onenitealone said:

you kidding? we've talked about many things and I've learnt SO much from you hon! still am! you give me inspiration and courage - truly

mdiver said:

You can say that again! But it's all part of the learning process and - again - being honest with yourself. Sometimes, you have to be brutal with yourself.



Don't mention that last part to Herman or he'll get excited.

j/k


Having amazing, honest people in your life also helps greatly.

purplerein said:

Good for you- congrats on that!
Much love & respect to you!

Let's see.

Early 1992 - Shy, scared, lonely.

Late 1992 - fun, crazy, very individual.

The difference? Between June of 1992 and October, I joined the military. I agreed to kill "the old Dan" and become someone who would make me feel happier.

Essentially, it was like acting. You know, when you babysit a kid for the first time and you have to play the role of "mature adult", I simply played the role of outgoing new me. Only the person I was playing it for was myself instead of some other kid.

Strangely it worked.

A few things you have to expect:

1) lots of discomfort. You're treading new territory
2) new behaviors.
3) constant scary situations. Everything is new.

But without agreeing to these things, I would have never made the life long friendships that I made, seen Paris, seen German Fetish clubs, etc. etc.

Natisse said:

Shush now!




Thanks, hun. That means a lot. And I learn something from all my friends, including you.

Imago said:

Dan, sometimes you seem so similar to me in the way you approach things (eg. "killed the old Dan")... well, it's cool.

It doesn't surprise me you're a Sag as well.



I just joined a choir with a similar idea in mind and I am making good progress at "killing the old John".

Natisse said:

There are so many things, but here are a few:

I have learned to love myself and self-respect (through a lot of introspection)
I have learned that I cannot control other people's actions, I can only control my own actions and reactions (after a lot of pain and hurt, I just had to let go).
People can only hurt me if I allow them to (reaching deep for my courage and sense of self-worth).
I am worthy, capable, kind and compassionate - and no matter how hard some people may try to break me down, I will hold my head high and handle myself in a dignified fashion (respect yourself).

And, most importantly, don't beat yourself up if there are certain things about yourself that you simply cannot get past or change - accept those qualities and embrace them as an important part of who you are.....if you are going to dispel yourself of anything, make sure it is negativity and anger first.....which takes us back to the first item on the list:

LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF.

Anx, you have me cracking up (as usual) on this thread...






Natisse, it's important to be patient. I find that the best Person to be in charge of that process of self-discovery and change is God. (Philippians 1:6)

Remember, it's a journey.




.
[Edited 8/9/06 8:09am]

cubic61052 said:

Easier said then done but I am try to work on that..

mrdespues said:

Is it just me or does "killing the new Dan" sound really appealing these days

I found myself when I was not looking. I realise who I am now and what I want. I have always been me I just did not realise it

i didn't answer the important part...how did i do it?

i think the vegetarianism came at a time in my life when i was obsessed with defining myself because i was finally at an age where i could without my family interfering. i've always thought of my vegetarianism like it's a tattoo - more of a vow or a lifetime decision than a discipline. it gives me a sense of personal pride to know i can make a commitment until i die, and that if i break it, nobody really would care except for me. sometimes the lowest stakes are the highest stakes.

the gym and the giving up sugared sodas? after a while you just get tired of feeling gross and you want to do something about it. when you try something and the results make you feel less like crap, you tend to stick with it. pretty easy, really.

shanti0608 said:

I know...it is a constant struggle....I work on it daily....writing it down is easy ~ actually doing it is much more difficult.

Anx said:

ok one thing.

how can you be so disciplined in these areas (vege/gym, etc) and yet smoke?

ellieadore said:

ellieadore said:

i like that. a lot.

the same thing happened to me recently.

ive been through so much...

Ive had friends turn thier back on me,well thats not entirely true ihad turned my back on them in my ever changing bitchy moods and done and said stupid shit and lost em all because of it. and im sure through all of that shit i'll never hear from them again probably.

Trying to change one's self is an on going process, ive had some major breakthroughs and relapses from time to time, but i remain strong and remain in the belief that all things are possible when you speak to your creator. ive lost and gained alot in my life and i dont mean to post this because im looking for any kind of attention, that is not my intention, the reason is because i feel this should be vented out and be seen and heard.

I've always used Humor to hide the real me from people and i think ive been good at it so far in my life. im proud of the person that i have become and it has taken me forever to be conmfortable in my own skin. i have fought long and hard and scratched and clawed to be this person, and now i shall be strong in being happy in who i am.

This is ME, the real ME Not Finess, Not the other names, But Steven.

mrdespues said:

i didn't say i was an ideal picture of perfect health. i just make certain efforts that make me feel better. i go through a pack every week and a half, which blah blah blah i know is a pack too much, blah blah, but if i were free of contradictions i'd be creepy.

Anx said:

that's very, very true.

Finess said:

You love yourself.....it is hard to get there and stay there, but it is worth the struggle.

Finess said:

thank you for sharing that

cubic61052 said:

took me a long time to do it too, there were people who loved me, and i couldnt love them back because i didnt love myself 1st which is the most important lesson. it is worth the struggle and you can ask anyone here who knows me.

mdiver said:

I know you're just implementing more of your famous "tough love"
[Edited 8/9/06 8:21am]

mrdespues said:

i've been thinking a LOT about quitting lately, mainly because it's getting to be a really expensive habit with all the taxes on smokes going through the roof. but if i quit, it's going to be very quietly, because when i hear self-righteous non-smokers go off on their rants, it makes me want to put a whole pack in my mouth and blow smoke in their faces.

so if i can quit without hearing that crap, i'm good to go.

Imago said:

Anytime my friend

mdiver said:

That's the funniest line on this thread yet though. :falloff;

Imago said:

Anx said:

oh blow it out your ass, ashtray-breath!



hope it's not me you're referring to. i've been anti-smoking on here the last few days... only cause i just managed to quit again, though.

Natisse said:

wow ..



desire
will power
tears
pain
frustration
love
compassion
nurturing
understanding
insight

mrdespues said:

not at all. and really, i'm very respectful of non-smokers. nobody is entitled to my stank ass habit, and i can go days or as long as is necessary without smoking if the occasion calls for me to knock it off for a while. i'm just talking about when people are all radical activist overzealous about smoking, it's a real turn off. and those same people will probably complain about how they don't appreciate animal rights people preaching at them about eating meat.