Another Marriage Question people!

Do you think having jobs or even an arrangement that you are not in each others company ALL THE TIME enhances your chances at a successful marriage or diminish the chances.

I say this because I know being in the company of ANYONE on a continual basis fucking drives me nuts! So in your relationship do you do everything together or plan to have seperate lives?

Do you go on vacations together all the time or alone sometimes? I for one, could not go on each of my vacations with my significant other because I need my getaways just as much as the next person.

I know a married couple that live in separate homes....extreme to some, yet sane to others.

Hmmmmm???

a little space between even the closest lovers is good, imo.

XxAxX said:

i agree

As long as you're not seeing someone on the side during that time apart.

I have a friend who is dating a musician who is constantly on tour. He comes into town at odd hours and has to leave again right away. Right now he's gone until the middle of October, be here for a day and a half and then going off to Europe until the middle of December.It's hard, but they're making it work. They're giving it more time before they make a permanent commitment.
Right now, she can't travel with him, but she will go on some of the tours in the future.
What makes this doubly hard is all the little chicky girls hitting on her man.
Takes a lot of faith and trust.

shellyevon said:

Ok I'm gonna ask (forgive me Shelly) but who's the man?

Natisse said:

I can't say publically, but an orgnotes coming.

shellyevon said:

it's ok hon it was rude of me to ask I'm sorry

Do you think having jobs or even an arrangement that you are not in each others company ALL THE TIME enhances your chances at a successful marriage or diminish the chances. For me ( us ) ... it enhances success

So in your relationship do you do everything together or plan to have seperate lives? We had seperate lives prior to our marriage and we always will continue to have seperate aspects/time

Do you go on vacations together all the time or alone sometimes? Sometimes alone




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[Edited 9/27/06 11:57am]

Natisse said:

Nonsense, you can ask me anything.

shellyevon said:

My roommates, for the last five years, are a married couple who both happen to be in bands and are constantly travelling on different tours. It seems to work for them. They are totally into each other when they're finally in LA together. Plus, sometimes they'll meet each other in some random city. The longest they were together (for about six months) was a happy coincidence and they took complete advantate of it.

It's a great arrangement. Especially for me as I get to live in a kick ass house, all by myself for most of the year. And when they are in town, we hang out and I do get a bit depressed when they leave.

TheResistor said:

That's going to be my problem I think.

everything in moderation; I have a job which yakes me away from my wife and family for months at a time and we have to work hard to ensure each one gets what they need. I'm lucky to have her!

My partner and I do seperate vacations and our night lives don't always coincide. I like it...sometimes. You can do things and be apart too much, which is not good. I think, like anything alse balance is the best thing.

I do think being "Kling-ons" is not the best way to go.

superspaceboy said:

What's wrong with Klingons?

I think some separation definitely enhances things, noone can be together all the time for too long...although not to the extent that Shellys talking about, just like having different jobs and stuff.

DexMSR said:

I don't see marrage as "seprate lives" at all. I feel that's an unhealthy way of looking at it.

My wife and I are together 24/7/365. We work together from home. We go out together.

However we have our own space.

We are always bouncing perceptions off one another.

Marriage Can be a beautiful thing if you are good with team work.

MickG said:

So tell me how you have space? What do you do?

I think if you feel like you CAN'T be apart, you need to be. If you feel like your being ok depends on the presence of another, your life is out of balance, and you need to fix it.

And most people need some time to themselves to KNOW if they're doing ok with it.

So, in general, I think the answer to your question is yes.

However, too much time apart can be damaging for people who want to feel like they have a partnership. Long-distance relationships SUCK.

susannah said:

Right now she's down the hall in her "office" while I'm in my "office/loft" space. We will message eachother through a program to joke or what not, but she's doing her thing, I'm here doing my thing, while we do our thing to make money. We take a break every hour or so to have a smoke. Sometimes I'll smoke alone. We watch movies together, but sometimes we have our own thing.

Sometimes she's doing her girlly dress up thing while I'm in another room doing my lazyass rutine.

You can be alone with someone. You can be in the same space without having to be together in that space.

MickG said:

love it.

MickG said:

Cool! Really, Im glad to see someone who its working out for, sounds very under control!

MickG said:

This is an excellent point. To me, it's absolutely crucial that my partner know how to share a space without having to be together/engaged at all times. I love it when I can know that my SO is around, but I can still do my own thing and have time to myself. Best of both worlds.

HereToRockYourWorld said:

I want to be be able to do whatever I want,
whenever I want,
and I expect my bitch to be at my beck & call.

Cuz this is America, damn it.

IrresistibleB1tch said:

Oh, c'mon IB,
you can post something with a little more balls, can't you?.


Won't you help me to unwhimpify these blasted relationship threads?

I know you can....

Illustrator said:

why should i?

you can't be arsed to post on my threads in P&R, and you don't even bother to hang out with me here in GD...

so i console myself with bon bons, twinkies and large bottles of Stoli. i am reduced to picking up strange guys at gas stations, having hours-long, tantric, meaninless sex with them. by 8 p.m., i'm too drunk to follow the finer points of Keith Olbermann's comments, having to go to youtube the next day to figure out what he said.

and then you have the audacity to ask for my help on these threads?? not until you at least pay some child support for little Illu Jr. - he asks for you all the time!

GOT TO SAY. I met my husband in Church... he was an alter boy - we were 12.... Got together at 16 been ineperatable (as mates and then more) at 18.... been married for just over 11 years.

We spend as much time as we can together - talking about everything from Chemistry to Politics to sex.... our life is full of each other and then some - but we don't live in each other's pockets.... but having said that if we had the luxury of being able to afford to that ..... then we probably would, we did it when we were younger and it was GREAT!

People pay too much attention to who they would like to be and not enough to who they are.... each person has SO very much to give!

FuzzyD said:

Good point