Sweeny79 said:

that and also ( maybe it's just me but ... ) it seems very immature too

I'm juuuust asking, but Mach and Sweeny, don't you guys yell at all? Ever? Like in the heat of the moment raise your voice in frustration? You may not? I know that there are some people that don't, but is that healthy? To hold it in?

Again, just asking...

Mach said:

Well....it's also immature to lose your head screaming like a nutball....but yeah that's part of it too.

Mazurack said:

NO...i dont yell at my husband or children

friends family strangers dogs traffic ... anything

EVER ... as in after i grew out of it at 21-ish yrs old

i feel no need to raise my voice to be heard
and i would not stay in a relationship ...marriage or other that included yelling

Mazurack said:

Shit I yell all the time...

I'm always yelling.

It's sad really and I should stop.

Sweeny79 said:

oh yes i agree ...

both actions to me seem disrespectful and immature

Mach said:

Okay. You've always seemed like a very calm, serene person. I understand that you are. (Perhaps part of my shock when I thought, mistakenly, that you were fucking with me on the whole Vaseline/Flyswatter thing)... (Which, by the way... I have drowned a lot, but more are here... where are they coming from!?)

May I ask, how do you dispose of your anger? Do you just hold it in or wait for everyone to be away from you and scream at the top of your lungs... or something else? I've never known that and I'm simply curious. Everyone I've known, man, woman and child has, at some point, shown anger by yelling or raising their voice.

Mach said:

forget it. what do you want me to say? i've seen it happen before, i remember and i'm not imagining things

YOu said you work with children and you don't see it with them, i've seen chilren react that way with their siblings and parents. Maybe with strangers they wouldn't smile. I haven't yelled at the kids myself.
[Edited 7/29/06 22:31pm]

Sweeny79 said:

I don't yell a lot, but I am stern. Most often with my boyfriend, out of frustration. I notice it and am aware of it and try desperately to control it, but, well... I'm getting there.

I think it's because before I was controlled and suddenly I was in control. Then, add to the mix someone who has no idea about life, but is a sweetheart who would never intentially hurt anyone, but does stuuuupid shit... well, I have to be stern. I've put myself in a self-imposed rehab. I am getting better.

My children... I've been known to yell. But it is very rarely that I do.


(Btw... my daughter didn't get Ashlee Simpson's autograph tongight... but she did get... hold on to your chair... Ashley Parker Angel's autograph. I know... I know...)

maniraptess said:

Mach said:

They are

But you grow up with your parents, friends, family, teachers etc acting a certain way and you just fall in line once you get older...it's a hard thing to stop in the heat of the moment and realize you are just following a destructive path...it's something I think about a lot being the yeller I am

I haven't been able to stop myself from yelling in many situations but I have in a few.

I don't yell at my students though.... I had too many teachers who were yellers and it really doesn't help anything... I mean sometimes you have to yell to get your point across to a rowdy mob...but most times there are etter ways of handling the situation.

I have learned this through all my thought on the matter and don't know if it;s worth much but.... I have realized that when others yell at or around me it damages me greatly, it causes me great stress and fear... so...when I feel powerless I want others to feel that damamge and that fear.. to regain some control of the situation.

I don't know if I'd call myself a control freak, but others close to me might... that's part of why I yell so much...part of why I do a lot of the fucked up shit I do... I need things to go my way or I feel lost.

That's my biggest issue the last few years... learning how to relinquish control and leave things in The Universe's hands. God won't let me fall I just have to trust that, but when you are a fighter by instinct and and circumstance...that can be a fucking hard ass thing to do.

So, to bring it all back.... Luv maybe your husband gets even more mad than he was because he feels lost not controling the situation, mybe the poor man just wants to be heard and don't know how else to communicate that... when you or your kids laugh at him it's a huge slap in his face... he probably feels worthless and unloved when you do it... or maybe not I don't know him from Adam...but that's how I feel at least.

Why don't you ask him how it makes him feel and why it pushes him off the edge when you guys are not angry... that'll shed a lot more light on his actions than this thread ever will.

Mazurack said:

I hear ya...loud and clear

and omg that dude is a never ending supply of jokes for Rich and I.

I bet the show wasn't as bad as you feared and I bet she was on cloud 9 !

SammiJ said:

By the way, I just said that i haven't yelled at the kids myself.

Mazurack said:

that i am

and i dont waste much time or energy on anger ( in the past 20 + yrs )

it takes a lot and i mean a LOT to anger me

when i am angry with someone ( cant remember the last time that was )

i say to them in a calm voice ... "i am feeling very angry and i need some time to think this through "

i usualy then go for a walk or into another room ... and meditate
i allow myself to feel the anger and then i release that feeling and then look into the reason for it and the best way to resolve it

then i go back to the person and talk ...or tell them that i need more time

i spent 3 + yr of my life in my late teens into 20 in a very verbally abusive relationship...i did enough screaming in that time to last 3 life times

i'll say it again ... i have no desire in my life for that anymore

it was something i didnt like about myself and the guy i was dating then to realize that CHANGE and intention to NOT live in that fashion is what i wanted in my life

Mach said:

That's amazing, and a huge credit to you and your will power... I hope I get there one day.

Sweeny79 said:

Quickly, because this is like... jacking... get it... (JACK)... anyway....

It was awful! My son HATED being there, though he sat silently and kept turning the light onto his watch to show me what time it was in hopes we were leaving sooon. My daughter was too hot, but thought she was "nice" and "pretty" but "walked funny". There were waaaay too many teens - drunk teens - loud, screaming teens that rang into your ears like I've never had before. Ran into an uncontrolable one on the way to the potty on the way out. Teens are not the same teens they were when I was one, that's for sure. It's scary when you try to ground your children and you realize what they may have to compete with in the whole peer pressure area. Sad, really.

maniraptess said:

"what do you want me to say?"

you need to say exactly what you choose to say
you need to speak your truth ... and i respect that

i didnt claim you were wrong only that it was interesting to me because in my experience ... i had not seen children or babies laugh and smile when yelled at

Mazurack said:

Ouch, I'm sorry you guys had such a icky time
Fell bad for you and more so for your little ones.
I hate when venue's suck and let shit like that happen.

Mach said:

I wish I could make my anger dissipate in the way that you do.

I don't think I ever will be able to and I don't feel that it would be me to do so.

Please, don't get me wrong. I am not a yelling, screaming maniac. Just, once in a while I am stern if it is needed. Sometimes, with my boyfriend, when it is not. Which, is what I am working on. Though, I think I will forever voice/show my anger, while maybe not yelling, but I do think I will always be passionate about what emotions I am feeling. For me, expressing anger is in the same intensity that I express love and joy.

I think it's great that you can deal with that emotion as you do.

Mach said:

I have...but it's the tough ass kids that do it...then they turn around and cry in private. They won't let you see them hurt but they are.

Sweeny79 said:

Sweeny79 said:

Just asking... since this does seem to be deeper than when I orignially posted.

Is anyone ever been drinking when this happens or is there regular drinking in the house and it happens when he has not been drinking? Alcohol tends to bring on mood swings, even when not partaking in the alcohol at the given moment.

Mach said:

Shit to be honest I was that kid, I know what I said to be true.

Mazurack said:

I'm not a mean drunk, and I rarely drink. I'm just full of rage.

Sweeny79 said:

Maybe seek out the deeper cause of that rage and when you find it... come to terms with it. Perhaps that will lesson the roar.

But, I was directing the drinking part to luv4all7... in that she asked the question. It just seems now that it wasn't just thrown out there. That's all.

I could be wrong. I did see a horrible concert that clouded my mind, ya know.

Mazurack said:

Didn't realize it was just for Luv sorry

and I'm working on it.

Jackie Boy sends his regards...

ThreadBare said:

I STILL can't belive that's his mugshot.

and stop Jacking the thread.

Sweeny79 said:

Think of Jack!

On a serious note, though, maybe now that there has been talk on this thread, when you do react, maybe you'll recognize it and tame it, walk away, stop and think... etc.. I don't know.

Like I said, I feel that I have to express emotions fully. Truly, I honestly think that part of my strength in vocal cords/facial expressions comes from knowing that my boyfriend expresses his anger emotions like Mach. And that infuriates me. If we are angry - let's be angry. Don't walk away from me and go to another room and then come back later acting as though everything is fine. And, definitely do not laugh at me. We were angry. There was a problem. Let's deal with it. Raised voices will more than likely be a part of it.

However, an outburst of yelling, when nothing is wrong to anyone else... to me, that's something entirely different. When children are being what they are... children... yelling at them is not an excuse. I am at fault of this, though, it is usually when the first three times of asking quietly is not heard, which doesn't happen often. If you say/do something silly/on accident and you are yelled at for no apparent reason... I feel there is something wrong there as well. More than likely a control/insecurity issue on they one putting forth the roar.