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PrintableBobGeorge67 said: applekisses said: He died exactly nine years and 1 hour and 18 minutes ago. I can't believe it's been that long. In some ways it seems like yesterday...but in other it seems like it was 50 years ago.
I'm going to the cemetary tomorrow. Do any of you have any rituals to remember your loved ones on these days? [Edited 9/8/06 12:23pm] Apples, and everyone else who has experienced a loss, 
This past May marked 28 years since my father passed away. While the pain lessens over time, it never truly goes away. I was 10 years old. What I wouldn't give to have had the opportunity to forge an adult relationship with him. It is my memories of him that have made me the husband, father and man that I am today. My dad... 
   Thank you for sharing your dad and your loss with us  | |
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WillyWonka said: applekisses said: Thanks for sharing that story, Dan. Love you... 
My dad and I had some rough times a few years before he passed away...he was sick and miserable and had become someone I didn't recognize...but, a few weeks before he died his medications were changed and he was feeling much better...and it was almost like a miracle...he has become my dad again...sweet, gentle, funny, loving...we connected in ways we hadn't in quite a while...and then he contracted Legionaire's Disease...and he suffered horribly in a hospital bed for nine days...drowning in his own mucus...he didn't want to go...and then he died...we were all there with him...it was like a nightmare...I couldn't function for months...his death broke my mother's heart...we nearly lost her too...my brother and sisters were devistated...angry...it was a horrible time...but, nine years later...here we all are...still together...and still honoring the man who not only gave us life, but that was such a huge influence in all of our lives...we try to keep him alive as much as we can...telling the younger family members about him...talking about our memories...I sometimes still can't believe he's gone...he was an incredible person... I've hugged you on this thread already but would like to again.
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PurpleThunder said: Thinkin of you Andrea! Thanks, sweetie | |
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Wow! My heart to all those that have lost a loved one... I cannot imagine....
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He's not gone as long as his memory continues on in your heart. No More Haters on the Internet. | |
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Every thought and memory you have of him keeps him alive, not just for you but for others as well...peace and comfort for you, hun.  | |
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Be strong sweety!!!! I lost my mom 12 years ago and, like you, it feels like yesterday.
We had to fight to be able to put a carving of a SLOT MACHINE (like the ones in Las Vegas). My mom loved to play the quarter machines. The only ritual I have is that when I go visit her at the cemetary I put a quarter on the carving of the slot. xxoo M [Edited 9/9/06 1:18am] MyeternalgrattitudetoPhil&Val.Herman said "We want sweaty truckers at the truck stop! We want cigar puffing men that look like they wanna beat the living daylights out of us" Val"sporking is spooning with benefits" | |
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applekisses said: Imago said: My pops and I did not get along in life.
I did not speak to him the last 6 or so years of his life. I don't think I ever truly loved him as a son should, nor he me. I believe it was 1998 when he passed away, Dec 6th I think. I was estranged from him, and at that time, my mother as well. I had not spoken a word to her in about 2 years, I believe becuase of the fact I felt she had sided with him. I had come stumbling to my dormroom at about 4 am in the morning back from a night at the club, 2 hours after he passed away from a massive heart attack. My answering machine indicated that there was a message for me, and since I was with all my friends that night, I knew it wasn't any of them who had called while I was gone. So I played the message and it was my sister's voice: "Dan, dad's dead. Call mom". I called her very late at night and all she could say was "Your fathers dead. Come home." "ok, " I responded, "I'll book the flight". This kind of news isn't exactly what you want to hear when you're still tanked up on ecstacy. I arrived roughly 8 hours later after talked to my Flight commander and Shop chief that I needed to take a leave of absense. It was all odd to me. He was already dead to me for the past 6 years, so when he was truly dead, I had no emotion. I was the one chosen to bury him, I was the one who went through all of his materials at the house and cleaned the filthy pigsty that had become his and my mother's home. I was even the one to go through all his personal belonging throwing away all the things I knew my mother would have no use for. But it was all clinical. No emotion. No attachment. About 3 years past before I came to terms of any type with him. One year, I flew up there for thanksgiving. While my mother was preparing the turkey for her other guests, I drove the cemetary out in the boondocks where he was buried. I searched for his tombstone. It was very difficult to find as his tomstone was a small one, not adorned, nor sticking out from the ground. It was a small epitath on the ground facing upwards, and that was all. When I finally came upon it and read his name, I fell to the ground and burst into sobbing unlike any I had felt in all my life. I'm not sure what the sobbing was about. Regret, mostly I'm sure. I had no fantasies of "doing it all over again the right way" as he neither had the strength nor inclination to pursue such a relationship. Nor was I angry at him. I simply sobbed out of regret. So, though I do not visit my mom regulary in the winter, whenever I do make it out to her place, I buy some flowers and place it at his tombstone. If nothing else, to remind me that I should be thankful for those that I know now who are still living. 
. [Edited 9/8/06 17:55pm] Thanks for sharing that story, Dan. Love you... ...
My dad and I had some rough times a few years before he passed away...he was sick and miserable and had become someone I didn't recognize...but, a few weeks before he died his medications were changed and he was feeling much better...and it was almost like a miracle...he has become my dad again...sweet, gentle, funny, loving...we connected in ways we hadn't in quite a while...and then he contracted Legionaire's Disease...and he suffered horribly in a hospital bed for nine days...drowning in his own mucus...he didn't want to go...and then he died...we were all there with him...it was like a nightmare...I couldn't function for months...his death broke my mother's heart...we nearly lost her too...my brother and sisters were devistated...angry...it was a horrible time...but, nine years later...here we all are...still together...and still honoring the man who not only gave us life, but that was such a huge influence in all of our lives...we try to keep him alive as much as we can...telling the younger family members about him...talking about our memories...I sometimes still can't believe he's gone...he was an incredible person... I so can relate. My aunt was very depressive after her first heart attack, in fact she had been before, but afterwards it was a lot worse, but just weeks before she died of another heart attack, they changed her medication and she was like reborn somehow. It was like I had gotten her back as she hadn't been herself for 4 years. Also my dad changed a lot in the last years when he was suffering a lot. It hurt a lot when he was unfair or harsh in a way I had never excperienced hom before. Of course I knew it was because of the circumstances, but it still was very difficult to deal with  .
The day before yesterday my mom was taken to hospital, I feel so releived as she was feeling better when I was visiting her yesterday, it had felt like the beginning of a nightmare starting all over again .... With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A.... | |
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IrresistibleB1tch said:
my father's grave is long gone (silly germans, dig you under after 25 years), but i do remember him on his birthday and other occasions. we had a strained relationship, but i've made my peace with him. I hope I can when he's dead for 25 years or more  | |
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applekisses said: For my Daddy...Ernest Janos...I miss you...
Back when I was a child Before life removed all the innocence My father would lift me high And dance with my mother and me and then Spin me around 'till I fell asleep And up the stairs he would carry me And I knew for sure, I was loved If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him I'd play a song the would never, ever end How I'd love, love, love, to dance with my father, again Oooooh When I and my mother would disagree To get my way I would run from her to him He'd make me laugh just to comfort me Yeah yeah, then finally make me do just what my mama said Later that night when I fell asleep He left a dollar under my sheet Never dreamed that he, would be gone from me If I could steal, one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him I'd play a song that would never, ever end 'Cause I'd love, love, love, to dance with my father, again Sometimes I'd listen outside her door And I'd hear how mama would cry for him I prayed for her even more than me I prayed for her even more than me I know I'm praying for much too much But could you send the only man she loved I know you don't do it usually But dear lord she's dying to dance with my father again Every night I fall asleep And this is all I ever dream [Edited 9/8/06 12:59pm] That brought me in tears
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Imago said: My pops and I did not get along in life.
I did not speak to him the last 6 or so years of his life. I don't think I ever truly loved him as a son should, nor he me. I believe it was 1998 when he passed away, Dec 6th I think. I was estranged from him, and at that time, my mother as well. I had not spoken a word to her in about 2 years, I believe becuase of the fact I felt she had sided with him. I had come stumbling to my dormroom at about 4 am in the morning back from a night at the club, 2 hours after he passed away from a massive heart attack. My answering machine indicated that there was a message for me, and since I was with all my friends that night, I knew it wasn't any of them who had called while I was gone. So I played the message and it was my sister's voice: "Dan, dad's dead. Call mom". I called her very late at night and all she could say was "Your fathers dead. Come home." "ok, " I responded, "I'll book the flight". This kind of news isn't exactly what you want to hear when you're still tanked up on ecstacy. I arrived roughly 8 hours later after talked to my Flight commander and Shop chief that I needed to take a leave of absense. It was all odd to me. He was already dead to me for the past 6 years, so when he was truly dead, I had no emotion. I was the one chosen to bury him, I was the one who went through all of his materials at the house and cleaned the filthy pigsty that had become his and my mother's home. I was even the one to go through all his personal belonging throwing away all the things I knew my mother would have no use for. But it was all clinical. No emotion. No attachment. About 3 years past before I came to terms of any type with him. One year, I flew up there for thanksgiving. While my mother was preparing the turkey for her other guests, I drove the cemetary out in the boondocks where he was buried. I searched for his tombstone. It was very difficult to find as his tomstone was a small one, not adorned, nor sticking out from the ground. It was a small epitath on the ground facing upwards, and that was all. When I finally came upon it and read his name, I fell to the ground and burst into sobbing unlike any I had felt in all my life. I'm not sure what the sobbing was about. Regret, mostly I'm sure. I had no fantasies of "doing it all over again the right way" as he neither had the strength nor inclination to pursue such a relationship. Nor was I angry at him. I simply sobbed out of regret. So, though I do not visit my mom regulary in the winter, whenever I do make it out to her place, I buy some flowers and place it at his tombstone. If nothing else, to remind me that I should be thankful for those that I know now who are still living.
Would you see him if he was still alive today, knowing what you know now, feeling what you feel now? I'm trying to accept him and see him as my mothers husband, but I just can't seem to do that. I feel that I'm also getting estranged from my mother because of this.  | |
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sextonseven said: No one close to me has passed away yet. Stay strong sweetie.
God bless you. Consider yourself truely blessed! | |
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My dad's birthday is September 12th. He died in 1982. I was just a baby. He would be 45 on Tuesday. | |
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Apples, I can't imagine the loss of a parent. I am very blessed that both of my parents are still alive.
's To you!
My dear grandmother passed away one year ago on June 22, 2005. Her health was deteriorating and we knew she would pass soon, but I happened to stop by to see her right as she passed. I watched her breathe her very last breaths and feel blessed to have witnessed her leaving this existence. She was in a nursing home when she passed. She required 24/7 attendence and medical attention. The nursing home is on the way to my daughter's school so I pass it daily and think of her. She is still very much in my day to day thoughts. "Oh Two would like that...or that use to drive Two crazy..." ("Two" was part of a nickname for her) My father is still struggling with her loss. I have found it's best not to bring it up, but if he brings it up discuss it, with caution, so my own rituals are my own. I have a shelf in my livingroom where some of her collectibles are and pictures of her. I have some of her things that have a very special place in my home. So she is still with me....always.
[Edited 9/10/06 10:12am] [Edited 9/10/06 10:13am] I'm firmly planted in denial |
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Serious said: applekisses said: Thanks for sharing that story, Dan. Love you... ...
My dad and I had some rough times a few years before he passed away...he was sick and miserable and had become someone I didn't recognize...but, a few weeks before he died his medications were changed and he was feeling much better...and it was almost like a miracle...he has become my dad again...sweet, gentle, funny, loving...we connected in ways we hadn't in quite a while...and then he contracted Legionaire's Disease...and he suffered horribly in a hospital bed for nine days...drowning in his own mucus...he didn't want to go...and then he died...we were all there with him...it was like a nightmare...I couldn't function for months...his death broke my mother's heart...we nearly lost her too...my brother and sisters were devistated...angry...it was a horrible time...but, nine years later...here we all are...still together...and still honoring the man who not only gave us life, but that was such a huge influence in all of our lives...we try to keep him alive as much as we can...telling the younger family members about him...talking about our memories...I sometimes still can't believe he's gone...he was an incredible person... I so can relate. My aunt was very depressive after her first heart attack, in fact she had been before, but afterwards it was a lot worse, but just weeks before she died of another heart attack, they changed her medication and she was like reborn somehow. It was like I had gotten her back as she hadn't been herself for 4 years. Also my dad changed a lot in the last years when he was suffering a lot. It hurt a lot when he was unfair or harsh in a way I had never excperienced hom before. Of course I knew it was because of the circumstances, but it still was very difficult to deal with .
The day before yesterday my mom was taken to hospital, I feel so releived as she was feeling better when I was visiting her yesterday, it had felt like the beginning of a nightmare starting all over again .... <--- I wish this hug could be bigger than it is...
It always scares me when my mom gets sick too...she has a chronic lung disease that sometimes results in pneumonia and she ends up in the hospital. I know what you're going through, hon. If you ever want to talk, orgnote me ok? | |
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Thanks to all of you for your love and support...and for those of you who are sharing your own stories...that helps all of us | |
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This is a very nice thread.  RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you. | |
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applekisses said: Serious said: I so can relate. My aunt was very depressive after her first heart attack, in fact she had been before, but afterwards it was a lot worse, but just weeks before she died of another heart attack, they changed her medication and she was like reborn somehow. It was like I had gotten her back as she hadn't been herself for 4 years. Also my dad changed a lot in the last years when he was suffering a lot. It hurt a lot when he was unfair or harsh in a way I had never excperienced hom before. Of course I knew it was because of the circumstances, but it still was very difficult to deal with .
The day before yesterday my mom was taken to hospital, I feel so releived as she was feeling better when I was visiting her yesterday, it had felt like the beginning of a nightmare starting all over again .... <--- I wish this hug could be bigger than it is...
It always scares me when my mom gets sick too...she has a chronic lung disease that sometimes results in pneumonia and she ends up in the hospital. I know what you're going through, hon. If you ever want to talk, orgnote me ok?  Thank you
Orgnote is coming  With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A.... | |
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applekisses.. half of your daddy made you and I mean it when I can say you are a beautiful person inside and out.. so I thank your dad for bringing you into this world, that enough is precious and a wonderful valuable memory of him.
I am really sad for you that he has passed away, but may each year be less painful and bring forth more happy memories to you
I am sure he is watching over you, and happy how special and precious you are in this world 
(I dont mean this to sound corny, cos I mean it from the bottom of my heart) [Edited 9/10/06 12:07pm] | |
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REDFEATHERS said: applekisses.. half of your daddy made you and I mean it when I can say you are a beautiful person inside and out.. so I thank your dad for bringing you into this world, that enough is precious and a wonderful valuable memory of him.
I am really sad for you that he has passed away, but may each year be less painful and bring forth more happy memories to you
I am sure he is watching over you, and happy how special and precious you are in this world
(I dont mean this to sound corny, cos I mean it from the bottom of my heart)
[Edited 9/10/06 12:07pm] Oh Red... thanks, baby... You're making me tear up here...and it doesn't sound corny...I know you don't get sentimental often here and to see this coming from you, I know it's sincere and it means the world to me. Thank you, beautiful. | |
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applekisses said: He died exactly nine years and 1 hour and 18 minutes ago. I can't believe it's been that long. In some ways it seems like yesterday...but in other it seems like it was 50 years ago.
I'm going to the cemetary tomorrow. Do any of you have any rituals to remember your loved ones on these days? [Edited 9/8/06 12:23pm] My father died about 7 years ago now. The only way I cope is by not thinking about it...but then I feel guilty because my memories fade. Bah! I wish you well, its tough, I know. "Don't hate me cos I'm beautiful" | |
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SDNafka said: applekisses said: He died exactly nine years and 1 hour and 18 minutes ago. I can't believe it's been that long. In some ways it seems like yesterday...but in other it seems like it was 50 years ago.
I'm going to the cemetary tomorrow. Do any of you have any rituals to remember your loved ones on these days? [Edited 9/8/06 12:23pm] My father died about 7 years ago now. The only way I cope is by not thinking about it...but then I feel guilty because my memories fade. Bah! I wish you well, its tough, I know.
I very much can relate With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A.... | |
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applekisses said: He died exactly nine years and 1 hour and 18 minutes ago. I can't believe it's been that long. In some ways it seems like yesterday...but in other it seems like it was 50 years ago.
I'm going to the cemetary tomorrow. Do any of you have any rituals to remember your loved ones on these days? [Edited 9/8/06 12:23pm] My father recently died. Visiting his grave and 'talking' to him is what consoles me the most right now. My brothers and I like to talk about his jokes and the positive memories. And I'm reading books about mourning, they're a great help too (Kubler-Ross). | |
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isadora said: applekisses said: He died exactly nine years and 1 hour and 18 minutes ago. I can't believe it's been that long. In some ways it seems like yesterday...but in other it seems like it was 50 years ago.
I'm going to the cemetary tomorrow. Do any of you have any rituals to remember your loved ones on these days? [Edited 9/8/06 12:23pm] My father recently died. Visiting his grave and 'talking' to him is what consoles me the most right now. My brothers and I like to talk about his jokes and the positive memories. And I'm reading books about mourning, they're a great help too (Kubler-Ross). I read some great books on how adults can deal with the loss of a parent...they really did help. I'm sorry for your pain and your loss, sweetie. Time will heal you. | |
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