What's wrong with my attitude toward women? How does it need to change? I am being serious.

XxAxX said:

I know what's wrong and I have tried calling. I am getting ignored right now.

Spats said:

So this about your not joining her and her friends the other night...so...what did you do instead?? Is there something you're neglecting to mention??

Spats said:

You're actually ASKING us this?

All right.

Approach her from a stance of vulnerability. Admit that you're not comfortable with the "couple" thing, that it's not your thing, for whatever reason. You still like her enough and would like to hang out, if she cares to do so.


It might not work though at this point, because she wants certain things too. If she's not giving you sacktime, she's probably interested in building trust and a relationship, so ask yourself...is this the right girl for you?

Spats said:

So this about your not joining her and her friends the other night...so...what did you do instead?? Is there something you're neglecting to mention??

you don't make the first move because it opens you up to rejection
you don't want to appear interested because it opens you up to rejection
you won't meet friends of hers because it opens you up to rejection
hell at this rate i am surprised you would even consider dropping your pants because... you guessed it, that would open you up to rejection

trust me, insecurity doesn't wear well on a man

i almost feel bad for you because someone - a parent or an authority figure - must have messed you about really bad. either that or this is the alter account of all alters.

call her, don't call her... but at least reflect on the reasons why you fucked this up.

What i need is a modern woman. A freespirit. Who is not into the traditional rules of dating. Who has updated views on everything. Who is not stuck in the past. Who is not a sissy when it comes to all the romantic crap. It appears there are not many of those.

Spats said:

You're actually ASKING us this?

All right.

Approach her from a stance of vulnerability. Admit that you're not comfortable with the "couple" thing, that it's not your thing, for whatever reason. You still like her enough and would like to hang out, if she cares to do so.


It might not work though at this point, because she wants certain things too. If she's not giving you sacktime, she's probably interested in building trust and a relationship, so ask yourself...is this the right girl for you?

heartbeatocean said:

Thanks for the advice. That's what i was looking for. Instead i got jokes and insults. I don't think she will go for that approach though. She is a woman after all. Women love to do "couple" things.

What i need is a modern woman. A freespirit. Who is not into the traditional rules of dating. Who has updated views on everything. Who is not stuck in the past. Who is not a sissy when it comes to all the romantic crap. It appears there are not many of those.
[Edited 9/27/06 21:19pm]

heartbeatocean said:

Thanks for the advice. That's what i was looking for. Instead i got jokes and insults. I don't think she will go for that approach though. She is a woman after all. Women love to do "couple" things.

What i need is a modern woman. A freespirit. Who is not into the traditional rules of dating. Who has updated views on everything. Who is not stuck in the past. Who is not a sissy when it comes to all the romantic crap. It appears there are not many of those.
[Edited 9/27/06 21:19pm]

heartbeatocean said:

You're forgetting a very important factor here. SHE'S blowing HIM off. Coming up with any BS at this point will be irrevocable. Adding fuel to the fire.
Not to mention, it's a "saving one's dignity" approach, from my perspective.

1.Not into the "couple thing", but want to "hang out", ie SCREW....Can ya make it more obvious??? Unless you mention PLATONIC friendship...define the terms.

2.She's already given up on the "trust" issue.....all he wants is to screw her..and she just realized it. USED comes to mind. Trust just seems a little past tense here. Moving on is logical.

3. She's already asked herself; is this the right guy for me? Let me think, NO.

Are you really trying to help Spats?? OK....I'm going to assume you're being funny and I misread it all.

Never heard...I miss her.... she's a good friend.....I really care about her and need to see her... and smell her scent,..hold her hand, touch her face..NOOOO Romance is out, and fucking is out too.

On the other hand...
Haven't read the response to what you were doing instead of going out with her and her friends which PO'd her in the 1st place. How long have you 2 known each other? If she's needy and has to have you at her side all the time....no amt. of sack time is worth the insecurity of clinginess. That's a form of control you don't need.
[Edited 9/27/06 21:43pm]

Seriously.
Have you been caught in public places with other females? which got back to her?? You seem to have a woman scorned on your hands. They're pretty cold, deservedly so.
[Edited 9/27/06 21:55pm]

Spats said:

Do u want to be in a relationship or just have a sex buddy?

Sounds like Spats is the one with a case of the 'Tell-me-what-I-want-to-hear's.

Could it be he's posing as vulnerable, and the whole thing is a farce.....would Spats do that????? let me think, yes.

heartbeatocean said:

You're forgetting a very important factor here. SHE'S blowing HIM off. Coming up with any BS at this point will be irrevocable. Adding fuel to the fire.
Not to mention, it's a "saving one's dignity" approach, from my perspective.

1.Not into the "couple thing", but want to "hang out", ie SCREW....Can ya make it more obvious??? Unless you mention PLATONIC friendship...define the terms.

2.She's already given up on the "trust" issue.....all he wants is to screw her..and she just realized it. USED comes to mind. Trust just seems a little past tense here. Moving on is logical.

3. She's already asked herself; is this the right guy for me? Let me think, NO.

Are you really trying to help Spats?? OK....I'm going to assume you're being funny and I misread it all.

Never heard...I miss her.... she's a good friend.....I really care about her and need to see her... and smell her scent,..hold her hand, touch her face..NOOOO Romance is out, and fucking is out too.

On the other hand...
Haven't read the response to what you were doing instead of going out with her and her friends which PO'd her in the 1st place. How long have you 2 known each other? If she's needy and has to have you at her side all the time....no amt. of sack time is worth the insecurity of clinginess. That's a form of control you don't need.
[Edited 9/27/06 21:43pm]

Seriously.
Have you been caught in public places with other females? which got back to her?? You seem to have a woman scorned on your hands. They're pretty cold, deservedly so.
[Edited 9/27/06 21:55pm]

Ok, I'll play this game some more.

Sounds like Spats is the one with a case of the 'Tell-me-what-I-want-to-hear's.

So you think people telling you to take your own advice is an insult?



If someone were to ask Spats what they should do, he would give them a response like this, "Forget her, don't play by her rules, don't give in and call her but also don't sit back and wait around, don't be a sissy boy. Women are like subways, another one always comes along."




Spatz for prez!

Spats said:

If you enjoy the "sacktime" with a particular woman then sometimes its worth it to give in to the romance stuff. Alot of women dont need a whole crazy display of stuff but its nice to feel like someone cares, especially the person they're sleeping with. Im sure she doesnt expect you to be with her and her friends all the time but the fact that she really wanted you there in the first place means she thinks more of you than some fuck friend and you should give her the same respect if she is the babe that you speak of. You have to give a little to get a little in a relationship even if its not a "serious" one. If you make her feel like she is only worth "sacktime" with you then a woman who has any standards and respect for herself will act exactly the way she is right now, the thing you have to decide is how much you like her and if you like her you have to be willing to "drop the gloves" and become more open to her feelings in the relationship and do some things for her instead of always thinking about yourself.

Spats, there's also the likelihood that -- whether true or not -- she finds your behavior immature.

When women reach a certain age, they (the good ones, at least) tire of playing games and jumping through hoops -- especially when it seems the person in question doesn't seem worth going through changes.

And, your: "I'm not insecure. I just like to avoid rejection," position doesn't exactly ring true. Instead, it sounds like denial.

And, if that's the case, maybe it's good for you to be "in a relationship" with a woman who makes you confront your comfort zone. That's all part of growing up.

Spats said:

UGH! Why do I even bother with this crap? Your the one who is full of the crap, Spats. It's really offensive when you lump and generalize all women together. I'm sorry I gave you any advice at all, because I just end up getting offended as usual.

PurpleThunder said:

Thanks for the advice.

I have taken her out to dinner and to the movies and to harbourfront. Stuff like that. I like her a lot but i am not a romantic person. i cringe when it comes to stuff like that. I feel silly and stupid when i have done it. it's not really me.

xplnyrslf said:

I'm not stupid and why the fuck I enter this conversation to receive lectures is beyond me. I'm addressing Spats on his own terms, because perhaps by chance in one million years if he has enough conversations with women who take him seriously he will realize we are far more complex beings than he is capable of surmising at the moment. I implied that it is probably too late to bag the chick, and you know what? I couldn't care less.

heartbeatocean said:

Complex or confusing?

I'll admit that i can be immature at times.

I don't think it's insecurity. I have been on the dating scene for quite awhile and faced my share of rejection early on and just had had enough of it. Then decided to change things up and let them make the moves and it worked. I don't see what's wrong with that.

heartbeatocean said:

Thanks for the advice. That's what i was looking for. Instead i got jokes and insults. I don't think she will go for that approach though. She is a woman after all. Women love to do "couple" things.

What i need is a modern woman. A freespirit. Who is not into the traditional rules of dating. Who has updated views on everything. Who is not stuck in the past. Who is not a sissy when it comes to all the romantic crap. It appears there are not many of those.
[Edited 9/27/06 21:19pm]

ThreadCula said:

I think i want a pretty girl who i can hang around with and do stuff with and be friends with and have sacktime with. But not have to do the romantic crap and dating routine and everything that goes with that.

Spats said:

Well, it appears you expect -- or, at least, want -- a certain sort of behavior that you're not likely to get through your approach. It's not a progressive approach. It stalls and forces abandonment by either you or the woman in question.

It's like hitting an egg with a hammer when you're hungry: The hammer cracked the egg easily, but don't expect it to cook your egg like a stove would.

Spats said:

This kind of remarks are exactly what I meant!
I think you are looking in the wrong places, there are loads of women with free spirits. But people need respect, trust and openness from others, even if they're not interested in commitment to a long lasting relationship.