applekisses said:

Me too, about my dad and my aunt who raised me like a mother.

TMPletz said:

I have those dreams too.

applekisses said:

It wasn't too long after he died that I had a dream where I was at this large building and found my dad walking around just outside it. I realized in my dream that he had already passed away, and found out that I was actually with him in the afterlife. We had a brief conversation of which I can't remember most of it other than he told me I could have his radar detector (for speeding) since he didn't need it anymore, to which we both laughed...and then I woke up.

He died exactly nine years and 1 hour and 18 minutes ago. I can't believe it's been that long. In some ways it seems like yesterday...but in other it seems like it was 50 years ago.
I'm going to the cemetary tomorrow. Do any of you have any rituals to remember your loved ones on these days?
[Edited 9/8/06 12:23pm]

applekisses said:

Mine will be in November.

applekisses said:

Mine will be in November.

kidelrich said:

How many years?

applekisses said:

One.

I will respond in orgnote tonight.

kidelrich said:

Oh sweetie... That's a hard year... I'm sorry. I know people probably have told you this, but it's true...things get easier as time goes on...the pain is less intense, but you won't stop missing him.

He died exactly nine years and 1 hour and 18 minutes ago. I can't believe it's been that long. In some ways it seems like yesterday...but in other it seems like it was 50 years ago.
I'm going to the cemetary tomorrow. Do any of you have any rituals to remember your loved ones on these days?
[Edited 9/8/06 12:23pm]

For my Daddy...Ernest Janos...I miss you...


Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'till I fell asleep
And up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure, I was loved

If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song the would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love, to dance with my father, again

Oooooh

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Yeah yeah, then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I fell asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he, would be gone from me

If I could steal, one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love, to dance with my father, again

Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how mama would cry for him
I prayed for her even more than me
I prayed for her even more than me

I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear lord she's dying to dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream
[Edited 9/8/06 12:59pm]

applekisses said:

That song is perfect, Apples.

psychodelicide said:

That's mine and my sister Val's song for our dad. Plus, we both love Luther and miss him too...so it's even more fitting.

My pops and I did not get along in life.
I did not speak to him the last 6 or so years of his life. I don't think I ever truly loved him as a son should, nor he me.

I believe it was 1998 when he passed away, Dec 6th I think.
I was estranged from him, and at that time, my mother as well. I had not spoken a word to her in about 2 years, I believe becuase of the fact I felt she had sided with him.

I had come stumbling to my dormroom at about 4 am in the morning back from a night at the club, 2 hours after he passed away from a massive heart attack. My answering machine indicated that there was a message for me, and since I was with all my friends that night, I knew it wasn't any of them who had called while I was gone. So I played the message and it was my sister's voice: "Dan, dad's dead. Call mom". I called her very late at night and all she could say was "Your fathers dead. Come home."
"ok, " I responded, "I'll book the flight".
This kind of news isn't exactly what you want to hear when you're still tanked up on ecstacy.

I arrived roughly 8 hours later after talked to my Flight commander and Shop chief that I needed to take a leave of absense.

It was all odd to me. He was already dead to me for the past 6 years, so when he was truly dead, I had no emotion. I was the one chosen to bury him, I was the one who went through all of his materials at the house and cleaned the filthy pigsty that had become his and my mother's home. I was even the one to go through all his personal belonging throwing away all the things I knew my mother would have no use for.

But it was all clinical. No emotion. No attachment.

About 3 years past before I came to terms of any type with him. One year, I flew up there for thanksgiving. While my mother was preparing the turkey for her other guests, I drove the cemetary out in the boondocks where he was buried. I searched for his tombstone. It was very difficult to find as his tomstone was a small one, not adorned, nor sticking out from the ground. It was a small epitath on the ground facing upwards, and that was all.
When I finally came upon it and read his name, I fell to the ground and burst into sobbing unlike any I had felt in all my life. I'm not sure what the sobbing was about. Regret, mostly I'm sure. I had no fantasies of "doing it all over again the right way" as he neither had the strength nor inclination to pursue such a relationship. Nor was I angry at him. I simply sobbed out of regret.

So, though I do not visit my mom regulary in the winter, whenever I do make it out to her place, I buy some flowers and place it at his tombstone. If nothing else, to remind me that I should be thankful for those that I know now who are still living.

.
[Edited 9/8/06 17:55pm]

My pops and I did not get along in life.
I did not speak to him the last 6 or so years of his life. I don't think I ever truly loved him as a son should, nor he me.

I believe it was 1998 when he passed away, Dec 6th I think.
I was estranged from him, and at that time, my mother as well. I had not spoken a word to her in about 2 years, I believe becuase of the fact I felt she had sided with him.

I had come stumbling to my dormroom at about 4 am in the morning back from a night at the club, 2 hours after he passed away from a massive heart attack. My answering machine indicated that there was a message for me, and since I was with all my friends that night, I knew it wasn't any of them who had called while I was gone. So I played the message and it was my sister's voice: "Dan, dad's dead. Call mom". I called her very late at night and all she could say was "Your fathers dead. Come home."
"ok, " I responded, "I'll book the flight".
This kind of news isn't exactly what you want to hear when you're still tanked up on ecstacy.

I arrived roughly 8 hours later after talked to my Flight commander and Shop chief that I needed to take a leave of absense.

It was all odd to me. He was already dead to me for the past 6 years, so when he was truly dead, I had no emotion. I was the one chosen to bury him, I was the one who went through all of his materials at the house and cleaned the filthy pigsty that had become his and my mother's home. I was even the one to go through all his personal belonging throwing away all the things I knew my mother would have no use for.

But it was all clinical. No emotion. No attachment.

About 3 years past before I came to terms of any type with him. One year, I flew up there for thanksgiving. While my mother was preparing the turkey for her other guests, I drove the cemetary out in the boondocks where he was buried. I searched for his tombstone. It was very difficult to find as his tomstone was a small one, not adorned, nor sticking out from the ground. It was a small epitath on the ground facing upwards, and that was all.
When I finally came upon it and read his name, I fell to the ground and burst into sobbing unlike any I had felt in all my life. I'm not sure what the sobbing was about. Regret, mostly I'm sure. I had no fantasies of "doing it all over again the right way" as he neither had the strength nor inclination to pursue such a relationship. Nor was I angry at him. I simply sobbed out of regret.

So, though I do not visit my mom regulary in the winter, whenever I do make it out to her place, I buy some flowers and place it at his tombstone. If nothing else, to remind me that I should be thankful for those that I know now who are still living.

.
[Edited 9/8/06 17:55pm]

Imago said:

Thanks for sharing that story, Dan. Love you...
My dad and I had some rough times a few years before he passed away...he was sick and miserable and had become someone I didn't recognize...but, a few weeks before he died his medications were changed and he was feeling much better...and it was almost like a miracle...he has become my dad again...sweet, gentle, funny, loving...we connected in ways we hadn't in quite a while...and then he contracted Legionaire's Disease...and he suffered horribly in a hospital bed for nine days...drowning in his own mucus...he didn't want to go...and then he died...we were all there with him...it was like a nightmare...I couldn't function for months...his death broke my mother's heart...we nearly lost her too...my brother and sisters were devistated...angry...it was a horrible time...but, nine years later...here we all are...still together...and still honoring the man who not only gave us life, but that was such a huge influence in all of our lives...we try to keep him alive as much as we can...telling the younger family members about him...talking about our memories...I sometimes still can't believe he's gone...he was an incredible person...

Imago said:

Thanks for sharing that story, Dan. Love you...
My dad and I had some rough times a few years before he passed away...he was sick and miserable and had become someone I didn't recognize...but, a few weeks before he died his medications were changed and he was feeling much better...and it was almost like a miracle...he has become my dad again...sweet, gentle, funny, loving...we connected in ways we hadn't in quite a while...and then he contracted Legionaire's Disease...and he suffered horribly in a hospital bed for nine days...drowning in his own mucus...he didn't want to go...and then he died...we were all there with him...it was like a nightmare...I couldn't function for months...his death broke my mother's heart...we nearly lost her too...my brother and sisters were devistated...angry...it was a horrible time...but, nine years later...here we all are...still together...and still honoring the man who not only gave us life, but that was such a huge influence in all of our lives...we try to keep him alive as much as we can...telling the younger family members about him...talking about our memories...I sometimes still can't believe he's gone...he was an incredible person...

He died exactly nine years and 1 hour and 18 minutes ago. I can't believe it's been that long. In some ways it seems like yesterday...but in other it seems like it was 50 years ago.
I'm going to the cemetary tomorrow. Do any of you have any rituals to remember your loved ones on these days?
[Edited 9/8/06 12:23pm]