I logged on for this shite?

Oh my god, I missed you so much.


I'm not faggin' on you or anything, but I seriously can't stand it when you're not logged on here.

Imago said:

u didn't make me mother effer!

jerseykrs said:

jerseykrs said:

i think SOMEONE'S auntie flo is paying a visit.

i hearsay u do too
but in either instance, no complaints

Imago said:

jerseykrs said:

You logged on just to tell me off via orgnote.

JustErin said:

He told you off too?


I'm being physically threatenned for something I have no clue about.

I mean, that motherfucker really tries too hard to be butch!

I aint takin no crap today.... Ya should have read the damn bulletin....

Shit...Jersey is drunk again...

I know I'm not the only one who logs on to the org to see if Jersey's been punched again.

Imago said:

Well, he didn't appreciate my "wrapped around my little finger" comment.

JustErin said:

False. If it related to him in any way, and you said it, he loves it.

Fauxie said:

actually he just orgnoted me and told me the fuck off.


Picture Richard Simmons when he's pissed at David Letterman.

Imago said:

Imago said:

Imago said:

Are they American TV personalities?



Yeah, I agree, Jers is a big pussy these days. At least when he didn't like gay people he was tough and memorable.

Fauxie said:

[Edited 8/7/06 18:55pm]
[Edited 8/7/06 18:56pm]

Imago said:

Did you just make that?

LETTERMAN: Yeah, yeah, and now you have helped -- how

many people around the world have you helped lose weight?

SIMMONS: Well, let's just say today I talked to 63,000

pounds of people.

LETTERMAN: So what is that, like four?

(Audience howls and Richard walks away very hurt.)

LETTERMAN: Get over here. Now sit down. Sit down.

SIMMONS: That was another little fat joke, another fat

joke from David.

LETTERMAN: You always do this. You act like you're

really upset and make me look like a jerk and then --

SIMMONS: You're the one that said "four people."

LETTERMAN: Here you go. Here you go.

(Letterman puts a Mardi Gras necklace on Richard

and Richard looks at him very lovingly!)

LETTERMAN: You know, that don't look bad.

SIMMONS: I have these.

(Audience howls and Letterman cracks up.)

SIMMONS: You know, when the Prince put on Lady Di's

beads, you know what that meant.

LETTERMAN: I have no idea.

SIMMONS: Okay.

LETTERMAN: We have to go. We have to go. We'll do a

commercial. We have many other things to chat with Richard

Simmons about. Come on back, folks. Nice to see you.

(Commercials.)

(When they come out of commercial Richard Simmons

is smoking a cigar.)

LETTERMAN: How are you doing, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome back to the program.

SIMMONS: (singing) Macho macho man. I wanna be a

macho man.

Will you teach me how to smoke a cigar, Dave?

LETTERMAN: I have the feeling you probably have the

hang of it, Richard.

(Audience howls.)

SIMMONS: That is it.

LETTERMAN: What? No.

SIMMONS: That is it.

LETTERMAN: No. What?

SIMMONS: Fine, fine. You wouldn't say that to the old

fancy movie stars coming out here. No. Cheap shot, cheap

shot, cheap shot.

LETTERMAN: No. I just mean that a kid from New Orleans

probably knows all about smoking.

SIMMONS: No. I actually never really smoked. I mean,

I love food. I mean, if there was a spaghetti stain on your

tie, I'd suck it off.

(Audience howls.)

SIMMONS: No, I mean that. I love food. I never got

into like cigars or any of that stuff.

LETTERMAN: Man, I'm dropping weight just thinking about

that.

(Audience howls.)

LETTERMAN: Let's speak just seriously for a second

here. You know the kind of thing that I like? I like the

stories about the perseverance of the human will. There is no

more greater indomitable force than the human spirit, somebody

who is dealt a bad deck and then turns it into a huge pot of

gold at the end of a long tough hard fight, and I guess

something like that can be said of you. You were a huge fat

kid.

(Audience laughs.)

SIMMONS: We don't like to be called huge, David.

LETTERMAN: Well, how much did you weigh?

SIMMONS: 268.

LETTERMAN: 268. How tall are you?

SIMMONS: Five-six and a half.

LETTERMAN: Wow.

SIMMONS: But it's like, you know, you start at a

hundred, then you start at two hundred. I mean, right now

there's a lady in Boston who is 700 pounds. She's just lost a

hundred pounds and she is watching us.

LETTERMAN: She weighed 800 pounds and now she's --

SIMMONS: She was 700 pounds when I met her. She's now

lost a hundred and 45 pounds. I got her in the hospital. And

there's Hambone who I got in the hospital. He's 900 pounds.

LETTERMAN: Now, just a minute. Let me interrupt you.

Let me just stop you right there, buddy. Let me just stop you

right there. If I had called this moose Hambone you --

(Audience laughs.)

SIMMONS: That's his real name.

LETTERMAN: Oh, yeah. Larry Hambone. I'm sure.

SIMMONS: Okay, fine, fine.

LETTERMAN: Get the White Pages. Mr. Hambone?

SIMMONS: So he's in a hospital in Atlanta, and he's

lost over a hundred pounds.

LETTERMAN: Good for him.

SIMMONS: And you know it's just hard.

LETTERMAN: I'm serious. Good for him.

SIMMONS: You know, when you dropped a few pounds, you

were very proud of yourself, and you did it by --

LETTERMAN: It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my

life. I lost 25 pounds.

SIMMONS: You did it by eating healthy, watching your

fat and exercising.

(Audience cheers and Letterman blows a kiss to the

audience.)

LETTERMAN: But anyway, so you should be very, very

proud of yourself, and in doing so you've been able to amass a

huge fortune.

SIMMONS: No one makes more money than you.

(Audience laughs.)

LETTERMAN: No, that's not true. I'm not --

SIMMONS: As a matter of fact, the infomercial company,

American Telecast, who did Deal-a-Meal and everything for me,

is right now in negotiations to try to get you to do an

infomercial.

(Letterman cracks up.)

SIMMONS: What are you laughing for? What?

LETTERMAN: No, they're not.

SIMMONS: Yes, they are.

LETTERMAN: No. You're telling stories again.

SIMMONS: I am not telling stories.

LETTERMAN: Yes, you are. You're lying. Look at this.

SIMMONS: I'm not lying.

(Audience boos.)

SIMMONS: John Marsh and Ed Ship and everybody at

American Telecast have an infomercial for you, and they asked

me if I would pitch it to you. That's it.

LETTERMAN: And what am I selling in the infomercial?

SIMMONS: I don't like your tone.

(Letterman cracks up and puts up his dukes.)

LETTERMAN: Come on. Let's go. Come on. Right now. I

don't like your tone. Oh, man.

SIMMONS: When you get it in the mail, you'll thank me.

LETTERMAN: Okay, all right. Well, perhaps I spoke too

quickly.

How about a song?

SIMMONS: You know, I feel a song coming on, because on

this stage there was so many people that sang songs.

LETTERMAN: This is a great place for all that.

SIMMONS: Right there in that little spot all the famous

people stood, and I have a little song for the audience.

LETTERMAN: Let me ask you one little thing.

(Letterman points at Richard.)

SIMMONS: I like it when you point at me like that.

(Richard looks lovingly at Dave.)

LETTERMAN: I don't like your tone.

(Audience howls and Dave punches Richard in the arm a

couple times.)

LETTERMAN: We're just kidding around. We're just

kidding around. Tell the people we're just kidding around.

We're just kidding around.

SIMMONS: We're not.

LETTERMAN: Yes, we are. Well, perhaps you're not.

But, you know, Richard, when you're done with your

little song, do me a favor. Run outside, hop on that little

ice sculpture and sit down there in the guest chair. Will you

do that?

SIMMONS: For you, Dave, I think I'd do just about

anything.

JustErin said:

I just read that transcript on the Internet looking for a good Simmons picture.

This could be a good thread yet.

Imago said:

Heehee.

I hope you all catch VD

jerseykrs said:

Stop sulking Chris.

You're gonna miss me when I finally get tired of your tantrums.

jerseykrs said:

The org's been boring the last few days.

Sweeny79 said:

No way! It's been fun, even without Jersey.

JustErin said:

Guess I missed the good stuff then