New topic
Printable| Author | Message |
Female and Male friends Okay, so if your girlfriend/boyfriend wanted to go out (to the movies or out to eat, etc.) with their male/female friend (in other words a friend of the opposite sex) whom you have never met before....would you let them?
If they went out (or some prefer to use the term "hang out") with their friend of the opposite sex, with or without your knowledge, is this cheating? What is considered "crossing" the line when it comes to your significant other and their friend? Talk away.... also, is there any such thing as being 100% secure in a relationship?  my friends and I were discussing this...just thought to bring this up as well.[Edited 8/31/06 6:18am] I will forever love and miss you...my sweet Prince. | |
- E-mail - orgNote -  Report post to moderator |
missfee said: Okay, so if your girlfriend/boyfriend wanted to go out (to the movies or out to eat, etc.) with their male/female friend (in other words a friend of the opposite sex) whom you have never met before....would you let them?
If they went out (or some prefer to use the term "hang out") with their friend of the opposite sex, with or without your knowledge, is this cheating? What is considered "crossing" the line when it comes to your significant other and their friend? Talk away.... It depends on if the friend is gay. And if they knew them before they knew you. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
missfee said: Okay, so if your girlfriend/boyfriend wanted to go out (to the movies or out to eat, etc.) with their male/female friend (in other words a friend of the opposite sex) whom you have never met before....would you let them?
If they went out (or some prefer to use the term "hang out") with their friend of the opposite sex, with or without your knowledge, is this cheating? What is considered "crossing" the line when it comes to your significant other and their friend? Talk away.... imo it's normal, even healthy for partners to have same and opposite sex friends outside of the primary intimate relationship. crossing the line with this concept would be cheating - i.e. having sex with said 'friend' and exposing an intimate partner to an STD without their knowledge or consent just my 2c | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Well I wouldn't consider it cheating. I think they should definetly TELL you about it, or that's LYING.
I'm personally cool with my signif other hanging out with friends of the opposite sex. I would MAYBE be a little weird if I had never met them, but I still wouldn't freak or anything. But everyone is NOT the same. I think that as long as your partner is also cool with you hanging out with friends of the opposite sex it's okay. But if they're gonna freak out, then they shouldn't be doing it either. [Edited 8/31/06 6:20am] | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
missfee said: Okay, so if your girlfriend/boyfriend wanted to go out (to the movies or out to eat, etc.) with their male/female friend (in other words a friend of the opposite sex) whom you have never met before....would you let them?
If they went out (or some prefer to use the term "hang out") with their friend of the opposite sex, with or without your knowledge, is this cheating? What is considered "crossing" the line when it comes to your significant other and their friend? Talk away.... also, is there any such thing as being 100% secure in a relationship? my friends and I were discussing this...just thought to bring this up as well.
[Edited 8/31/06 6:18am]  "let" them ..as if i am owner or parent of my partner ?
in my book .. no that is NOT cheating lines as in unmovable ones ?
i feel 100 % secure in my relationship with my husband | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
"let them"?
I have no problem with my partner seeing whomever he wishes to see, nor does he have to tell me every move he makes. You can't stop someone from cheating if they want to cheat. I'm not gonna have a relationship based on insecurity and paranoia. You just have to deal with it if it happens. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
I couldnt not have male friends jsut because I have a boyfriend, I would expect said boyfriend to feel the same and understand this.
However, if they went out with someone and lied about it, or just didnt tell you, thats not necessarily wrong but it breeds a lot of suspicion and mistrust. Even if they did it to protect you from it in the first place. Honesty  and you can be friends with whoever you want.
Oh, and no sharing beds "platonically" or affection between said friends. Thats just not cool 
when I say affection, obviously Im not that cold - I just mean cuddling, kissing etc... you know... [Edited 8/31/06 6:31am] | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| Ex-Moderator |
XxAxX said: missfee said: Okay, so if your girlfriend/boyfriend wanted to go out (to the movies or out to eat, etc.) with their male/female friend (in other words a friend of the opposite sex) whom you have never met before....would you let them?
If they went out (or some prefer to use the term "hang out") with their friend of the opposite sex, with or without your knowledge, is this cheating? What is considered "crossing" the line when it comes to your significant other and their friend? Talk away.... imo it's normal, even healthy for partners to have same and opposite sex friends outside of the primary intimate relationship. crossing the line with this concept would be cheating - i.e. having sex with said 'friend' and exposing an intimate partner to an STD without their knowledge or consent just my 2c yup.  |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
susannah said: I couldnt not have male friends jsut because I have a boyfriend, I would expect said boyfriend to feel the same and understand this.
However, if they went out with someone and lied about it, or just didnt tell you, thats not necessarily wrong but it breeds a lot of suspicion and mistrust. Even if they did it to protect you from it in the first place. Honesty and you can be friends with whoever you want.
Oh, and no sharing beds "platonically" or affection between said friends. Thats just not cool
when I say affection, obviously Im not that cold - I just mean cuddling, kissing etc... you know... [Edited 8/31/06 6:31am] I've got a friend who shared a bed with a "platonic" male friend a while ago now but I think he likes her... she fails to see it though  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
hmmm.
I've never been in a position of enough power to "let them" do anything.
But, I wouldn't trust them to do it. I've got a jealous heart. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
I think part of being a healthy adult is being able to maintain healthy, platonic friendships with the opposite sex.
Now, some partners will be less secure about this than others. The important thing, I think, is for everyone involved to be committed to honoring boundaries and relationships. It also helps to pray for wisdom. Because navigating this can be tricky. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Imago said: hmmm.
I've never been in a position of enough power to "let them" do anything.
But, I wouldn't trust them to do it. I've got a jealous heart. I'm a jealous person too, but I've learned in my ripe old age of 27 to let it go.
Cuz, like I have way more guy friends than girls. And I know they are JUST FRIENDS, so I've learned to accept the same with my partner. (I'm still jealous deep down, but those are MY issues, not his) | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
okay some of you are concerned about the "let them" part....
when I said "let them" i meant as in if you would have a problem with the whole situation or not....like if they told you about wanting to go out with their "friend" would you be upset, or would you not care at all? yeesh... I will forever love and miss you...my sweet Prince. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Natisse said: susannah said: I couldnt not have male friends jsut because I have a boyfriend, I would expect said boyfriend to feel the same and understand this.
However, if they went out with someone and lied about it, or just didnt tell you, thats not necessarily wrong but it breeds a lot of suspicion and mistrust. Even if they did it to protect you from it in the first place. Honesty and you can be friends with whoever you want.
Oh, and no sharing beds "platonically" or affection between said friends. Thats just not cool
when I say affection, obviously Im not that cold - I just mean cuddling, kissing etc... you know... [Edited 8/31/06 6:31am] I've got a friend who shared a bed with a "platonic" male friend a while ago now but I think he likes her... she fails to see it though Well its fine if youre both single, because I think the issue here is trying not to upset your partner needlessly. If youre a grown adult and want to do that even though some might say its a bad idea, fair play. Then again, lol, you say now he likes her...cue mess! | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
The majority of my friends are male so I come across it alot with relationships. I try to introduce the guy to my closest guy friends in the beginning cause its also a way that I tell if the guy Im dating is going to last. If he can A) get along with them & B) handle how insane they are, I can usually tell if it will become a problem down the road.
I think you should tell your SO if you're hanging out with the opposite sex, if its one on one especially, but I dont think its wrong if its not something that becomes a habit with the same person over and over and always one on one. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
missfee said: would have a problem with the whole situation or not....like if they told you about wanting to go out with their "friend" would you be upset, or would you not care at all?
NO i would not have a problem with it No i would not be upset I always care  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
missfee said: okay some of you are concerned about the "let them" part....
when I said "let them" i meant as in if you would have a problem with the whole situation or not....like if they told you about wanting to go out with their "friend" would you be upset, or would you not care at all? yeesh... I didn't even notice the "let them" thing. But no, if he wanted to go out with his friend, I wouldn't care. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
When I was married, no, but then again, I didn't trust her. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
some girls just like hanging out with dudes. i think that's more normal than straight guys who happen to like hanging out with groups of girls, in that annoying double-standard-y kind of way. not that it's ABnormal for guys to feel more comfortable with primarily female friends, but it's not as common as girls with lots of guy friends.  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
missfee said: Okay, so if your girlfriend/boyfriend wanted to go out (to the movies or out to eat, etc.) with their male/female friend (in other words a friend of the opposite sex) whom you have never met before....would you let them?
If they went out (or some prefer to use the term "hang out") with their friend of the opposite sex, with or without your knowledge, is this cheating? What is considered "crossing" the line when it comes to your significant other and their friend? Talk away.... also, is there any such thing as being 100% secure in a relationship? my friends and I were discussing this...just thought to bring this up as well.[Edited 8/31/06 6:18am]
yes. it takes trust, and honesty | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe your partner will be relieved to see that you trust him/her. Think about some people in your own life whose company you enjoy, but you have no interest in hooking up with. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
to sum it up using the words of the famous comedian Chris Rock:
"do you know what a platonic friend is to a woman? A DICK IN A GLASS CASE!  "in case of an emergency break open glass" | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
jerseykrs said: When I was married, no, but then again, I didn't trust her.
I would never never never never ever trust a girlfriend around you. You're like the Event Horizon of pussy---once you trap 'em, not even light can escape.  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
The babe can hang out with whoever she wants. I don't give a shit. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Avatarfunk said: to sum it up using the words of the famous comedian Chris Rock:
"do you know what a platonic friend is to a woman? A DICK IN A GLASS CASE! "in case of an emergency break open glass" thats good! | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Imago said: jerseykrs said: When I was married, no, but then again, I didn't trust her.
I would never never never never ever trust a girlfriend around you. You're like the Event Horizon of pussy---once you trap 'em, not even light can escape. TAKE IT!!! | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
jerseykrs said: Imago said: I would never never never never ever trust a girlfriend around you. You're like the Event Horizon of pussy---once you trap 'em, not even light can escape. TAKE IT!!!  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Unless one of them is gay, At least one of the "friends" has it for the other. 100% of the time. ALWAYS. [Edited 8/31/06 15:39pm] (Insert something clever here) | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
DarkKnight1 said: Unless one of them is gay, At least one of the "friends" has it for the other. 100% of the time. ALWAYS.
Busllshit. Not true at all. I do not have it for my best friend, nor does he have it for me. I have several other straight male friends that neither side is attracted to the other.[Edited 8/31/06 15:39pm] [Edited 8/31/06 16:47pm] | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| Ex-Moderator |
PurpleThunder said: The majority of my friends are male so I come across it alot with relationships. I try to introduce the guy to my closest guy friends in the beginning cause its also a way that I tell if the guy Im dating is going to last. If he can A) get along with them & B) handle how insane they are, I can usually tell if it will become a problem down the road.
I think you should tell your SO if you're hanging out with the opposite sex, if its one on one especially, but I dont think its wrong if its not something that becomes a habit with the same person over and over and always one on one. If a guy I'm dating can't get along with/doesn't like my friends I will soon not be dating him. It's a requirement. |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |