Ok there has been an ongoing dispute/fued/whatevayawannacallit with two people very very close to me... it's been going for 8 years now and both parties are VERY stubborn men (one of them in particular)

however, I know (and one other person close to the situation also) that they both love and miss each other very much and way more than they're willing to admit (well, actually, one of them probably would admit it)

it keeps coming up in conversation seperately and I'm stuck in the middle... one of them last night said he wants me to get involved, basically, but then seemed to change his mind but was very halfhearted about it...

for 8 years now I have dearly wanted to "get involved" but have said to both of them it needs to be THEM resolving it... nothing will get resolved though because they're both being bloody stubborn and have no idea how much they care about each other



I so want to try and resolve this though

Natisse said:

Just tell both of them are wankers and should grow up.

DON'T get involved. It will bit you in the arse.

HamsterHuey said:

don't agree that they're wankers... but I do agree it will come back to haunt me. you're right

Natisse said:

Something they need to sort out. Plus tell them that are silly

ellieadore said:

you know what I'm talking about... and you're right it's something they need to sort out. it's just 8 freakin' years you know? and the part that REALLY drives me insane is that they care about each other so much but they don't even know it!

crazy

Natisse said:

They are wankers if they are too proud to resolve their problems.

Maybe just send them the link to this thread.

LOL

At a certain point in life people should grow up and relaise that what kept them apart for so long is not worth the joy of being together.

HamsterHuey said:

they're really not wankers Herman either of them... two of the closest of people to me. again, I agree with you though that the joy of being together should be above it all. my problem is getting them to see it that way too

I think Herman's right Natisse. (Not the wanker bit, though ).

Are these two people grown men? I'm not sure if they're friends/family/whatever but - as much heartbreak as it may cause you - I'd personally step outside of the dispute. Let them resolve it themselves. As long as they individually know how you feel about them, they shouldn't really bring you into it. That's putting a lot of (unfair) weight on your shoulders.

It's horrible seeing two people you love at each other's throats but - if they're adults - they make their own decisions. And live with the consequences. You shouldn't have to be the person that brings them together.

Sorry to hear this is upsetting you, Nat. I hope you're okay.

onenitealone said:

yes they're both grown men... two very close family members I've resisted for 8 years now to be in the middle but the more time goes on the more everyone is upset by it (it's not spoken of, but it's still always present) I was actually asked last night to get involved, as I said, but I said no initially...

It's upsetting me no more than it normally does... it's just that it's becoming more and more in the forefront and I can see them getting more and more upset by it as time goes on.



I should leave it be I guess, still...

Natisse said:

I dunno, Nat. If *you* feel that your presence will help this situation - and ultimately bring them both together - then only you can do what you feel is right. But if it's going to bring you heartbreak and misery, then they're imposing *their* dispute on to you. And that's not fair. I'd go with your gut instinct, really.

Of course, I am in exactly the same position with my mother/father as you know, so I may be a bit of a hypocrite here.

I just think it's unfair to drag you into the situation. Even if you are family. You have your own life to lead and, as adults, they have to live with the consequences of their own actions. Not bring other family members into their dispute.

It's a toughie, Nat. If you need to chat, please don't hesitate to contact me.

onenitealone said:

Like you said, you are already in the middle of it all.

I'd be willing to bet that they each speak to you on this topic because they see you as a link to the other. If they have told you that they care about the other, but can't tell them in person, I don't see that it would be any betrayal on your part to tell each of them that, and how much their stubborness is hurting each of them.

Stubborn people usually have alot of pride.
If you can can convince them to work things out in a matter that appeals to that pride - things should start working themselves out. 8 years is a long time tho, it will take take awhile.

MuaPetahl said:

hey Mua I remember you from old NPG days ...thank you for the advice I agree with you

time will tell I guess...

Why let it bother you so much NAt? It will sort itself out. Continue to support them both in your freiendship but if they bring up this particular issue just tell them you are sick of hearing about it.

PREDOMINANT said:

thanks...

I guess I should now point out that it's my Brother and our Stepdad I'm talking about so it's not like I can kinda go "oh well see ya later" lol

time will tell what happens

Natisse said:

Then you should be frank, tell them tpo sort it out or stop dragging you into it cus it's not fair.

PREDOMINANT said:

again, you're right...

Natisse said:

Welcome

From the tiny bit you just shared ...

remember this

that all things are as they should be for the reason they should be

we dont have to like it or enjoy it OR even understand it

i do not see it as your place to mend something 2 others have created and continue to keep their energy stuck within their creation

in the process they are also aiding you to be stuck by your choice in the middle

Mach said:

I was really hoping you would see this thank you... thats something that I have always had in the back of my mind regarding it all - that it's all happened for a reason. and I can see my Mum nodding her head lol going "yes that's right"

I think the best thing would be to let it run it's natural course and let time tell what will be...

thank you again beautiful Goddess

As much as you want to help Nat, it's on them. You can maybe give them your advice seperately, but other than that, it's up to them to put aside whatever it is and realize life is too short to act the way they are.

jerseykrs said:

thanks Jers