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Printablesusannah said: lonely as I am, (and I am
 ) I'm sticking with the getting to know myself thing for a while. And I mean that anything but crudely. I don't want to to force myself into anything that might result in a mess of feelings. I need time 
As far as sex, unless you're after a fling or a one night stand I think it's for the best to wait a little while. Of course there are instances where these have blossomed into relationships, but more often that not, they blossom into nothing. If you want a good, solid relationship, get to know the person before you concentrate on the physical, because relationships need more than sex.  Good stuff! | |
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susannah said: lonely as I am, (and I am
) I'm sticking with the getting to know myself thing for a while. And I mean that anything but crudely. I don't want to to force myself into anything that might result in a mess of feelings. I need time
As far as sex, unless you're after a fling or a one night stand I think it's for the best to wait a little while. Of course there are instances where these have blossomed into relationships, but more often that not, they blossom into nothing. If you want a good, solid relationship, get to know the person before you concentrate on the physical, because relationships need more than sex. Your rite. Anyways, the LAST LAST LAST thing I want or NEED rite now is a relationship. I can't even begin to think of that. | |
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ThreadBare said: gemini13 said: I don't know if your pastor is who you should be talking to.
If anyone is going to tell you that sex is bad, it's a pastor.  That's not true at all. I have never heard a preacher say sex is bad. I have heard preachers say that sex outside of the confines of marriage can have some consequences. All the preachers I know talk of sex within the biblical context as a beautiful thing. Even the Bible talks about it as such. Luv4all7, start by committing your relationship with that person (at whatever stage it is) to the Lord. Ask Him daily for wisdom concerning that person and how to interact with them. Talk to the person a lot. The wisdom God will give you will help you see what kind of person they are. God is faithful in this regard, believe me. See them around their friends, let them meet your friends, go out to different types of events, etc. Be honest with them about your religious context and how that shapes physical interaction in romantic relationships. If the relationship progresses enough, go to church with them and have them attend church with you. That way, you begin to have a "cloud of witnesses" who can provide guidance and, if necessary, caution. (i.e., an older, wiser woman who can say: "He's not for you because..." or, "He seems like a great guy. Congrats!") The deeper you go that way, the easier it is to discern the person's motives (as well as your own), and the easier it is to build a relationship on more substantive bases than on a physical one. Oy, I guess I'm not as devout as you are, because I would rather take advice from a marriage counselor before I'd take advice from the leader of a church. But that's just me  | |
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gemini13 said: ThreadBare said: That's not true at all. I have never heard a preacher say sex is bad. I have heard preachers say that sex outside of the confines of marriage can have some consequences. All the preachers I know talk of sex within the biblical context as a beautiful thing. Even the Bible talks about it as such. Luv4all7, start by committing your relationship with that person (at whatever stage it is) to the Lord. Ask Him daily for wisdom concerning that person and how to interact with them. Talk to the person a lot. The wisdom God will give you will help you see what kind of person they are. God is faithful in this regard, believe me. See them around their friends, let them meet your friends, go out to different types of events, etc. Be honest with them about your religious context and how that shapes physical interaction in romantic relationships. If the relationship progresses enough, go to church with them and have them attend church with you. That way, you begin to have a "cloud of witnesses" who can provide guidance and, if necessary, caution. (i.e., an older, wiser woman who can say: "He's not for you because..." or, "He seems like a great guy. Congrats!") The deeper you go that way, the easier it is to discern the person's motives (as well as your own), and the easier it is to build a relationship on more substantive bases than on a physical one. Oy, I guess I'm not as devout as you are, because I would rather take advice from a marriage counselor before I'd take advice from the leader of a church. But that's just me Everyones different.  | |
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luv4all7 said: susannah said: lonely as I am, (and I am
) I'm sticking with the getting to know myself thing for a while. And I mean that anything but crudely. I don't want to to force myself into anything that might result in a mess of feelings. I need time
As far as sex, unless you're after a fling or a one night stand I think it's for the best to wait a little while. Of course there are instances where these have blossomed into relationships, but more often that not, they blossom into nothing. If you want a good, solid relationship, get to know the person before you concentrate on the physical, because relationships need more than sex. Your rite. Anyways, the LAST LAST LAST thing I want or NEED rite now is a relationship. I can't even begin to think of that.  Aren't you IN a relationship? (i.e. married) | |
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applekisses said: luv4all7 said: Your rite. Anyways, the LAST LAST LAST thing I want or NEED rite now is a relationship. I can't even begin to think of that. Aren't you IN a relationship? (i.e. married)I'm married. 
added to make it look pretty.[Edited 9/28/06 8:09am] | |
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gemini13 said: ThreadBare said: That's not true at all. I have never heard a preacher say sex is bad. I have heard preachers say that sex outside of the confines of marriage can have some consequences. All the preachers I know talk of sex within the biblical context as a beautiful thing. Even the Bible talks about it as such. Luv4all7, start by committing your relationship with that person (at whatever stage it is) to the Lord. Ask Him daily for wisdom concerning that person and how to interact with them. Talk to the person a lot. The wisdom God will give you will help you see what kind of person they are. God is faithful in this regard, believe me. See them around their friends, let them meet your friends, go out to different types of events, etc. Be honest with them about your religious context and how that shapes physical interaction in romantic relationships. If the relationship progresses enough, go to church with them and have them attend church with you. That way, you begin to have a "cloud of witnesses" who can provide guidance and, if necessary, caution. (i.e., an older, wiser woman who can say: "He's not for you because..." or, "He seems like a great guy. Congrats!") The deeper you go that way, the easier it is to discern the person's motives (as well as your own), and the easier it is to build a relationship on more substantive bases than on a physical one. Oy, I guess I'm not as devout as you are, because I would rather take advice from a marriage counselor before I'd take advice from the leader of a church. But that's just me Hey, I'm just talking about an approach that seems to work best for me and people within my context.  I think marriage counseling is a wonderful step to take.
Ideally, within a Christian situation, the pastor has prior interactions with the married couple and some familiarity with their marriage's dynamics. In a pastoral setting, this can include everything from casual observation, to conversations, to intercessory prayer and counseling. | |
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ThreadBare said: gemini13 said: Oy, I guess I'm not as devout as you are, because I would rather take advice from a marriage counselor before I'd take advice from the leader of a church. But that's just me Hey, I'm just talking about an approach that seems to work best for me and people within my context. I think marriage counseling is a wonderful step to take.
Ideally, within a Christian situation, the pastor has prior interactions with the married couple and some familiarity with their marriage's dynamics. In a pastoral setting, this can include everything from casual observation, to conversations, to intercessory prayer and counseling. I know what you mean.... I'd like to ask Luv what her husband is like in general. Is he an asshole? Is he mean to you in any way? What are his bad qualities? I wish I didn't have to go to work, but I'll be back. | |
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Muse2NOPharaoh said: susannah said: lonely as I am, (and I am
) I'm sticking with the getting to know myself thing for a while. And I mean that anything but crudely. I don't want to to force myself into anything that might result in a mess of feelings. I need time
As far as sex, unless you're after a fling or a one night stand I think it's for the best to wait a little while. Of course there are instances where these have blossomed into relationships, but more often that not, they blossom into nothing. If you want a good, solid relationship, get to know the person before you concentrate on the physical, because relationships need more than sex. Good stuff! | |
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gemini13 said: ThreadBare said: Hey, I'm just talking about an approach that seems to work best for me and people within my context. I think marriage counseling is a wonderful step to take.
Ideally, within a Christian situation, the pastor has prior interactions with the married couple and some familiarity with their marriage's dynamics. In a pastoral setting, this can include everything from casual observation, to conversations, to intercessory prayer and counseling. I know what you mean.... I'd like to ask Luv what her husband is like in general. Is he an asshole? Is he mean to you in any way? What are his bad qualities? I wish I didn't have to go to work, but I'll be back. I orgnoted ya the detailed version, but for the sake of the thread, someone I talked to yesterday. (A professional) called him "Sadistic". | |
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luv4all7 said: susannah said: lonely as I am, (and I am
) I'm sticking with the getting to know myself thing for a while. And I mean that anything but crudely. I don't want to to force myself into anything that might result in a mess of feelings. I need time
As far as sex, unless you're after a fling or a one night stand I think it's for the best to wait a little while. Of course there are instances where these have blossomed into relationships, but more often that not, they blossom into nothing. If you want a good, solid relationship, get to know the person before you concentrate on the physical, because relationships need more than sex. Your rite. Anyways, the LAST LAST LAST thing I want or NEED rite now is a relationship. I can't even begin to think of that. Take some time, concentrate on yourself, and your kids. Realise that if you ARE lonely for a man, that problem signifies something else within yourself. You will feel much better in the long run if you use that time to learn more about yourself instead of purposefully or accidentally falling into another relationship.  | |
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luv4all7 said: SnidelyWhiplash said: to me --- i think "healthy relationship" is tough to define .... and i have been doing alot of soul searching on that topic too luv...
its like ... the "perfect family" ... does it ever exist ??? You meet someone and their family and u are like ... wow ... they are perrrrfect ... and then you get to know them ... and u realize ....oh ... dougy has his alcohol problem... and Susie slept with half the town ... etc .... so ... breaking it down ... i think one of the most important things between a hubby and wife are just "supporting each other" .... if you are stay at home mom --- he supports you as much as possible with that ... and same with you and his "job" .. etc ... your wants ... desires ... dreams kinda just flow from that .... I have seen so many couples that do it in various ways .... and some which i thought "wow , what a happy couple" ... and then of course ... u realize they got the same probs as everyone !!!  My pastor said that too. That I'm good at wearing a mask.   I've been told that too, I think everybody does...I don't think anyone truly reveal themselves completely for many reasons... i think "healthy relationship" is tough to define .... and i have been doing alot of soul searching on that topic too luv... I agree, I think it's relative to the person or persons in the relationship and what him or her considers healthy and unhealthy to be... | |
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luv4all7 said: the LAST LAST LAST thing I want or NEED rite now is a relationship.
So .. then what do YOU want and need ? | |
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Mach said: luv4all7 said: the LAST LAST LAST thing I want or NEED rite now is a relationship.
So .. then what do YOU want and need ? I don't even know.  I have absolutely no idea. I mean besides what i want and need for my kids. I don't know how to figure out what I want or need. | |
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luv4all7 said: Mach said:
So .. then what do YOU want and need ? I don't even know. I have absolutely no idea. I mean besides what i want and need for my kids. I don't know how to figure out what I want or need.
perhaps you could find a few hours each week away from home/kids/husband/church ... to figure out who YOU are and what YOU need try simple lists shut off the demands you mental jabber in the brain makes to distract your heart listen to her and what she tells you she needs to be nurtured sign off the "ORG" and get in touch with the realness that is YOU | |
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Mach said: luv4all7 said: the LAST LAST LAST thing I want or NEED rite now is a relationship.
So .. then what do YOU want and need ? she needs a break, i.e. a roadtrip!!! | |
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abierman said: Mach said:
So .. then what do YOU want and need ? she needs a break, i.e. a roadtrip!!!
| |
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abierman said: Mach said:
So .. then what do YOU want and need ? she needs a break, i.e. a roadtrip!!!  ROADTRIP  | |
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Mach said: abierman said: she needs a break, i.e. a roadtrip!!! ROADTRIP exactly, roadtrips are the best to let all what's on your mind go and give it a place..... | |
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no roadtrips till April  then I get to come too 
 | |
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I'm not sure there's a healthy formula for relationships. My most unhealthy relationship began as a friendship. And good relationships have begun with sex.
But I think maybe your pastor is right that there are unhealthy patterns. My Legacy
http://prince.org/msg/8/192731 | |
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gemini13 said: I don't know if your pastor is who you should be talking to.
If anyone is going to tell you that sex is bad, it's a pastor. oh please
I have more of a concern that the pastor didn't seem to put any responsibility on the husband. There are two people here, not one, and thus both need to think about their patterns in relationships. Not all pastors think sex is a bad thing. | |
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luv4all7 said: Oh. He also asked me if I have ever been "in love"
 with any of these guys. And I was like, I dunno.
He's like well, if you don't know, then NO, you weren't. And I'm like, I LOVED them, I mean I love everyone, yanno? And I said, if your talking about fairy tale type of love stuff, I said, I don't believe in that. And he said, that there IS such a thing as the fairy tale love stuff, and that we all deserve to have that. What do ya's think? I think that's true, but I don't think we're all gonna find it. Or if we do, maybe it doesn't work out. Sometimes compatability, genuine affection, passion, loyalty and such can be enough if what you want is a long, comitted realtionship. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. That said, I've felt the fairy tale love. And I want it back, dammit.  |
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Jumping into bed right away does eliminate the opportunity for getting to know each other more intimately. By the way...you weren't the only one in the bed. Your husband shares in 50% of the blame. Don't let this all be put on your shoulders. [Edited 9/28/06 11:26am] | |
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purplerein said: Jumping into bed right away does eliminate the opportunity for getting to know each other more intimately. By the way...you weren't the only one in the bed. Your husband shares in 50% of the blame. Don't let this all be put on your shoulders.
[Edited 9/28/06 11:26am] No it doesn't. I have had a 3 year and 5 year relationship with someone I banged on the first date. 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: purplerein said: Jumping into bed right away does eliminate the opportunity for getting to know each other more intimately. By the way...you weren't the only one in the bed. Your husband shares in 50% of the blame. Don't let this all be put on your shoulders.
[Edited 9/28/06 11:26am] No it doesn't. I have had a 3 year and 5 year relationship with someone I banged on the first date. You're a gay man. Those things work differently in your world. |
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All of my "first "date" bangs" that I WANTED to turn into relationships, HAVE turned into relationships. I guess he was just concerned with the fact that, the sex came before the friendship or whatever????
I dunno. But thats like the fun part. Mite as well get that outta the way first, rite? | |
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And yanno what else? Like I don't know if it's where I come from, or whatever, but I've never been on a real date.
Around here we party out the bush and have sex in the back of Chevy S10's. I mean. Thats just the way it is. | |
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luv4all7 said: And yanno what else? Like I don't know if it's where I come from, or whatever, but I've never been on a real date.
Around here we party out the bush and have sex in the back of Chevy S10's. I mean. Thats just the way it is. Break the cycle. get taken for dinner and a movie. | |
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CarrieMpls said: SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: No it doesn't. I have had a 3 year and 5 year relationship with someone I banged on the first date. You're a gay man. Those things work differently in your world. Maybe. all that talk about no sex until marriage is religious mumbo jumbo. Waiting to have sex is not a guarantee of a successful relationship and having sex right away does not guarantee a failed relationship. The issues go deeper than a timeframe for sexual encounters and that is what the priest failed to realize. 2010: Healing the Wounds of the Past.... http://prince.org/msg/8/325740 | |
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