Oddballs abound when you're a freak magnet
Harassed on the bus? Flashed in the park? Why nutjobs pick you!


By Diane Mapes
MSNBC contributor

Updated: 7:19 p.m. ET Aug 4, 2006

Not long ago, I was at a funeral and somewhere between the macaroni salad and the deviled eggs, this guy hit on me. That in and of itself wasn’t all that unusual; lots of people deal with death by fully embracing their living, breeding status. What was unusual — or maybe what was typical about it for me — was the fact that the funeral was for a forensic psychologist who specialized in sexual predators. And the guy who hit on me was a patient.

Welcome to the world of the freak magnet.

For the lucky folks out there who aren’t familiar with the term — who’ve never had to endure a spate of hand-kissing by strangers or run from a naked man pushing a shopping cart, a quick definition, courtesy of “Ginger,” a 34-year-old blogger from Los Angeles whose Diary of a Freak Magnet (“I collect freaks like black pants collect lint”) records the oddball fest that is her life.


“A freak magnet is basically someone who attracts bizarre, unwanted attention,” says Ginger, who asked that her real name not be used due to the number of times she’s been stalked. “You’re minding your own business and then you suddenly have some encounter that you didn’t invite in any way. It just happens to some people more than others.”

But the burning question is why? Why do some people walk through a public garden and see beautiful flowers and other people, like Ginger, see a naked guy standing in his picture window masturbating?

Do freak magnets emit some kind of special scent? Use different body language? Are they more open and approachable than other people? Or do they just like all the crazy attention or perhaps attract it because they’re a little freaky themselves?

"Being a freak magnet sounds to me like half-complaint and half-boast,” says Dr. Doe Lang, psychotherapist and author of "The New Secrets of Charisma." “There is a sort of suggestive glamour about it. Even if you’re magnetizing freaks, you’re still magnetizing somebody. You’ve got the power to attract.”

But it’s what some folks attract that’s the problem.

Beware of a man with a hand on his zipper
Beth Duddy, 46, a restaurant server/artist from San Francisco tends to pull from the paranoid schizophrenic end of the spectrum, i.e., “intense people who like to talk,” often, as it turns out, about their “enemy lists”.

Duddy, whose mother suffered from mental illness, calls herself freak tolerant and admits to being a bit outside the norm, herself.

“I’m college-educated and can put on a business suit and pumps and all that,” she says. “But I’m not afraid to talk to strangers on the street. And it seems that I attract these amusing oddballs and losers. It feels like once I make eye contact with them, it’s all over. They pick up on whatever it is that tells them they can open up their freaky baggage.”



Ginger, on the other hand, tends to attract random — and unwelcome — sexual attention, like the guy on the dance floor who kept unzipping his pants at her or the men who routinely pull over as she’s walking down the street and demand that she “Get in!”

“A lot of the freak encounters I’ve had are about harassment,” she says. “Which, unfortunately, is pretty pervasive in our society. But I think some things happen because I’m social. I’m out there meeting people and I’m open and they sense that and just pounce.”

According to Steen Halling, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Seattle University, Ginger and Duddy’s assessments aren’t far off. Some people are targeted, either by their body language or their open demeanor.

“If somebody is predatory or exploitive, they’ll have a good eye for people who look vulnerable,” he says. “They’ll look for someone who seems to have self-doubt or who might be sympathetic or who will respond to someone who gives them a lot of attention.”

But what about those instances where there’s no opportunity for eye contact or sizing up, like the time a fellow darted across four lanes of traffic in order to hand a cassette full of Christmas music to Jonathan Shipley, a 32-year-old writer from Seattle.

“He told me he couldn’t keep it because whenever his wife listened to 'Joy to the World,' she heard children being strangled in the background,” says Shipley. He says he's had many such run-ins over the years, including a recent beating aboard a bus by an umbrella-wielding transient who felt Shipley should be “writing it in his mind” instead of on his laptop.

Freak-magnet frequency
Could it be that there’s actually some kind of freak-magnet frequency?

“It could be that there’s a different level of communication going on,” says Halling, the psychologist. “Something preverbal and unconscious that registers with someone who is psychiatrically disturbed. It brings to mind those cats that have a knack for jumping up on people who have allergies.”


Ever the optimist, Shipley finds comfort in his magnetic appeal.

“Being a freak magnet is a wonderful thing,” he says. “You get great stories to tell at parties and it makes for good fodder for my writing.”

Ginger, on the other hand, is philosophical.

“The only way to avoid these experiences is to stay in a darkened room with all the shutters drawn,” she says. “If you want to have new experiences, to keep growing as a person, you’re going to need to expose yourself to more people and that means exposing yourself to the crazy ones, too.”

As for me? My guess is I'll keep talking to strangers at bus stops, coffee shops, even the occasional funeral. But not without my trusty canister of pepper spray.

source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14124484/

MDiver keeps noting me asking what I'm wearing.

Is this another Jersey thread?

purplerein said:

He's not afreak...but I'm pretty sure he's a magnet.

JDINTERACTIVE said:

A sidebar in the same article:

How to freak-proof your life
— Speak up: If anything seems weird, deal with it immediately. Ask if you’re interpreting a comment or situation correctly and if you are, let the person know that they’re acting inappropriately. If it’s sexual interest, tell them immediately that you’re neither available nor interested. If it’s some kind of harassment, speak up. Women are taught to feel afraid, but they need to respond, to say something.

— Be aware: Don’t ever act as if you’re lost or bewildered, instead be purposeful and direct as you move through the world. Be alert and somewhat skeptical of people, although this doesn’t mean you should be untrusting of everyone.

— Trust your gut: If you get an uncomfortable feeling from someone, take it seriously and don’t engage with them. Do this often enough and you’ll get a better sense of your own instincts.

JDINTERACTIVE said:

JDINTERACTIVE said:

Well if you fucking answered i would stop.

I knew there was a reason althom keeps orgnoting me.

I thought everyone attracted freaks like I do.

mdiver said:

and here I thought Askel and I were a strange couple

purplerein said:

Me and JD go way back!

CarrieMpls said:

?

i am soooo a freak magnet...i kinda like it

i get random folx asking my opinion on all kind of stuff-just sidling up and start talking to me as if we r old friends and i in turn, just respond as if we r..makes it easier and like i said before...i kinda like it

in a party setting the person who's considered the most 'offbeatish' will find their way to me even if im sitting clear across the room...my friends say "u attract what u r"

JDINTERACTIVE said:

The freaks on the bus, on the street, etc. They are always wanting to talk to me. It happens so frequently.

CarrieMpls said:

you know Carrie...I just wanted to say hello. When you kept running away, I gave up

purplerein said:

having my 84 year old cousin tell me i was his love and he wanted to hug and kiss me is about the freakiest thing that has happened to me

emm said:

emm said:

wow u have an 84 yr old cousin?? thats cool

he's my father's first cousin (my father is 75)

i think i have dealt with him now... the last straw was him calling to make a date to meet at a bowling alley last month

honestly it is probably some form of early dementia... but this has been going on for years now

emm said:

I mean



it's sweet and creepy at the same time

ZombieKitten said:

I agree sweet and creepy.... but stil I'm glad that it didn't happen to me. :

emm

sweet said:

So u must attract other good pussy
[Edited 8/10/06 17:41pm]

applekisses said:

Sweeny79 said:

BTW this part is really true... I used to walk around all la te da..and I'd end up with freaks attached to me left and right... now that I act like the above...hardly anyone bothers me.

Eyes to the ground...mind your own... freaks stay clear.

I'm a total freakmagnet.

AnotherLoverToo said:

AnotherLoverToo said:

Isn't everyone?