The other night a friend confessed to a really intense friendship when he was young. Nothing sexual or anything, but it did extend to always going to the toilet together. As he put it, "we shared our poos."

Think back to the innocence of blood brothers and being friends forever and tell us the stories of loyalty, commitment and how it all went horribly wrong. You've seen Heavenly Creatures...

I had a frienship in college that bordered on being girlfriends, just nothing sexual. We did everything together. We used to take naps together even in the tiny little dorm beds. Looking back, it was quite an intense friendship. We sort of lost our intensity over a boy and eventually she became a herion addict. I haven't seen her in years.

yep.

when i was very young, a friend of mine really, really wanted to show me how he could stick his dick into a vacuum cleaner.





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[Edited 8/5/06 9:06am]

I had a friend when I was younger that I was very close to. We shared everything- we looked alike and everyone thought we were twins.
I remember touching tongues with her so we could see what it was going to feel like when we kissed a boy. We were not attracted to each other we were just so close that we wanted to share everything.

shanti0608 said:

nice.

I still do all that stuff with my friends. Go to the bathroom. (Well to pee, anyway.) Go in the same dressing room to try stuff on together. Fall asleep in bed together. Lay on the couch and watch TV together and cuddle. My friends are my life. We do EVERYTHING together, share gum if it's the last piece We'll take it out of our mouth and split it all that stuff.

I have found as I got older I did not need to be around woman as much.
Many of them get on my nerves.. I have more guy friends now.

shanti0608 said:

I don't have many FEMALE friends. But the ones I do have are very close. Most girls hate us, and we all get along better with guys.

luv4all7 said:

That's why I connect with you.

Me and my best friends are soup sisters too. We tried all that stuff... blood sisters... some really gross things.

It's my best friends baby shower today... where we will once again gather together and be our stupid selves.

shanti0608 said:

See, I hate that. Why does that happen? I tend to have more problems with women friends than I'd like to admit to myself. But not all of them, I suppose. I guess I just like the idea of some big sisterhood, and there is that sometimes, for sure, but I hate the competition nonsense. And I hate thinking women are like that. And I hate thinking I could be like that. And I don't know why it should be so different.

luv4all7 said:

I think for me it is due to where I live now- woman are different down here in the south. Everyone my age has kids and they are not into going out anymore.

CarrieMpls said:

I know.. I tend to drift towards the more down to earth woman and I have a hard time finding them where I live currently..

shanti0608 said:

Mmmmm, where did U used to live. Here its about 50/50. I'm 27 and half my friends that age are moms and half aren't.

I had to like Go out and GET mom friends though, when I had kids, cuz none of my "old" friends have kids yet, and their still out the bush and all that on weekends.

So my mom friends and my old friends are like two different circles so it's a littl weird.
[Edited 8/5/06 9:38am]
[Edited 8/5/06 9:39am]
[Edited 8/5/06 9:39am]

I hate to shop- I do miss having girlfriends to go dancing with..

shanti0608 said:

i have one friend like that. we used to be so close. her mother and father weren't around as much so she practically lived with us and is considered a sister. we dressed alike, listened to the same music. fortunately we had different tastes in men. the tension came when we got older and the guys she liked would like me or she seemed a little jealous of the new friends i started to acquire. but we're okay now, we just don't see eachother as much 'cause she doesnt live in chicago and we both have kids and work etc,etc. but i love her with all my heart. i can always depend on her even now, just as she can on me.

Oh and I just thought of another one. My friend form when i was little, Tonya. She was like 3 years younger than me. And the one time she had her rag, and we wanted to go swimming, but she never used a plug before . And she made me go in the bathroom with her and show her how to do it, cuz she was scared.

Okay one more. It's not out of the ordinary or anything. But the one time my friend Shelley saved my life. We were I dunno 10 or 11 or something, and we were building a fort out the bush. And we had the fort done and we were making the boobie traps. So I was like digging this big hole that we were gonna cover with branches for the boys to fall in when they came.

Anyway I was digging really hard stooped down and I was digging towards my face and a big thing of dirt went in my mouth and I inhaled it and was literally choking to death. Like to the point where I couldn't even cough anymore.

So she starts freaking out and punching the shit out of back. I FINALLY started coughing up all this dirt and puking.

So I think thats a cool story.

I almost died building boobie traps.

I had a friend at school from 13-18 that was everything to me. We used to do everything together, shared so much, grew together, cried and laughed together. Everyone thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend (when we were not involved with other people) and loads of people said we would end up together but it wasn't like that.

When we started our careers we drifted apart, i have seen her a few times since but i guess the intense dynamic we had when we were always together faded.

There are days when i miss her terribly but time marches on. What we shared will be with me forever.

Vicki Jarrett

mdiver said:

I had one of those friendships.. he took me to prom. We were the best of friends. I thought at the time that he was the greatest man I would ever know. We drifted apart as well. He is married with 3 kids now and happy- which makes me happy...

shanti0608 said:

happy memories

mdiver said:

Yes but I look forward to more happy memories for my future..

shanti0608 said:

Me too

luv4all7 said:

Yes I know.. I am a strange woman..
One of the reasons my husband married me I suppose.

I did not grow up around the typical girlie things. My dad wanted a boy really bad and I ended up being his 2nd daughter and no son. So he bought me matchbox cars and took me to races with him. I grew up knowing a lot about cars, building tree forts and hanging with the boys.
I must say eventhough I do not like to shop myself.. I do love it when I guy buys me clothes- especially sexy girlie stuff....
I just hate going and picking stuff out.. that and my husband will not set foot in a store so I have to get all of his clothes for him then return it if it does not fit..

I certainly miss the level of "intense friendship" you are talking about! The trouble is, as you get older, it gets harder and harder to meet new people, let alone get them to an intense friendship level.

Part of that is you have your own expectations for the other person and lots of times, when they don't live-up to it, it is easier to disregard the friendship even before it gets to be intense. As you get older, your tolerancy for bullshit is lower too. As an adult, it is far easier now to say "I don't have to put up with it" or "I just don't want to be around this" when idiosyncracies appear.

Plus, it's a lot harder as an adult to spend much meaning-making time with someone you are not intimate with (i.e.: dating). People have jobs, families, and lives outside of perpetuating a friendship to intense levels. It's actually kind of sad, really.

And now, these days, a whole new level of friendship exists via the internet, connecting you with all kinds of people from all over. The distance prevents you from spending any physical time together -- even though, to some degree, the friendship can be very intimate because of what is revealed through writing. It has replaced the kind of intense friendships we had as kids, when summers seemed endless, our parents were immortal, and our sense of the world was innocent. Or better, when we were trying to define and discover who we were as individuals by connecting with someone else on an intense level.

I used to be like that with my best friend Jen, when we were younger. Then she got her first "real" boyfriend and I moved on to be that close with a few male friends, unfortunately they fell in love with me and I didn't with them Now I'm not that close to anybody anymore, but I have a feeling I could and hopefully will with Redbaby

purpleunderground said:

that was just about what I was going to say, but you said it way better.

i've never quite had a super-close friendship in my entire life, because it always seems that i've never had friends who i constantly hang around to begin with. it's always been on a long-distance basis, even when folks live nearby or in the same state.

hmmmm..


At 13 I had an intense friendship with a 12 year old. We skinny dipped together, and ended up sharing a kiss one night after drinking his dad's beer. That was all that ever amounted to that, and years later when we met again (I think I was 16/17 at that time), we were very awkward around each other.


Between 20 and 26 I had a series of best friends in which we were intense in our friendships too. We used to have a slogan : "Bro's before Ho's" / One of my friends admitted to having a crush on me that he didn't understand. Nothing ever came of that of course and he moved on to manwhore himself to 20 girls that year (at least that's what I believe the number was).

Around 27, my friendships dwindelled and I prefer my friendships to be light and not intense. I'm not sure why--but there is alot less drama now. Plus when you're in your 30's career requirements are much more intense themselves and whatever gets in the way of that, falls to the wayside. I need to make money.

I had 2 close friends all through primary school but towards end of high school it fizzled out, 3 doesn't really work anyway, there were always jealousies. But it was never really that intense.