully) to the one for whom they are done, so there you are. I like it.
I suppose there people that do things without thinking the actions are romantic...I always make sure there is a fresh pot of coffee for when my husband comes home - I don't mean it to be romantic, I just know he likes that. Maybe there are a many men (and women) who do things on a daily basis that some might deam to be romantic, but that person just does it because they know it makes the other happy.... Maybe even Spats.....?!! | |
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FuzzyD said: WillyWonka said: I understand what you are saying, and certainly agree about the sincerity aspect. I do not know your definition of "ALL the time" in regards to doing thoughtful things for your partner but my contention is that frequent spontaneous gestures showing your loved one they are always in the forefront of your thoughts never lessens in impact nor effect, no matter how often such gestures occur. Little things, such as the purchasing of a cheap drugstore trinket you thought might bring a smile, or leaving of a surprise note saying 'I miss you' or 'I'm glad you're in my life', or having a hot drink ready when your loved one comes in from the cold are quiet, simple ways to daily communicate love. Of course, I realize we all have unique personalities and every relationship operates differently and so, to some, the aforementioned could seem work, or overkill, and if one has to put on a facade and do these things then the meaning is lost, but I'm the romantic type by nature and doing such things provides to me as much pleasure as (hopefully) to the one for whom they are done, so there you are. I like it.
I suppose there people that do things without thinking the actions are romantic...I always make sure there is a fresh pot of coffee for when my husband comes home - I don't mean it to be romantic, I just know he likes that. Maybe there are a many men (and women) who do things on a daily basis that some might deam to be romantic, but that person just does it because they know it makes the other happy.... Maybe even Spats.....?!! You make great points. Definining "romance" and "romantic gesture" is dependant upon the sensibilities of the two people involved in the relationship. Your husband is a fortunate man indeed to have such a loving wife. | |
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Natisse said: WillyWonka said: I understand what you are saying, and certainly agree about the sincerity aspect. I do not know your definition of "ALL the time" in regards to doing thoughtful things for your partner but my contention is that frequent spontaneous gestures showing your loved one they are always in the forefront of your thoughts never lessens in impact nor effect, no matter how often such gestures occur. Little things, such as the purchasing of a cheap drugstore trinket you thought might bring a smile, or leaving of a surprise note saying 'I miss you' or 'I'm glad you're in my life', or having a hot drink ready when your loved one comes in from the cold are quiet, simple ways to daily communicate love. Of course, I realize we all have unique personalities and every relationship operates differently and so, to some, the aforementioned could seem work, or overkill, and if one has to put on a facade and do these things then the meaning is lost, but I'm the romantic type by nature and doing such things provides to me as much pleasure as (hopefully) to the one for whom they are done, so there you are. I like it.
have I told you lately that I love you? The feeling is mutual, dear lady. | |
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Let her use remote control once in a while Kazakhstani chain of importance: "God, man, horse, dog, woman, then rat, then small krutzouli"
MIGHTY GLORIOUS MANS OF PRINCE'S ORG: #1 BORAT (OBVIOUS), #2 SPATS, #3 SPISARIBB, #4 MIKEMATRONIK | |
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Byron said: I don't do romantic things solely to get a woman to fall in love with me...romance without sincerity is empty compliments. I'm romantic because expressing how much I love someone is second nature to me.
 Ὅσον ζῇς φαίνου
μηδὲν ὅλως σὺ λυποῦ πρὸς ὀλίγον ἐστὶ τὸ ζῆν τὸ τέλος ὁ χρόνος ἀπαιτεῖ.” | |
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ThreadBare said: No, I have her and I still do things for her. Surprise her with this thing or that thing.
It doesn't stop, when you're constantly reminded how blessed you are to have her... As i am. 
I don't see why the "pursuit" technically has to end. You women know how complex you can be. There's always another layer to discover and explore. . [Edited 10/2/06 23:13pm] Ὅσον ζῇς φαίνου
μηδὲν ὅλως σὺ λυποῦ πρὸς ὀλίγον ἐστὶ τὸ ζῆν τὸ τέλος ὁ χρόνος ἀπαιτεῖ.” | |
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A BIG bunch of flowers on our anniversary last week chosen to be the same as those at our wedding. Dinner at best place in town where I surprised her with a holiday to Antigua (when we usually go skiing!  )
However up until then things were getting a bit dry, I think a lot has to do with reciprocation though. In an early relationship guys do the flowers, little texts, messages of love dotted around the house, surprise holidays and nights out, general wine and dine. The lady is receptive to these, big smiles, little kisses, blushes and coy advances. Both become tired with time, without effort. You can only give flowers so often before it becomes expected, and that’s just as bad. Happy is he who finds out the causes for things.Virgil (70-19 BC). Virgil was such a lying bastard! | |
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DarkKnight1 said: You have to identify your partners needs at all times and definately think outside the box.  | |
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Lammastide said: ThreadBare said: No, I have her and I still do things for her. Surprise her with this thing or that thing.
It doesn't stop, when you're constantly reminded how blessed you are to have her... As i am.
I don't see why the "pursuit" technically has to end. You women know how complex you can be. There's always another layer to discover and explore. . Shouldn't you be typing on your laptop precariously close to your bathtub again? | |
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Mach said: How many of you keep the romance alive in your relationship with your special woman? And what do you do?
 I am going to speak for my bestfriend/partner/husband
He does ... we just went on an incredible date the other eve yes, INCREDIBLE date after 20 yrs together 20 years together?  That is awesome! Congrats! 
Ohh purple joy oh purple bliss oh purple rapture! REAL MUSIC by REAL MUSICIANS - Prince "I kind of wish there was a reason for Prince to make the site crash more" ~~ Ben |
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moderatorPREDOMINANT said: A BIG bunch of flowers on our anniversary last week chosen to be the same as those at our wedding. Dinner at best place in town where I surprised her with a holiday to Antigua (when we usually go skiing!
)
However up until then things were getting a bit dry, I think a lot has to do with reciprocation though. In an early relationship guys do the flowers, little texts, messages of love dotted around the house, surprise holidays and nights out, general wine and dine. The lady is receptive to these, big smiles, little kisses, blushes and coy advances. Both become tired with time, without effort. You can only give flowers so often before it becomes expected, and that’s just as bad. Exactly. That's why one must keep using one's imagination to come up with new ideas, and creative, unexpected ways to keep romance and excitement alive. It's too easy to fall into a rut. Material gifts don't have to be expensive. Outings don't have to be elaborate or costly. Those things are terrific and have their place, but an unexpected gift costing .50 but which indicates you'd remembered something unique to your lady's interests, personality or life, or to your relationship with her, can be worth more in terms of sentimentality than a generic, expensive bouquet of flowers. | |
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Men are sex toys. If you've got one sitting around the house, learn to appreciate it, make use of it regularly, it doesn't get much more convenient than that! LOL. They can go from zero to aroused in a matter of seconds. Random spontaneus sex can be alot of fun. | |
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ThreadBare said: Lammastide said: Shouldn't you be typing on your laptop precariously close to your bathtub again?  Hey!! You tryin' to tell me something!?!?Ὅσον ζῇς φαίνου
μηδὲν ὅλως σὺ λυποῦ πρὸς ὀλίγον ἐστὶ τὸ ζῆν τὸ τέλος ὁ χρόνος ἀπαιτεῖ.” | |
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ThreadBare said: No, I have her and I still do things for her. Surprise her with this thing or that thing.
It doesn't stop, when you're constantly reminded how blessed you are to have her... As i am.
I don't see why the "pursuit" technically has to end. You women know how complex you can be. There's always another layer to discover and explore. . [Edited 10/2/06 23:13pm] That was wonderful! My fiance hasn't stopped the pursuit. It has slacked off a bit--from both of us. But I'm glad it did. Gifts and flowers and such wouldn't be exciting if they just came all the time. No, I rather when I'm least expecting he's about to do something nice... when it's been awhile, and I wake up one morning and he's gotten me something. And it isn't even about the something. Hell, a few nights ago, he walked in from work, and pointed to his chest and said the cheesiest, but nicest thing. He says, "My heart is full of love, and it all belongs to you!" I about melted from my piece of couch. If that sort of thing was commonplace, I'd not be nearly as impressed. I'll take quality over quantity. This one's for you. | |
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Byron said: I think if a man is romantic before you're officially together, but then drops the romance after he's "won" your affection, then he wasn't expressing his sincere feelings
So feelings are set in stone, huh? Most people would say feelings, like a lot of things, change over time. Romantic gestures, I believe, are based on thought more than feeling. Remember the old cliche "It's the thought that counts" ? So, if I wine and dine and romance a woman I have feelings for, but I think that she doens't really appreciate those gestures (or appreciate me, for that matter), takes me for granted, is a gold-digger, etc., what should I do--continue to go with my feelings or succumb to my thoughts?  I'm sick and tired of the Prince fans being sick and tired of the Prince fans that are sick and tired! | |
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ThreadBare said: No, I have her and I still do things for her. Surprise her with this thing or that thing.
It doesn't stop, when you're constantly reminded how blessed you are to have her... As i am.
I don't see why the "pursuit" technically has to end. You women know how complex you can be. There's always another layer to discover and explore. . [Edited 10/2/06 23:13pm] Yeah , sure there is.  | |
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Byron said: luv4u said: [Taps foot edit] Alright alright alright...lol 
I think if a man is romantic before you're officially together, but then drops the romance after he's "won" your affection, then he wasn't expressing his sincere feelings...he was using romance as a tool to bag his prey, nothing more. There are men who are just not romantic and never will be...nothing wrong with that. But you'll see that in the beginning already, so it won't be a surprise later on. Some women don't want romance, makes them feel uncomfortable. Um...I'm sure there's a third catagory in there somewhere...lol...my mind is drugged right now, so can't think of what it would be. Anyway, I think it's completely natural to want and even expect your partner to express their love, appreciation and passion for you. I don't think it's enough to constantly tell yourself that you "know" you're loved so they don't have to tell you or show you...yet at the same time, you DO have to have security in the knowledge that they do love, value and appreciate you so that you're not constantly pushing for them to show it and tell it. In that case it starts to seem as if the things they DO say and do are overlooked, mean nothing...you're basically only wanting constant reassurance at that point. And there's a significant difference between wanting passion and romance in your relationship, and wanting reassurance that they still love you. Am I forgiven?...lol 
[Edited 10/3/06 0:40am] Well i don't romance them or pursue them in the beginning. So i am not doing anything wrong.  | |
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luv4u said: Yes, you're forgiven Byron
Yeah, but he is not forgiven for questioning how much of a man i am. Haven't heard an apology for that. | |
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Spats said: ThreadBare said: No, I have her and I still do things for her. Surprise her with this thing or that thing.
It doesn't stop, when you're constantly reminded how blessed you are to have her... As i am.
I don't see why the "pursuit" technically has to end. You women know how complex you can be. There's always another layer to discover and explore. . [Edited 10/2/06 23:13pm] Yeah , sure there is. There's healing for you, in Jesus' name. | |
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jerseykrs said: I fully agree with Erin
as usual
but its true. just be yourself from the get. honest about all the things you like and don't like and don't try to be something that your partner wants just for the sake of them wanting it. that's not to say you can't do something 'romantic' once in a while if your girl is into that, but most girls end up expecting that to be your whole personality. at least in my experience. I, personally, am not into romance. I'd much rather just know that someone generally cares for my well being and is just nice and loving in their actions. full on romance just doesn't interest me so it would be disingenuious of me to lead someone on by doing that kind of stuff. just my two cents Good to see there are real guys around here like Jersey and Uptown NY. Let's all flex our muscles. | |
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