New topic
Printable| Moderator |
Mazurack said: Sweeny79 said: Didn't realize it was just for Luv sorry 
and I'm working on it.   Think of Jack! On a serious note, though, maybe now that there has been talk on this thread, when you do react, maybe you'll recognize it and tame it, walk away, stop and think... etc.. I don't know. Like I said, I feel that I have to express emotions fully. Truly, I honestly think that part of my strength in vocal cords/facial expressions comes from knowing that my boyfriend expresses his anger emotions like Mach. And that infuriates me. If we are angry - let's be angry. Don't walk away from me and go to another room and then come back later acting as though everything is fine. And, definitely do not laugh at me. We were angry. There was a problem. Let's deal with it. Raised voices will more than likely be a part of it. However, an outburst of yelling, when nothing is wrong to anyone else... to me, that's something entirely different. When children are being what they are... children... yelling at them is not an excuse. I am at fault of this, though, it is usually when the first three times of asking quietly is not heard, which doesn't happen often. If you say/do something silly/on accident and you are yelled at for no apparent reason... I feel there is something wrong there as well. More than likely a control/insecurity issue on they one putting forth the roar. Not sure Jack is the best role model, his uncontrollable rage has caused him to do some stupid shit ....see mug shot above for exhibit a...and he, as all of us, seems so silly at times... 
I tend to think of my dad ... I don't want to be like him and I know I am.  In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. |
- E-mail - orgNote -  Report post to moderator |
Sweeny79 said: Mazurack said: Think of Jack! On a serious note, though, maybe now that there has been talk on this thread, when you do react, maybe you'll recognize it and tame it, walk away, stop and think... etc.. I don't know. Like I said, I feel that I have to express emotions fully. Truly, I honestly think that part of my strength in vocal cords/facial expressions comes from knowing that my boyfriend expresses his anger emotions like Mach. And that infuriates me. If we are angry - let's be angry. Don't walk away from me and go to another room and then come back later acting as though everything is fine. And, definitely do not laugh at me. We were angry. There was a problem. Let's deal with it. Raised voices will more than likely be a part of it. However, an outburst of yelling, when nothing is wrong to anyone else... to me, that's something entirely different. When children are being what they are... children... yelling at them is not an excuse. I am at fault of this, though, it is usually when the first three times of asking quietly is not heard, which doesn't happen often. If you say/do something silly/on accident and you are yelled at for no apparent reason... I feel there is something wrong there as well. More than likely a control/insecurity issue on they one putting forth the roar. Honestly I do think of Jack, his uncontrollable rage has caused him to do some stupid shit too....see mug shot above for exhibit a...and he as all of us seems so silly at times... I tend to think of my dad more though... I don't want to be like him and I know I am. Ah... then it goes deeper yet. We're gonna be like our parents. We are a part of them. Question is, do you stop it or go with it... or find a middle ground? I've chosen the middle ground. My father had a temper, physically/emotionally abusive and I am just like my father in that I have the urge, I don't act on the physical and I control my emotional to the best of my capabilities. I've come a long way. I once was a girl that was physically abusive to boyfriends in the past, who once put my ex-husband through a window over what I thought was a bad cheeseburger (and he is a big guy), to emotionally wrecking myself. I've overcome that... I've never been that way to my children and I wasn't that way to my husband past the second year. I went submissive. I held it all in and it destroyed me. I found a middle ground. Unfortunately, it had to happen after I left him. It took my leaving to find that middle ground. I also know that I cannot indulge in hard liquour as it brings the bad part of me out. Still me, but intensified to the point of no stopping me. Then you add in my heritage... Czech, German and Polish. Tempers and drinkers. *shrug* Thing is, Kim... you are a part of your parents, I feel... you just have to take the points you don't too much care for and tweak them and make it your own. It's not easy... it's a damned struggle, but it can be done. If it's like how it worked with me... at one point it will click and you'll recognize it. From then on out it will be a work in progress until you get it where you feel you need it to be.  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| Moderator |
Mazurack said: Sweeny79 said: Honestly I do think of Jack, his uncontrollable rage has caused him to do some stupid shit too....see mug shot above for exhibit a...and he as all of us seems so silly at times... I tend to think of my dad more though... I don't want to be like him and I know I am. Ah... then it goes deeper yet. We're gonna be like our parents. We are a part of them. Question is, do you stop it or go with it... or find a middle ground? I've chosen the middle ground. My father had a temper, physically/emotionally abusive and I am just like my father in that I have the urge, I don't act on the physical and I control my emotional to the best of my capabilities. I've come a long way. I once was a girl that was physically abusive to boyfriends in the past, who once put my ex-husband through a window over what I thought was a bad cheeseburger (and he is a big guy), to emotionally wrecking myself. I've overcome that... I've never been that way to my children and I wasn't that way to my husband past the second year. I went submissive. I held it all in and it destroyed me. I found a middle ground. Unfortunately, it had to happen after I left him. It took my leaving to find that middle ground. I also know that I cannot indulge in hard liquour as it brings the bad part of me out. Still me, but intensified to the point of no stopping me. Then you add in my heritage... Czech, German and Polish. Tempers and drinkers. *shrug* Thing is, Kim... you are a part of your parents, I feel... you just have to take the points you don't too much care for and tweak them and make it your own. It's not easy... it's a damned struggle, but it can be done. If it's like how it worked with me... at one point it will click and you'll recognize it. From then on out it will be a work in progress until you get it where you feel you need it to be. I know the place you are coming from 
My Dad was never what I would call abusive, but he's flirted with the dividing line more than a few times. Like I said earlier, I've come a long fucking way from who and where I used to be... I'm not my father, but I know that's in me. I try to keep it in check, but at times it's hard. I tend to go to the extremmes as you said of being all RAHHHH and then being submissive and swallowing it all, I've tried to find balance. And I do try to walk a way... Rich a lot of the times, won't let me though....that's when I find it hard to not lose contol.  In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Sweeny79 said: Mazurack said: Ah... then it goes deeper yet. We're gonna be like our parents. We are a part of them. Question is, do you stop it or go with it... or find a middle ground? I've chosen the middle ground. My father had a temper, physically/emotionally abusive and I am just like my father in that I have the urge, I don't act on the physical and I control my emotional to the best of my capabilities. I've come a long way. I once was a girl that was physically abusive to boyfriends in the past, who once put my ex-husband through a window over what I thought was a bad cheeseburger (and he is a big guy), to emotionally wrecking myself. I've overcome that... I've never been that way to my children and I wasn't that way to my husband past the second year. I went submissive. I held it all in and it destroyed me. I found a middle ground. Unfortunately, it had to happen after I left him. It took my leaving to find that middle ground. I also know that I cannot indulge in hard liquour as it brings the bad part of me out. Still me, but intensified to the point of no stopping me. Then you add in my heritage... Czech, German and Polish. Tempers and drinkers. *shrug* Thing is, Kim... you are a part of your parents, I feel... you just have to take the points you don't too much care for and tweak them and make it your own. It's not easy... it's a damned struggle, but it can be done. If it's like how it worked with me... at one point it will click and you'll recognize it. From then on out it will be a work in progress until you get it where you feel you need it to be. I know the place you are coming from
My Dad was never what I would call abusive, but he's flirted with the dividing line more than a few times. Like I said earlier, I've come a long fucking way from who and where I used to be... I'm not my father, but I know that's in me. I try to keep it in check, but at times it's hard. I tend to go to the extremmes as you said of being all RAHHHH and then being submissive and swallowing it all, I've tried to find balance. And I do try to walk a way... Rich a lot of the times, won't let me though....that's when I find it hard to not lose contol. Ooooh... the whole thing where you notice it and try to walk away and the other picks to keep it going... not knowing what they're in for? You're trying to stop it but eventually, with enough words, you're staying and you've got words of your own? Or, am I missing it? | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Mach said: 
I have known Michael ( TR my husband ) 20 yrs and not once has he ever raised his voice or yelled at anyone 
I could not spend my life with another that feels need to yell or raise their voice to be heard WHHHHHAAAAATTTTT? | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| Moderator |
Mazurack said: Sweeny79 said: I know the place you are coming from
My Dad was never what I would call abusive, but he's flirted with the dividing line more than a few times. Like I said earlier, I've come a long fucking way from who and where I used to be... I'm not my father, but I know that's in me. I try to keep it in check, but at times it's hard. I tend to go to the extremmes as you said of being all RAHHHH and then being submissive and swallowing it all, I've tried to find balance. And I do try to walk a way... Rich a lot of the times, won't let me though....that's when I find it hard to not lose contol. Ooooh... the whole thing where you notice it and try to walk away and the other picks to keep it going... not knowing what they're in for? You're trying to stop it but eventually, with enough words, you're staying and you've got words of your own? Or, am I missing it? Nope hon...you got it down pat. Thing is I know Rich doesn't like when I walk away mad because he thinks I won't comeback. Then I can't keep it in anymore and the fucker laughs at me, or mimics me which really drives me bonkers, and I know he's just being like the kids from earlier up on the thread and hiding his hurt, but I feel that control slip away and it can get very nasty. How's that for tieing up all the loose ends of this thread in a single post? 
Anyway... We used to fight all the time, we were awful to one another that caused me to leave for a year... in that year we both grew a lot and realized that we were just doing the same fucked up shit our parents did to eachother and we realized how time is so silly to waste on anger, hurt and the ever elusive quest for what might be better than what we have together, and now we don't fight as much, hardly ever and when we do it is usually productive. Ok...this thread ain't about me and my huge trunk of issues so I think I better stop....but I hope at least in the morning when Luv reads this jibber jabber she'll understand her relationship better...or more accurately start to ask her hubby some questions about his own anger. In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Sweeny79 said: Mazurack said: Ooooh... the whole thing where you notice it and try to walk away and the other picks to keep it going... not knowing what they're in for? You're trying to stop it but eventually, with enough words, you're staying and you've got words of your own? Or, am I missing it? Nope hon...you got it down pat. Thing is I know Rich doesn't like when I walk away mad because he thinks I won't comeback. Then I can't keep it in anymore and the fucker laughs at me, or mimics me which really drives me bonkers, and I know he's just being like the kids from earlier up on the thread and hiding his hurt, but I feel that control slip away and it can get very nasty. How's that for tieing up all the loose ends of this thread in a single post?
Anyway... We used to fight all the time, we were awful to one another that caused me to leave for a year... in that year we both grew a lot and realized that we were just doing the same fucked up shit our parents did to eachother and we realized how time is so silly to waste on anger, hurt and the ever elusive quest for what might be better than what we have together, and now we don't fight as much, hardly ever and when we do it is usually productive. Ok...this thread ain't about me and my huge trunk of issues so I think I better stop....but I hope at least in the morning when Luv reads this jibber jabber she'll understand her relationship better...or more accurately start to ask her hubby some questions about his own anger. I have like... stuff... to say to that! But! Wait! You're not going to believe it! I am only going to say... Hugs to ya, baby!
(And, rent Benchwarmers if you haven't seen it yet!)  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| Ex-Moderator |
Mach said: Sweeny79 said: Well....it's also immature to lose your head screaming like a nutball....but yeah that's part of it too. oh yes i agree ... both actions to me seem disrespectful and immature But I think laughter in that situation is more at the reaction than the feelings involved. Laughter is a way to deal with a difficult situation. Perhaps not always the best way. But, let's face it, sometimes when folks blow things out of proportion, it can be comical. lol. |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| Ex-Moderator |
Mach said: Mazurack said: Okay. You've always seemed like a very calm, serene person. I understand that you are. (Perhaps part of my shock when I thought, mistakenly, that you were fucking with me on the whole Vaseline/Flyswatter thing)... (Which, by the way... I have drowned a lot, but more are here... where are they coming from!?) May I ask, how do you dispose of your anger? Do you just hold it in or wait for everyone to be away from you and scream at the top of your lungs... or something else? I've never known that and I'm simply curious. Everyone I've known, man, woman and child has, at some point, shown anger by yelling or raising their voice. that i am and i dont waste much time or energy on anger ( in the past 20 + yrs ) it takes a lot and i mean a LOT to anger me when i am angry with someone ( cant remember the last time that was ) i say to them in a calm voice ... "i am feeling very angry and i need some time to think this through " i usualy then go for a walk or into another room ... and meditate i allow myself to feel the anger and then i release that feeling and then look into the reason for it and the best way to resolve it then i go back to the person and talk ...or tell them that i need more time i spent 3 + yr of my life in my late teens into 20 in a very verbally abusive relationship...i did enough screaming in that time to last 3 life times i'll say it again ... i have no desire in my life for that anymore it was something i didnt like about myself and the guy i was dating then to realize that CHANGE and intention to NOT live in that fashion is what i wanted in my life I do that same as you. When I'm really angry, I sometimes completely shut down and simply cannot talk. After a while, I do eventuall say, I am very angry with this and I explain why. I may feel a great need to be heard, but I'd rather choose my words carefully and have them understood than explode. Similarly, my father and brother both have anger management issues and have been intensely verbally abusive. It's just something i will not tolerate in my life at this point, and I could never personally inflict that kind of bevahior on anyone. |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
CarrieMpls said: Mach said: oh yes i agree ... both actions to me seem disrespectful and immature But I think laughter in that situation is more at the reaction than the feelings involved. Laughter is a way to deal with a difficult situation. Perhaps not always the best way. But, let's face it, sometimes when folks blow things out of proportion, it can be comical. lol. yes it is, people can laugh when they feel very uncomfortable, it's one way of diffusing a situation or processing a terrible event. Its like the uncomfortable laughter you can get from people to cover embarrassment. .. ... [Edited 7/30/06 4:28am] | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Sweeny79 said: Mazurack said: I'm juuuust asking, but Mach and Sweeny, don't you guys yell at all? Ever? Like in the heat of the moment raise your voice in frustration? You may not? I know that there are some people that don't, but is that healthy? To hold it in?
Again, just asking... Shit I yell all the time...
I'm always yelling. It's sad really and I should stop. STOP YELLING!!!! | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
SammiJ said: luv4all7 said: Okay, so what if she woulda cracked up when u were yelling at her. Would that be okay? ask yourself that question It would be fine for me, I would start laughing after they did. I'm not an angry person though..... | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
shellyevon said: luv4all7 said: I can see yelling, I can. I mean to a point. But not flying off the handle and I mean OFF THE HANDLE for every little thing. I'm sure a guy knows when he's being unreasonable. I mean sometimes you can't help but laugh at the situation. What else can ya do, yanno?
You see that's not always true. When they're out of control they think you're the unreasonable one. They even blame you for making them yell. Sometimes all the yelling can be a sign of depression, but that doesn't mean you should tolerate it. I put up with crap like this for far too long. Very true. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Mazurack said: Just asking... since this does seem to be deeper than when I orignially posted.
Is anyone ever been drinking when this happens or is there regular drinking in the house and it happens when he has not been drinking? Alcohol tends to bring on mood swings, even when not partaking in the alcohol at the given moment. It happens drinking or no drinking in my house. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
luv4all7 said: SammiJ said: ok well the question is
why are you lauging or smiling? it would get me mad if someone was laughing or smiling without verbalizing why if it is to void my reasons of getting mad, and basically saying that my reasons mean nothing, then yes i too would start yelling if its to calm me down and see things a lil more clearly, then verbalize it, laughing isn't always the smartest thing to do in such a situation unless you're verbalizing it... maybe that's where your problem lies...  Well just because the person looks like a goofball turning all red and waving their arms around and screaming over something very stupis. I laugh. So basically, you're saying that you enjoy taunting and mocking someone when they may have a legitimate complaint? That doesn't sound very mature or healthy. Why are you married again? | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
gemini13 said: luv4all7 said: Well just because the person looks like a goofball turning all red and waving their arms around and screaming over something very stupis. I laugh. So basically, you're saying that you enjoy taunting and mocking someone when they may have a legitimate complaint? That doesn't sound very mature or healthy. Why are you married again? In totally honesty I am the type to aggravate, but not to the point of someone flipping. I don't laugh when the complaints legit. I laugh if someone starts screaming over something stupid. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
luv4all7 said: gemini13 said: So basically, you're saying that you enjoy taunting and mocking someone when they may have a legitimate complaint? That doesn't sound very mature or healthy. Why are you married again? In totally honesty I am the type to aggravate, but not to the point of someone flipping. I don't laugh when the complaints legit. I laugh if someone starts screaming over something stupid. I think I've been where you are. You know what I did? I found me a different man. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
gemini13 said: luv4all7 said: In totally honesty I am the type to aggravate, but not to the point of someone flipping. I don't laugh when the complaints legit. I laugh if someone starts screaming over something stupid. I think I've been where you are. You know what I did? I found me a different man. Really? Were U married? Did U have kids? | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
luv4all7 said: gemini13 said: I think I've been where you are. You know what I did? I found me a different man. Really? Were U married? Did U have kids? Yup, we were married, and I had a child, but not his child. I kicked his ass straight to the curb, after about two years of my child listening to his weirdness. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
gemini13 said: luv4all7 said: Really? Were U married? Did U have kids? Yup, we were married, and I had a child, but not his child. I kicked his ass straight to the curb, after about two years of my child listening to his weirdness.
You sounds awesome! | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
luv4all7 said: gemini13 said: Yup, we were married, and I had a child, but not his child. I kicked his ass straight to the curb, after about two years of my child listening to his weirdness.
You sounds awesome! I try. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Mazurack said: Just asking... since this does seem to be deeper than when I orignially posted.
Is anyone ever been drinking when this happens or is there regular drinking in the house and it happens when he has not been drinking? Alcohol tends to bring on mood swings, even when not partaking in the alcohol at the given moment. in the old daze i mentioned... we both drank ...yes
and i see it with friends now that drink ... seems harder for some of them to keep their emotions and thoughts straight | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Mazurack said: Sweeny79 said: Didn't realize it was just for Luv sorry
and I'm working on it. Think of Jack! On a serious note, though, maybe now that there has been talk on this thread, when you do react, maybe you'll recognize it and tame it, walk away, stop and think... etc.. I don't know. Like I said, I feel that I have to express emotions fully. Truly, I honestly think that part of my strength in vocal cords/facial expressions comes from knowing that my boyfriend expresses his anger emotions like Mach. And that infuriates me. If we are angry - let's be angry. Don't walk away from me and go to another room and then come back later acting as though everything is fine. And, definitely do not laugh at me. We were angry. There was a problem. Let's deal with it. Raised voices will more than likely be a part of it. However, an outburst of yelling, when nothing is wrong to anyone else... to me, that's something entirely different. When children are being what they are... children... yelling at them is not an excuse. I am at fault of this, though, it is usually when the first three times of asking quietly is not heard, which doesn't happen often. If you say/do something silly/on accident and you are yelled at for no apparent reason... I feel there is something wrong there as well. More than likely a control/insecurity issue on they one putting forth the roar. i never pretend things are fine when they are not ...i do express it in ways that dont spur more anger and rage though i am lucky also that my husband feels the same and that we agree we wanted to teach / show our children how to work through relationship issues without fighting and anger/rage i dont recall my parents ever raising their voives at each other and for that i am very thankful | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
althom said: Mach said:
I have known Michael ( TR my husband ) 20 yrs and not once has he ever raised his voice or yelled at anyone
I could not spend my life with another that feels need to yell or raise their voice to be heard WHHHHHAAAAATTTTT? stop friggin yelling dude before i kick your azz
seriously ... havent seen it ...ever | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Mach said: althom said: WHHHHHAAAAATTTTT? stop friggin yelling dude before i kick your azz
seriously ... havent seen it ...everThats just a tad scary. NEVER EVER??? | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
luv4all7 said: Mach said: stop friggin yelling dude before i kick your azz
seriously ... havent seen it ...everThats just a tad scary. NEVER EVER??? i find it far from scary ...scary would be a man over 25 that did it often
no ...in 20 yrs i have never seen him YELL at anyone one of the reasons i love him so much ...as i said he doesnt need to YELL to be heard or express his anger / rage / frustration so luv do you talk to your husband about this ? do you ask him why he is feeling so frustrated and why he yells ? does he yell around your children often ? is that the male role modle you want them to be like ? do you yell too ? do you see this as the way you want to spend your family life ? | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Mach said: luv4all7 said: Thats just a tad scary. NEVER EVER??? i find it far from scary ...scary would be a man over 25 that did it often
no ...in 20 yrs i have never seen him YELL at anyone one of the reasons i love him so much ...as i said he doesnt need to YELL to be heard or express his anger / rage / frustration so luv do you talk to your husband about this ? do you ask him why he is feeling so frustrated and why he yells ? does he yell around your children often ? is that the male role modle you want them to be like ? do you yell too ? do you see this as the way you want to spend your family life ? I orgnoted your answers fed ex. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
luv4all7 said: Mach said: i find it far from scary ...scary would be a man over 25 that did it often
no ...in 20 yrs i have never seen him YELL at anyone one of the reasons i love him so much ...as i said he doesnt need to YELL to be heard or express his anger / rage / frustration so luv do you talk to your husband about this ? do you ask him why he is feeling so frustrated and why he yells ? does he yell around your children often ? is that the male role modle you want them to be like ? do you yell too ? do you see this as the way you want to spend your family life ? I orgnoted your answers fed ex. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Mach said: Mazurack said: Think of Jack! On a serious note, though, maybe now that there has been talk on this thread, when you do react, maybe you'll recognize it and tame it, walk away, stop and think... etc.. I don't know. Like I said, I feel that I have to express emotions fully. Truly, I honestly think that part of my strength in vocal cords/facial expressions comes from knowing that my boyfriend expresses his anger emotions like Mach. And that infuriates me. If we are angry - let's be angry. Don't walk away from me and go to another room and then come back later acting as though everything is fine. And, definitely do not laugh at me. We were angry. There was a problem. Let's deal with it. Raised voices will more than likely be a part of it. However, an outburst of yelling, when nothing is wrong to anyone else... to me, that's something entirely different. When children are being what they are... children... yelling at them is not an excuse. I am at fault of this, though, it is usually when the first three times of asking quietly is not heard, which doesn't happen often. If you say/do something silly/on accident and you are yelled at for no apparent reason... I feel there is something wrong there as well. More than likely a control/insecurity issue on they one putting forth the roar. i never pretend things are fine when they are not ...i do express it in ways that dont spur more anger and rage though i am lucky also that my husband feels the same and that we agree we wanted to teach / show our children how to work through relationship issues without fighting and anger/rage i dont recall my parents ever raising their voives at each other and for that i am very thankful I think it is fantastic that you and your husband communicate in the way that you do. If my boyfriend were able to walk away and come back and discuss things, instead of prentending that walking away had some magical powers that erases everything, I think I could handle things a bit better then. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
I'm not the yelling type.
I'm more a brooding sulker! When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
