I met Hello Kitty before. I was walking in the mall and passed her and she waved and I kinda looked at her like you know, so she followed me and tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a note that said "Help! I don't have a mouth!!" and I said "Well whaddya know, a pussy with no lips." and we laughed and hugged and I went to buy my ankle boots.

I once saw a dog try to have sex with a cat.

Uh. That's about it.

DiscoballStallion said:

That's one of the funniest situations I've heard about since someone here on the Org (was it Nikster?) said she'd traded an old video game for a beat up car, taken it for a drive, and when it broke down after just a few meters and started burning everybody ran in to get hot dogs to grill on the flames.

retina said:

Yup..that would be me

It was an old boat...a 1968 Plymouth Fury II, that I traded my sega genesis and some games for. One night my friends and I got a little buzzed and decided to take it out on my mom's back 40. We hit a huge-ass anthill or something and broke something under the car, exactly what eludes me (it was over 10 years ago by now), and it starting smoking. We lifted the hood and lo and behold..flames. We ran like hell.....into the house for hotdogs

Amazingly, the car never went boom I think one of the guys did actually get the fire out, but I don't really remember, as I had quite a few that night

Nikster said:

I've told that story to a great number of people. I hope you don't mind.

HamsterHuey said:

i refuse. well, on a retina thread anyway

this is really stupid, but when my family were about to move house, we wrote secret messages and hid them in the doorstops of the old house. About 10 years a little kid rang up asking for the secret codenames we had left in the notes, with a phone number I laughed so much we hung up on the poor kid

HamsterHuey said:

i refuse. well, on a retina thread anyway

IstenSzek said:

WTF!

This place really is getting cliquey beyond all control...

retina said:

Please do not address Isten.

HamsterHuey said:

Yeah, Isten took all his homies with them;

[img]picture of isten's supposed crew of chavs[/img]

my posse:

http://www.youtube.com/wa...ed&search=

IstenSzek said:

You're a brother?

Who's that white goofy-looking dude you've been posting pictures of then?

HamsterHuey said:

omg, i hate myself for saying this but i kinda fancy the one on the right

retina said:

just cuz my posse's black don't mean i can't be white

i'm a brother on the inside man!

IstenSzek said:

Izzzten in da house. Word.

IstenSzek said:

God, just throw in ANY Baldwin brother and you're game, aren't you?

ZombieKitten said:

You hung up? What a terrible thing to do. It was probably the adventure of his life to discover your hidden treasure!

The place is a small regional center town in Soviet Union in the early 1980s. A local conference of college teachers is in progress. A few dozens of teachers came into town for the event and a few of them were situated in the local hotel.
The hotel is very poor, but so are the teachers and 3 of them take a single room. Since there is not much to do in a small town at night, certain amount of alchoholic beverages is obtained from a local store and consumed.

During the conversation among the newly found friends one of the teachers mentiones that it is a medical fact, that it is impossible to take a light bulb out of ones mouth once it was inserted there.
This meets active disbelief of his two opponents who start questioning him as to what kind of light bulb he means and how come you cannot take it out, if you can put it in.
The first teacher that he is talking about a standard 100 Watt light bulbs such as the one lighting their room, but lacking medical education he doesn't know the reason for not being able to remove it.

Discussion heats up, and at some point one of his opponents desides that an experiment is necessary. Mind you, that all of the teachers in the room are PhDs in various fields of exact science. Obviously not one of them is a medic.
The light bulb is then removed and the most loud opponent (Vladimir) puts it into his mouth. In a few seconds it becomes clear that the story holds true, and it is quite impossible for Vladimir to remove the light bulb due to peculiar clenching of jaw muscles.

After a short discussion the three friends decide to get Vladmir to a doctor. They get out of the hotel, and stop a cab. They drive to the hospital where they have to relate the story of the accident to the night nurse, who, after almost choking herself with giggles, calls the ER doctor.
The doctor carefully examines Vladimir, and unexpectedly hits him with his fist in the back of the jaw. Vladimirs jaw falls open and the doctor returns the light bulb one of the others, explaining that Vladimir is not going to be able to use his mouth for a couple of hours due to the over stressed jaw muscles.

The three teachers get back into a cab and start driving home, when the third teacher starts complaining that the other two are playing him for a fool, that this is medicaly impossible for such phenomenon to exist and that he is about to prove it.

He puts the light bulb into his mouth, the cab makes a U-turn and speeds back to the hospital.
At the hospital, the nurse starts giggling when the three men enter the emergency room, and after hearing their new story falls of her chair laughing.
After a little while she calls the surgeon, who chuckles, hits the 3rd teacher in the back of the jaw and removes the light bulb.

The cab has left, so the three friends catch another one. The first teacher gets into the front seat and puts his mute friends with their jaws hanging open in the back. Cab driver is mildly surprised by the unusual company of an obviously drunk giggling man and two others looking like village idiots, and asks about it. the teacher asures the driver that the other two are not idiots, but most educated people and the problem is their small argument about a light bulb.

After carefully listening to the whole story the driver asks what kind of light bulb is he talking about, and he shows the hotel light bulb saying "this one".
"Impossible" says the cab driver and in a few seconds the cab turns around and goes to the hospital.
When the nurse sees these guys the 3rd time inside 2 hours, she starts having rather serious breathing difficulties trying to laugh much harder then mother nature designed.

After getting her in shape she makes her call the surgeon who, promptly hitting the cab driver in the jaw takes the light bulb and smashes it on the table saying that this should put an end to the story. The four men get back into the cab and drive to the hotel.

On the way they are stopped by the police at a road-station. The policeman is very surprized to find that the only person able to speak in a car full of people is a rather drunk man who tells him a weird story about light bulbs. "I will be right back" replies the policeman, goes back to the road side station,

The teacher and companions watch the light go off inside the station, and in a few seconds the policeman appears again. Using gestures he asks people on the back seat to move over. A metal end of a light balb is sticking out of his mouth. The cab goes back to the hospital.

The nurse becomes hysterical with joy. After a few minutes of recuperation she goes to the cabinet of the surgeon to call him. She opens the door and falls to the floor unconscious. In the doorway appears the surgeon with his jaw hanging wide open.

ZombieKitten said:

You hung up? What a terrible thing to do. It was probably the adventure of his life to discover your hidden treasure!

DiscoballStallion said:

That's one of the funniest situations I've heard about since someone here on the Org (was it Nikster?) said she'd traded an old video game for a beat up car, taken it for a drive, and when it broke down after just a few meters and started burning everybody ran in to get hot dogs to grill on the flames.

One bizarre experience I had once was in the 90s when the rave culture was still vibrant. Me and my gay friend Henrik (who was sporting silver pants, pink sunglasses, a red toque and a squirt gun with Guarana for the evening) were looking for an illegal forest rave when suddenly we heard a booming voice shouting "Stop right there! Identify yourselves!". Out from the bushes came a soldier in camouflage uniform holding an automatic weapon. Henrik swiftly picked up his squirt gun and shot some Guarana at the guy and started hollering "Wooo hoo, I got you first!". Suddenly every single bush seemed to start to giggle and we noticed that they were full of soldiers who were more than happy to see their mate ridiculed.

Have you had any bizarre/funny experiences you'd like to share?

retina said:

Come on now. Ya'll know I made that shit up. You know if I was approached by a giant pussy I would've ran the opposite direction screaming bloody murder.

DiscoballStallion said:

Oh.