Byron said:

Might I suggest giving her a clothing budget? $500 (or whatever) for the year, and she can decide whether she wants designer jeans and a bunch of shirts from Goodwill (a perfectly fine option, if you ask me), or more moderately priced clothes? She's old enough to make those sorts of decisions, I'd think, and to learn from them.

That is nuts!

She could buy at least 2 blouses, and a pair of jeans with $174.00.

Nevertheless, it is awfully cute!

i can imagine still being a teenager and asking my dad for an expensive pair of jeans--hell, any expensive piece of clothing--i can hear 'im doing the following:

1) laughing at me
2) telling me "betta get yerself a job, then!"

but $174 for ONE pair of jeans? holy flaming hohners, you could have a little mini-shopping spree at marshall's with that much money!

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

That would have happened to me too!

And honestly, she's only 13, so how long do you think those jeans will fit her? Maybe if she would remain the same size for a few years, it might be worth it, but 13 year olds do a lot of changing over the course of a few months. You don't want to be putting those expensive jeans in the Good Will bag next year.

luv4all7 said:

She could buy them for herself if she had a job!
[Edited 8/23/06 8:38am]

JustErin said:

HA! by doing that, you ain't teaching 'em jackshit except that you'll give 'em what they want, when they want it. every parent in the world is NOT made outta money. why do you think that some kids out there today are spoiled as fuck, expect things to be handed to 'em right away, and wouldn't know values if they came and kicked 'em square in the pants?


which is exactly what you'd be doing if you were to go by your own suggestion. not a very good bit of advice, and i'ma tell you why: i was brought up in a low-income household, so my folks most definitely tripped over the times when i wanted an expensive toy or clothing. the best they could do is buy a much cheaper knockoff from target or wherever. yeah, sometimes i got mad because it wasn't brand-name and thought all the kids were gonna totally make fun of me, but it taught me something very valuable: expensive ain't shit. focus on things that you actually NEED, otherwise you will WANT to kick yourself in the ass down the road for splurging.

...all this, and i'm not even a parent. i've still got room to talk though, because of what my parents taught me as a child.

UCantHavaDaMango said:

exactly!

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

Ok, first off I didn't say that you give them EVERYTHING they want. I am not saying to say yes to everything. My point is this. If you can afford it, if you would buy yourself expensive things, I see no reason why you wouldn't buy nice things for your kids. Do you opt out of getting something nice for yourself because you are afraid that your co-workers or friends may be jealous? Maybe you do...but I seriously doubt most would do that.

Buying your kids nice things does not automatically make them spoiled nor does it not teach them about values. It's all about balance and teaching them that money doesn't make them who they are...but at the same time, they should not be ashamed that they are more fortunate than others.

And to be honest, I don't care whether other kids are spoiled or not. I am only concerned about mine. If other parents fail to teach their kids good values, that's their problem not mine.

My son will continue to get nice things, as long as I can afford it. When he comes to an age where he can work, he can start buying nice things with his own hard earned money...but until then I am not going to force my child to go without simply because others may not be as fortunate.

My son is being taught to be a good, kind, caring person that respects others, that shares with others and that the gift of giving to those that are less fortunate is very important.

Once he grows out of his stuff I always, always give them away to peole who need them. Same with his toys. He doesn't use it? It's gone.

Hope that explains where I was coming from a bit better.

JustErin said:

i'm a person, not a gotdamned fashion plate. same would go for if i had children.


nor should they be ashamed for having less.

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

My dad, no kidding, would sing to me when I would ask for stuff.

Everybody, sing along:

"You can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you get what you need!"

I can still hear him singing that damn song in my head. It made me SO mad. And I'm so glad he didn't just give me stuff, 'cause it would be really hard for me now that I'm a brokeazz grownup.

I mostly just wanted books, which my parents did often buy me, but I remember when I wanted a Nintendo. . . it cost $100. . . and then I wanted an english saddle (my neighbor had a horse that he let me ride). . . that cost like $150. . . he paid me $25 per week to clean his whole office, and I saved up for those things. It was good. I took good care of them. I still have that damned Nintendo.

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

exactly. a 13 year old is going to grow out of those jeans so damn quick, too! I have a hard time spending lots of money on clothes, especially clothes that aren't going to last. It's a waste and the money can go to far better things.

HereToRockYourWorld said:

My mom would sing me the same damn song!

JustErin said:

You have to remember how a child's mind works. They dont have the benefit of adult wisdom/maturity. Your reasoning doesn't apply to child's way of viewing the world, and they cant apply that kind of rationality to it yet. To them things are still black and white, the shades of grey come as they mature.

JustErin said:

I gotcha, Erin, and I tend to agree. I treat myself sometimes and if I had children, they'd get treats from time to time to. Whatever was within my means, of course.
We all value something. I don't happen to think it's wrong to value clothing. I adore fashion. But if I wanna blow half a month's rent on one pair of jeans, you can bet I'd be going without in other areas. And so would my teenager.

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

Of course, they should certainly not be ashamed for having less.

LleeLlee said:

You are greatly underestimating the mind of a child.

It's all about nurturing and teaching them from day one. It's all about taking a very active roll in guiding them through the early years.

JustErin said:

I think that the assumption people are making here is that the jeans aren't worth the $174. There are some articles of clothing that are expensive because they are well made and will last a lifetime, but then you usually don't buy such things for a teenager whose body is still growing. Especially is the article of clothing is trendy and will be out of favor in a month or so.

I don't have any kids or any money for that matter, so I have a hard time seeing it any other way than a huge waste of cash.

JasmineFire said:

Good luck.

Once that shit starts it only gets worse. They won't want anything cheaper after that, so from one parent to another.. keep it real and make them responsible for shit like that. Hell, I would tell my kids if you want it so bad then save up and buy it yourself. Then they'll see the value of a buck when they settle for something in the normal range. Unless you daughter is Paris Hilton or someone on that level, better keep them in the real world for now or your in for a real ride the next couple of years.

HereToRockYourWorld said:

See, I don't see it as a waste of money because I donate his stuff once he has grown out of it/doesn't use it anymore.

I think it's worth it because it's also helping out someone else, and in the meantime it's teaching my son a valuable lesson about sharing and helping others.

That's what good values are all about, to me anyway.

I'll never get how people will pay LOTS of money for....denim. It's not silk or cashmere or even 120 ct fine linen! It's DENIM for Chrissy Snow Sakes!

JustErin said:

I dont think I am. I'm saying that they wont apply the same kind of reasoning to a situation as an adult would, despite you trying to explain to them, depending on the age of course. They're not mini adults, theyre children. They have different expectations from life than an adult. Their world is much smaller. Nurturing and guiding them plays a huge part in who they become, agreed. But children will revert to childish behaviour no matter how mature they appear to be and why shouldn't they? They're kids.


imo.

Byron said:

They don't make $20.00 jeans anymore. It's sad. I am bad. I never go clothes shopping because I think clothes are way way way too expensive. I wear my clothes out. Maybe it shows and I think it's a bad practice being an adult in the corpoate world. But I can never just shop for clothes unless I need to. Is something wrong with me because I never want to wear anything nice or fashionable for fashions sake?

Just pay one of the skateboarders outside of the mall $20 to go in there and steal the pair for you.

I've seen this episode. What happens next is her sister Denise offers to make her own pair of designer jeans for her. But what your daughter doesn't know is that Denise isn't a good seamstress and the jeans will look horrible.

superspaceboy said:

they do at target.

JustErin said:

i think, too that there's a big difference in boy's clothes and girl's clothes. Boy's clothes stay the same from year to year practically, while some embellished girl jeans won't be.

I think that what you do is good, though. donating clothing to goodwill is a great way to teach your son responsibility and it is something that my parents and I have always done.

As a said before, I don't have kids so I don't really know what the deal is. hell,even my cats came to me as damn near adults.

LleeLlee said:

I think you misunderstood me. I am not saying that you treat them like mini adults. Children will still be children and that includes being childish.

It's not so much about how they act, it's about how the adult acts in response and what the parent does to teach them good values.

If for some of you that means never buying them expensive things, that's cool. I just see it differently, and raise my son the way I feel will make him a good, caring child and then adult.

Jasminefire, little boy's clothes can be just as trendy as the little girl's these days. When I first started shopping for him I was shocked that the selection of boy's stuff rivaled the girl's.

JustErin said:

You can do that with a $20 pair of jeans, too, though...plus have $154 left over to donate to a few worthy causes. If that's truly your goal, that is...